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At Home With Julia -

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(generated from captions) it'll technically be breakfast time. and by the time I'm done, Not to mention... (Chuckles) ..I am studying to become a nurse eat healthier so I feel like I should probably and only one gram of sugar, and... since they have whole grain for swimsuit season, you know... which is excellent (Speaks indistinctly) (Chuckles) and it's not the cereal! Yeah, something's hard to swallow Gruen. A break with tradition. That's all for tonight. of The Gruen Transfer. In fact, that's all for this series Todd, Dan, Bridget and Russel. Please, thank our panellists - (Cheering and applause) reborn as Gruen Planet, Next week, we return to your screens through the prism of spin, a show that looks at the world branding and image control. Why? Coke and KFC, Because just as we are sold Toyota, Gaga and well, just about everything. we're also sold Gillard, Murdoch, We're not leaving advertising behind. joined by new panellists, Russel and Todd will still be here, behind the stories of the week. unpicking the strategies Like last year's Gruen Nation, will be turned up to 11. our bullshit meter Hope you join us. at the Worst Product Of All Time. We'll leave you with the latest shot (Holy choral strains) at the end of Gruen 2011, If it scores the most votes the Golden Steak Knives, it will take home deep in the back which this week have been buried of poor little Louie the Fly. AUDIENCE: Ooooh! (Holy choral strains) with our worst product, Normally, we have an ad to go tonight it's an infomercial. good enough to have a bad ad. Yes, this gadget is not even that defeats its own cause. It's a beauty product sees you using it, Trust me, if your partner as attractive again. he or she will never think of you See ya next week. (Cheering and applause) in its own little container. The Facial Flex comes just in the morning, It's so simple - you put it in your mouth... you're gonna count to 60. ..and count to 60, Very slowly. (Mumbles indistinctly) (Laughter) ? OPERA (Mumbles) I don't know where I am. I have lost track. (Mumbles) See how easy it is? Facial Flex, folks. Mmm! I can feel things firming up. We'll be right back. Closed Captions by CSI ? When I am down here on the floor ? You give me something more ? And I could sail around the world ? When you're here with me ? There's nothing I can't be ? You keep my sky from falling ? You make it all come true ? Oh, oh, oh ? You come and see right through ? You make it all worthwhile. ? Listen to this - 'According to a reliable source, Gillard's anti-violence pledge every school boy who signs of Mortal Kombat.' will receive a free copy who leaked it? And you're sure it's Rudd It says 'reliable source'. in my Cabinet? Who else would you call 'reliable' Fair enough. I can't stand, Wayne. It's the disloyalty was elected Prime Minister? I mean, which one of us Well... Absolutely. At least I've got your support. and now I'm 100% behind you. I was always 100% behind Kevin (Groans) And yours, Bill Shorten. Come on, Jugs. Oh, no-one, just Tim. Who are you talking to? He just doesn't have enough to do. Kevin didn't leak the bit about Anyway, thank God 'free texting for schoolgirls' the whole election strategy gone. or that'd be Yeah. Yeah? to stop cyber-bullying, Well, you want something in return. you've got to give them (Static)

Hello? (Groans) in this bloody city. Mobile phone reception I really have. I've had it with Krudd, He's been doing it forever. I don't know why I'm surprised. Remember that visit to Queensland to all my announcements? where he'd tipped off the press Yeah, that was a fun trip. Bill... Honestly, T, I'm at my wit's end. Ow! You even listening to me? No, I'm not, alright. (Barks) washing a certain someone's dog I'm spending our morning together because a certain someone's too busy around the house! to do their one job if a certain someone has to do Well, I'm sorry a certain other someone a favour certain someone's busy when the second-mentioned leading a certain country! defacing Facebook memorials'! 'Free iPads for people who stop for the history books, Jools. Yeah, that'll be one We dropped that one! Bill! God, Tim, how many times... I'm going to the office for a while. Juice... to send to New Zealand. I've got some important facsimiles Can't you email them from here? It's Saturday. Yes, they do. New Zealand doesn't have email. it's .co.nz Well, I'm never sure whether or .net.z.co or .org... to sort themselves out! Anyway, they just need Mrs Julia, she seem upset. just having a few problems. Oh, no, mate, the big problem if she no attend to. The small problem, she become Like the cancer. Or the Mark Latham. to a top game of football... TV: Everybody looking forward straight past Abbott, It's a hand ball from Gillard, backs but Hockey nowhere in sight! looking for that support from his but punts to Bandt instead! Gillard about to punt to Oakeshott A much safer option. but, oh, he'll just have to wait! Greg Combet desperate for the ball It's Gillard! And a great mark by Wong! (Mobile ringtone) (Static) Hello! Hello? Ju Ju? It's me. I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you back? I just wanted to say I'm sorry. What? I said I'm sorry. we're not communicating anymore. I just feel like I know your work comes first but it takes two to tango. We tango all the time, Timmy. Last night we almost hit Mambo territory. That's not what I meant. I don't know what else to do. I offered to throw you a birthday party, you said 'no'... I don't want another event where you're with your political mates and I'm treated like a leper! You go to Camp David with the Obamas and I get mistaken for a chauffeur, end up spending the weekend in an underground car park. It's humiliating. (Static) We need to do something different with our relationship otherwise... I just don't think it's going to work. I know, you're right. I know we've always said it doesn't really matter but... ..what if we did get married? What if we could find you something to do in Government? Soon... Hello? A special role... Healthy Hair or... Jools, you there? I know it's probably the last thing you were thinking but... Jools, did you hear what I said? Yeah. I think it could be exactly what we need. You do? Well, of course I do. What do you think? That's what's important. It's what I always wanted. I just, I didn't know if you really did. Oh, I'm beside myself! We can work out details later. Of course we can. The important thing is we're doing this! Maybe we should have that party. We could announce it there. Oh, you don't feel uncomfy, mixing politics with our personal life? Oh, no. Now I want all your cronies there to hear it. What about Abbott and his mob? We'll need that bipartisan support. Oh... Yeah, I guess. Either way, we're keeping it strictly under wraps till then. (Laughs) Oh, I can't wait to see you. Where are you? Look out the window. Get up here. Actually, can you come down to get me? I don't have clearance. Yeah, right. I can't believe we're doing this. John and Jeanette must have got it away a few times in here. Ew! (Laughs) No, I mean, what people will say? I will be your boss. How will anything have changed? (Both laugh) This is nice, isn't it? Hmm. No-one to bother us. Not even Bill. (Knocking on door) MAN: Sorry, Julia, it's Bill Shorten, you right? Thought I heard voices. No, Bill, I'm fine... Just having an urgent debriefing. E-Everyone's feeling most satisfied with the outcome. (Both giggle) Shh! (Keeps laughing) I can't believe he wants a job in Government. I guess Tim was just jealous. When people say they hate us, they really mean they love us. That'd explain our polls. Mm. And he really doesn't want to know any details? No, he said he trusts me to make the announcements and wants to be 'surprised' on the day. We just need to keep it secret till then so Abbott can't wreck it. You know I won't spill. There is one hitch though - you're gonna have to clear Tim's job with everyone in Cabinet. Including Kevin. That's a chance we'll have to take. This means too much to Tim. Is he prepping for the job? No, he's taken the day off. Wouldn't tell me where he was going or when he'd be back. Oh, he's gonna make a great public servant. Can I help you sir? Uh, yes, I'm here to buy an engagement ring. Certainly, though I will have to ask you to take off your hat, glasses and coat. Also the fake teeth. These are my teeth. Sorry, sir, security requirement. Alright, but I'll have to swear you to secrecy. No leaks to New Idea, Perez Hilton, TMZ. I'm sure that won't be a problem. Yes, it's really me, alright? Can we get on with it? If we could, sir, that'd be good. You didn't happen to notice any paparazzi outside, did you? No. (Who the fuck is this guy?) So we're agreed Tim's taking the job? I fully acquiesce around the putative details with respect to that programmatic agenda. He's for it. Thank you, Kevin. Now, again, this is top secret till Tim's birthday. This can't be like the ETS, the CPRS, the RSPT or any meeting Lindsay Tanner was at. You have my assurance, if anyone gushes, it won't be me. Sorry I couldn't be at Cabinet, by the way. The International Gefilte Fish Commission was meeting on Easter Island and it was critical I be here. Yes, thank you, Kevin. Naches to the Commission. That'll work, won't it? Uh... What happened to the flag? Oh, uh, it's being dry-cleaned. How are you? Just come down the back, I'll show you where to go. Tony! Julia. Alright, Tony, that'll do, thank you. Tim? G'day, Tony. Here we go. Hello, Julie. Julia. 'Julie', 'Julia', spot the difference. Keep the claws in, you two. Oh, we're great mates out of work. Us single girls have to stick together, huh? She just means not married, Tease. Yet. (Laughs nervously) Kevin. Hello, Timbo. Oh, g'day, Kev. How are ya? Good, thanks... Just give him his name tag, thank you. Hey, hey, hey, don't even think about it. Hang on a minute, this is a party. Come on in, boys! Thanks, Miss Gillard. You're on. Don't touch anything! Yeah, yeah. Same-sex marriage - why would anyone want to get married? Look at me and Julia. She's happily de facto, I'm happily de facto. (Laughs) Marriage kills it. Oh, just punch for me, thanks. Anything harder, I start to get opinionated. (Laughs) Steve? This is my friend Gareth. He does Christopher Pyne's garden. How do you do? We're just talking gay marriage. What do you think? You think we should let them do it? This is a good idea. Good way to boost your polls. That's not what this is in aid of, Paul. Well, you gotta do something, mate. Your numbers are worse than mine! And I felt up the Queen! You know, you should get yourself back on that Q&A. Tony Jones is a bloody pushover. Haven't rolled anyone that easy since Hewson. Ever tell you that story? Sorry, Paul, would you excuse me? February '93, it must have been. I think it was a Tuesday. I was wearing the pink Zegna tie. I wore them of a Tues... That strip club in New York is nothing, there's a bar in Port Moresby - I still have nightmares! C'mon, birthday boy, official duties. Try the hors d'oeuvres, Kevin, but steer clear of the leeks, remember? That was a bit harsh, Juggsy. I'm sorry but I don't want any surprises being ruined today. I wouldn't say anything to Kevin. No, it's Kevin I don't want saying anything to you. Hey? Go keep Tony company. We'll need him onside to make this work. And take it easy, you know what you're like when you've had a couple. Women... Prime Ministers... So, tell me, when are you finally gonna make an honest woman of her? As much as you can with a Labor pollie? (Laughs) Well, as it happens... No, actually, no. Go on. Oh, mate, she'll kill me. Although she did say it does need your support. We're actually announcing the engagement today. Mate, that's wonderful! I should never drink. You can't say anything, though. What kind of tool'd do a thing like that? Tony! And I said 'You may have a Nobel Prize for it but what you know about economics, I shoot down the crapper every morning.' That's interesting, Paul. Yes, I am. You know, I was saying the same to Alan Greenspan. I said 'Listen, listen, I was the world's greatest treasurer... Timmy! Happy birthday! Oh! Julie! You seem happy. You look good enough to walk down the aisle, thank God you're not. Well, it's funny you should mention that because... Can you keep a secret? What? Oh, no... Yes... Julia! Now, Tony, remember what we talked about? Three feet... I just wanted to say, congratulations. I know it's all hush-hush. But I think it's fantastic. Oh, right. Thank you, Tony. Hang on a minute, who told you? Let's just say 'a very reliable source'. (Laughs) Right, that's it. I've had it. Jools, don't govern angry. This is not low carb! You think I can't tell the difference? I used to be Prime Minister of this country! At least I was until this complete and utter... Julia! Don't you Julia me, Kevin! How dare you? Have you no decency, sir? I'm just trying to lose weight. I was talking to Tony Abbott... Oh, I bet you did! I don't know what I've done to make you so hostile, Kevin. But if I hear you've told one more person about Tim's job, your career's over. Excuse me, Julia, can I have a word? Actually not the best time, Julie. I've heard the news about you and Tim. I was just starting to admire you, and you go and do this awful thing! Julie! It's the mistake of your life! And if you ask me, he's not even the right choice! I'll do whatever I can to stop it! Julie! Right! That's it. You are out of the Cabinet! And from now on I want to know every single person you tell ANYTHING! What's going on here? Kevin! Brutus. It's out. It's all over the place. We're moving the announcement up to right now. I give it a month! But you gotta promise not to tell a soul, OK? Come on! I wasn't saying anything! We're doing it now. So, she can but we can't. Excuse me. Excuse me, if I could have your attention. Yes, that's it. Now, we're all here for Tim's birthday, of course. But before we cut the cake and get started on the karaoke - and look out, Mr Speaker, I've been practising... I can vouch for that. ..Tim and I thought we'd make this occasion even more special. This is something that's long overdue. And when I look at Tim, I wonder why it's taken so long. Tim's a wonderful man. The fact that he's a world-class dad and a hairdresser just makes it even more perfect. Now I know it's a bit 'not done' and no doubt Tim will want to say something too. But T, Teaser. My big T-Bag. If it's OK, I'd like to get in first and ask you if you'd do me, and indeed the nation, the incredible honour of becoming the first... Yes! Yes, sweetheart! Of course I'll marry you! (Clapping) We're getting married, everyone! Oh, for God's sake. Actually, Tim, I was going to announce your government job. Government job? As new Headlice Taskforce Manager... ..teaching kids about the importance of head hygiene. Oh... (Silence) (Chuckles nervously) Uh... Just... Just kidding. Just a little birthday joke there. I'd be delighted to accept the position of... ..Headlice... Taskforce Manager. ..Taskforce Manager... (Some clapping) ..Prime Minister. OK... Well... Everybody... (Off tune) ? For he's a jolly good fellow... ALL: ? For he's a jolly good fellow ? For he's a jolly good fellow ? And so say all of us! ? Hip, hip? Hooray! (Silence) Thank you for everything. It's OK. Great party, Jools. I'd be getting onto Q&A quick smart if I were you. Thank you, Paul. That was a cruel trick you played on my emotions. There's no way you'll get away with it, by the way. Think you're the only one who can't get a job? Downer would kill for that! (Laughs) Great joke about the wedding, mate. Bloody pisser! (Laughs) Well... Big day. The Department will be in touch about your super details and your tax file. I was so excited about getting engaged. I told Tony...Julie Bishop... You told them? Oh, dear. I can't do this. Tease, it'll get you out of the house, you'll have your own money... I don't mean the job. If this is what you thought I meant by 'doing something different in our relationship'... ..we're further apart than I thought. It was just a misunderstanding. Bloody mobile reception. It'll be better when the NBN's in place. The NBN's got nothing to do with mobile phones. Doesn't it? Better tell Stephen Conroy about that. We need to face it. This just isn't working anymore. We need time apart. Titbit. I'll be back for my stuff. You better call Kevin, he looked pretty furious. Can't imagine why. That first trip we did to Queensland, you didn't say anything to the press about my policies, did you? You know what I'm like when I've had a couple. I'll call you. Tim! VOICEMAIL: You have one new message. (Beep) RUDD: Julia, Kevin here. Since you want to know 'every single person I tell anything', I thought you should know I've leaked that election policy of yours - 'Free iPads for Facebook vandals'? Laurie Oakes found it very interesting indeed. Well, that's my flight. (Groans) (Pissing) Oh... It's alright, Bill. Everyone else has.

Oh... Oh, dear. There we are. There... Oh, dear. Party. Bill? Bill... Closed Captions by CSI - Jacqui Mapoon This Program is Captioned

Live.

Tonight - we visit the

oldest art gallery on earth in

Werner Herzog's documentary

'Cave of Forgotten

Dreams'. Colin Farrell sinks

his teeth into the horror

comedy 'Fright Night'. And

Rowan Atkinson returns for more

spy action in the comedy

thriller 'Johnny English

Reborn'. Good

evening. Hello. Also tonight

Joyce McKinney is the

controversial subject of Errol

Morris's documentary

'Tabloid'. Secret female

rituals transcend generations

in 'Snow Flower and the Secret

Fan'. And our classic tonight

is the 1942 war drama 'Went the Day Well' but first Margaret,

tell us about the latest remake

of 'Fright Night'. Well 'Fright

Night' doesn't waste too much

time setting oup scenarios.

Charlie Brewster has abandon ed

his former nerd self and his

mate Ed to join the cool group

and win the affections of Amy.

He can't believe it when Ed

tells him that his new next

door neighbour Jerry is a

vampire. Hey. Please go, it

will be alright, go. Take her

and go. Amy, take her and go.

Get back. Charlie not the

cross, not the cross, Charlie.

It's not too long before

Charlie becomes convinced of

Jerry's blood thirsty motives

and he goes to TV cult

personality Peter Vincent,

David Tennant, for help. That

in-Sigia she showed me, it's a

specieses that originated in

the Mediterranean. They nest in

the earth and they kill slowly.

They keep their victims alive

for days. Snackers. This movie

is actually a lot of fun. It

has tension, spooky moments, and that interesting

substructure of vampire movies

about what makes us human.

Interestingly it was directed

by Craig Gillespie who made

'Lars and the Real Girl'. It's

quite a leap. He does a

fabulous job adapting the

original 1985 Tom Holland film

with the help of screen writer

Marti Noxon who cut her teeth on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

before establishing her

credentials in other much

admired television series.

Colin Farrell is determined not

to be a Hollywood leading man

and his performance in this is

delicious as is Imogen Poots as

Amy. Toni Collette has a small

role as Charlie's mother and

she's great in it, and David

Tennant, best known for his 'Dr

Who' appearances, does a

terrific Russel Brand

impersonation as Peter Vincent.

I haven't mentioned the star

Anton Yelchin and maybe that's

for a reason. It's not that he

isn't OK it's just that he

doesn't register much and the

3D version works, it's fun,

blood spattered but fun,

David. Well I didn't see the 3D

version, I saw the flat version

so I can't comment on that. I

think to say that this is

better than the original, the

1985 original, isn't saying a

great deal really and I was a

bit disappointed that Craig

Gillespie who 'Lars and the

Real Girl' I really liked, I

thought that was a good film,

set his sights low on this.

It's not an ambitious film to