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Live. (APPLAUSE)

I reel Wil Anderson this is

the first episode of Oswald the first

Gruebel where we look at the

world through the magic windows

of spin, branding and image

control. We are not leaving advertising behind, we are

looking at the other ways we

are being bought and sold.

First, from the spin file, the

phrase 9/11 brings to mind

awful, indelible images but perhaps none worse than these,

taken from a publicity

10th anniversary. God bless America. On this 10th anniversary of September 11

hooters would like to thank firefighters, policemen and

paramedics. Thank you. The

terrorists hate Hooters, you

can never find 72 virgins in

there!

Now to product placement, Gruen viewers have Tweeting to tell us that Myer

now has Weight Watchers outlets

in its store. Some next to plus

size laid's fashions. Because a

woman with body issues is never more vulnerable than when she's

in the fitting room. Taste full, why not put size 20

labels on size 18 dresses and

really freak them out? Or put

fun house mirrors in the change

rooms., "Oh my God, how big

does your bum look in

branding news Aqua Maris has

upped the sports sponsorship

ant yes by turning the yogic

practise of daily nose cleaning

into a competitive event championship in which bankrolling a world bankrolling

contestants compete to snort

five litres of knew wed in one

nostril and out the other.

(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)

Somehow I get the feeling

Charlie Sheen

(LAUGHTER) good at that.

recommend it. Gruen, 9 out of 10 experts

Time to welcome the panel, Todd Sampson and Russel

Howcroft.They are joined by two

new Gruen faces, CEO of crisis company The Harry M Miller and celebrity management

Group, Lauren Miller Cilento,

and self described marketing

bloke and occasional prop

gandist, a man in the liberal bunker for every federal

election during the Howard era, Ralph rafrle. Welcome.

This segment is the Renovators

where we look at a person,

brand or idea in desperate need

of an overhaul. Let's start

with the only leader on earth more

more besieged than

Gaddafi. John and Janette must

have got it away a few times in

here. Ohhh. No, I mean what

people will say. I will be your boss. How will anything have

changed? Oh. We were on before

that last year so technically

we were foreplay. That is from

the ABC's 'At Home With Julia'.

It presents the PM as a figure

of fun. Good for her cause or bad? This is absolutely bad? This

brilliant for her. For me it is

a great pity that people didn't watch it. It made

me like her a whole lot more.

You know that's not really

her, right? I know, but... (APPLAUSE) Gillard first said she hadn't

seen the show but was sure it

would be funny. She was taking

the whole thing in her stride

until last week everybody

wanted her two cents on the

flag wrapped sex seen we just

saw. I think you should put on

the public record because there

has been a lot of talk about it

over the last 24 hours. Lisa, I

have some bigger things on my

comment on it. You know I have mind so I'm

a good sense of humour but I

won't be drawn on further

commentary on this matter. I

can't even draw out of you

whether you thought that was a funny moment. John, end of

commentary, full stop.

(LAUGHTER)

She has bigger thins on her

mind. Not really flattering to

Tim, is it? What would you Tim, is it? What would you have

advised thorough say in that situation? I think that that

ABC Radio interview was very

good because the whole thing is

that she does have bigger

things on her mind. She is

running the country and - but

it's about a short, sharp

statement but not a gratuitous

remark. It is difficult for her

to say, "You know what,

didn't care, I thought it was

funny." Because that might to

offend people. She should be been prepared to answer that

exact question. I think saying

nothing says a lot and no

comment is a gold mine for the

haters and she has quite a few of them. When you are Prime

Minister you will be ridiculed.

It is part of the job. I think people value consistency in a

Prime Minister.

first and then flipped around

when it got personal. I would

have said, "I can take a joke

and I am fair game but it's a

bit rough on Tim though." The other thing other thing is great quote my

father used to say is when the

eagle soars the parrots begin

the jabber. The population

started saying, "What are you

doing to the Prime Minister's

office? What are you doing to

the flag?" That sort of caucus

spoke for her so she didn't

need to address it. I need to address it. I don't

think the show helped her. When

you are declining in the polls and people everysingle thing you do,

political satire fuels that

fire and pushes the slide

further down . If you believe

the headlines and political

cartoons we don't have a Prime

Minister, we have a dead woman

walking. Her inner circle is

concerned. They have just lured

Tony Blair's former strategist,

John McTernan to be part of her

spin team. Imagine the PM is

your client, what is the very

first thing you do? Get cash up

front. (LAUGHTER)

I think after that I'd

probably say - think of apple, the public need to buy

apple an apple and they bought your

apple already and they are not

saying it will be tasty and

delicious, you won't convince them of that because they know

who you are and what you are

doing. You have to tell them that the other apple has

maggots in it. That is where I

would be going. She should fire

the guy she just hired. Her

major thing is she is wrapped

in spin. The whole thing is

spun and we can't tell what she

is saying and everything is

staged and overly

rehearsed. She is pretty good

for a talking apple. maggot is much better.

I think one of her fundamental difficulties is she is never actually branded. She is

is talking the agenda of other

people. She has had to clean up

the mess of Kevin Rudd, appease

the Greens put up with Rob Oakeshott blaterring, deal with

Tony Windsor, fob off Andrew

Wilkie over pokies. She has

never had the time, never

established who she is in the

public mind. Just to add to that, to make it worse Tony Abbott has definer of Julia Gillard's

brand. Tony Abbott over the

last two to three years has defined who Julia Gillard is to

the majority of the Australian

population. Yeah. It is

important to have the common

touch. In parliament she is a

bit of a scrapper. Behind

closed doors she is said to be funny, vulgar, almost

Hawke-ish. I tell you what any

boss who sacks anyone for not

turning up today is a bum.

Russel she has been

criticised for her broad accent

but that aside would it help to

let

more? One of the interesting

things to observe is that there

is almost this desire to be

like a middle class eastern

suburbs mum if you like, the

pearl earrings and the colours

which clearly isn't what she

is. Being from Adelaide, if you

like, or in a Melbourne context being clearly from Fitzroy,

having some groovy jewellery

and being true to yourself

would go a long way. It is

interesting that she is actually representative of the

greater population yet tear her down. This is where

we treat - it is unpopular to

say - this is where we treat

women different than men. I

don't think she could pull off sitting sitting back, having some beer and watching sport with my

mates. If she did that she

would be reckless and

positioned as a reckless

bogan. Prime ministers often

used sports to humanise

themselves. Remember when John

Howard stayed up late to watch the World Cup. The Prime

Minister don'ted a trackie on

the couch. It is like Kermit the Frog came to life. Gillard

had the perfect opportunity a

couple of weeks back to do the

same when Samantha Stosur won

the US Open. Stosur told the

story best herself in one of Hamish and Hamish and Andy's typically relaxed interviews.S Have you

got a call from Julia. I have,

it was really bizarre. What did

you chat about? She asked how I

was feeling. She said she

didn't have a chance to watch

the match because she had to go

to work. Gillard didn't even

watch the match. If you are an

adviser aren't you saying, "Lie and and say you watch it" There is a saying if the truth isn't

tellable fix it so it is. In

this case she could have at

least watched some of the

match. What irry #25i9s me about this is she actually

phoned her and made a PR

opportunity out of it. All she

needed to do was watch some of

it. She could have watched the

part where she went, "Yes" and

threw her racquet into the air.

She phoned her up and said what

you do is good but it is not

important to me. I'd like to

thank you for your

contribution. All she has done

is tell the truth. Who cares she watched the game or

not. She called her up to say

congratulations and hadn't even

seen it. So what because she

found out that she one. That is

unfair and mental. Howard

genuinely loved sports. It

might be awkward but he loved it. it. She probably doesn't. Loved

his sport so much he always

invited cameramen around. Good

point. That was a big part of

his persona, walking in that

tracksuit buds a part of what

made him human. It sort of made

him human. She is the Prime

Minister of Australia and found

out that she's won and given

her a call and said, "Good on

you." It was recently reported

that the PM has had media

training to help her sound less

wooden. There was a story about her team approaching Corrine

Grant for a few spare gags. How

would good lines work for her

PM? I'm a shoe in for the next

election might raise a laugh or

two. Corrine Grant is a

poll tight. I suspect Julia

Gillard is a good politician

who shouldn't be a comedian. You know that politicians are

forever - for, forever have had

comedy writers give them a hand

it is because it is important

to be funny. When you are in

that position, she is probably

doing public speaking 6 or 7

times a week, it is important

to have good lines. This is

where she is getting bad advice

and it is spin gone does not need to be funny. Her

goal is not, "How can I be

liked by people?" It should be,

"How can I be respected for

people?" It doesn't work. To be

funny you need to take risks

and you can't do that as a

Prime Minister. She is a tiger.

I don't know how much question

time you watch but she is a

tiger in Question Time. She is

fantastic and it is like where

is that person? Where is that

person in these media

interviews. That is hidden by

many, many layers of spin and control. And people giving advice. Towards the end of his

tenure when the polls were

pretty rough UK Prime Minister

Tony Blair turned up on MasterChef. Channel Ten has

been heavily promoting our PM's

upcoming Cam yo. Lily has fund

herself cooking for the Prime Minister. I'm cooking a

chocolate cake with a vanilla

bean cream an strawberries. You

look like you have been working hard. Julia, you have no

idea. I got it out of the oven

and went to put it down and slipped. Don't worry, Matt

Preston still ate it.

Lama looked like a pork chop at

a Jewish wedding when he went

on MasterChef. Toby, why would the

the PM's staff have pushed for

an appearance like? I think she

is trouble on the over 18 vote

and is kind of moving forward

to the younger demo graphic. They are trying to humanise her

and it is a too transparent.

They are trying to make her

look everyday. It is one of the

perceptions she has is she doesn't like kids. She doesn't

have kids and have kids and doesn't like kinds so put you around

kids. Isn't mumcy and doesn't

know how to cook. This is what

we were referring to earlier. It is a controlled media

appearance. They can pretty

much control how that will go

and chances are the kids will be awe struck and love her so

she is in a really controlled

easy media environment. High

reach with 1 million watching it, low risk. There

aren't many positive PR environments for a broad audience, audience, grocery buying audience, grocery buying mums, that is who she needs

to, hard working Australian

family, who these are representative of their kids

and their parents are sitting

in those bleaches and that is

an environment where she can be

more human. It is good for ten,

they will get ratings out of it

but I'm not sure it is good for

the Prime Minister. It is a

more natural fit than the delay lar match. Only just. The Dalai Lama was a sad, sad day in

marketing his dry when you have

him fronting the biggest advertising advertising vehicle in

Australia. The Prime Minister o Australia turning up at junior MasterChef isn't sad? At least

it is kids. What's the

difference. I think they would

be honoured. Of course the kids

would be honoured. She is not

there for the kids but the audience. The kids would be honoured. They are obviously

very excited. Kids are also excited when Spongebob turns

up. If you could throw one hail mayory past, one thing to get her reconnect

with votes what would it be?

What would you do? I would have

her have a fight with somebody

and win it. I and win it. I would pick on

someone unpopular. Tony Windsor

or Andrew Wilkie. Those guys -

or certainly Rob Oakeshott -

Oakeshott and Windsor will be

really hard pressed to vote

against her although they are constantly threatening to because the minute they take power away power away from her they become completely irrelevant. They

won't do it. She can take them

on. She, the Government, needs

to use advertising more, Wil.

My God, I'm so surprised by

that answer! What sort of ads

what would you be doing in This

Government spends a lot less

than the Howard Government did. Advertising plays a critical

role in that it tells people

and the public what you are

doing, what the Government is doing. I'm not talking

political advertising but that

say we are in Government and

doing things that Governments

should do. The lack of spin is

mental. You have one thing to

do? My one might be a gimme but

I think she needs to, for the

Australian stage, and the international stage, to show

some real leadership, is

legalise gay marriage.Because

that says are we prepared -

therefore she says I've looked at this wrong, I'm prepared to

backflip and I'm gonna lead my

party into a new era she is immediately on the world

stage as a leader who has stood

up and I think that ticks a few boxes in her spin, branding, position, future voters. I

think that is a biggy. I think

she should go out swings. I think she would go after her convictions, state them clearly, don't worry about

losing or winning an election, bugger

bugger the polls. Just go straight for what she believes

in and go for it. All she has

to do is legalise gay marriage,

pick a fight with Fred Nile who hates gay marriage

will make ads about the whole

thing. Imagine the campaign.

Of course, for all our debate

the real question Julia should

be asking is simple: What would

Putin do?if he was flagging in

the polls what response would

we see from Vladimir Putin, the world's greatest self-spinning

politician. How would he

distract the electorate from

real issues while pimping

himself big time.Easy, he'd do

what he did recently go diving

at Atlantis, a Black Sea

archeological site and surface

with two ancienter is rammic

containers. If he were anymore

of a cartoon action man he

would be Tony Abbott.Oswald

Gruebel, thick, strong and still the most absorbent.

Now the pitch where agencies

sell the sun sellable. Fighting four survival in the advodome.

It is grand final week so we

are heading towards mad Monday,

the annual day of footballer

atrocities and inevitably when

the latest the latest drunken outrage is

reveal players will bleat,

"We're not role models" so

which have asked our agencies

to come up with an ad to convince Australians that we should stop stop expecting

footballers to be anymore than footballers.

Welcome the

How did you tackle this

one? We spoke to players both

present and past and we thought

we might try to persuade the

public to sympathise with them.

Let's have a look.

In regards to the media coverage of my so-called

disgraceful behaviour I would

like to again point out the

unfair treatment and inaccurate

reporting of my life outside football. Great job. How did your side aim up? We

thought we would keep it simple

and just take the opportunity

to remind people out there who

the real role models really are.

Mate, that's not the way we

treat our apples, is it? If you

hit him it will make a real big mess.

You really need to

first. I hope that's not one of

your good mates.They're hard to

find. Boys, no, that's find. Boys, no, that's very

dangerous.A good dangerous.A good role model is

always there. That's why it

can't be us. There's no

substitute for a parent.

Football may be our life but

life is not a game. Good job.

Russel both great ads what did

you like I liked black box

exposing the media spin behind these things but I will go can

Cooch because their message

everyone will agree

with. Toby? I have to go with

Cooch, their strategy is spot

on. Both executions on. Both executions were superb. Lauren? I thought the

first flagged beautifully about

it is that moment captured on a

moment phone that is such an

undoing but the second message

just really drove it home, the

second one. Finally? I thought

the second one did funny and

real, really well, I would

definitely go gore for the

second one. Congratulations to you (APPLAUSE)

I'm just ex-sided that Gavin

Wanganeen has been on our show

now. Register your vote at our

website or call your mum and

tell her. She is waiting for your call. Gruen.

Everyone knows the earth

spins 24/7. Here the proof.

This week Louis the fly came

back from the dead a fortnight

after more teen announced his demise

it looks like the whole thing

because a hoax, a lame attempt

to get us to demand his return.

They even had an encouraging

ready to go. It is time we

killed you off forever. But

killed you off forever. But you

have been killing me off for

over 50 years. You are too old

to be the face of such advanced technology.

I tell you why the fly is

there, your ad is shit. None of

which means that permanent

retirement and miracle

strategy. I worked for Jesus

and John Farne ham.This week we

found out more than 100 primary

schools in China schools in China are now

sponsored by to back o cops

like this primary school which carries the mottto talent comes

from hard work, to back tobacco helps you become talented. Coming soon, young Coming soon, young tobacco time with Johnny Young.

(Sings) #Close your eyes and

I'll (cuff, cuff) #Tomorrow I'll miss

This week your favourite spin

is actually a spin buster. A you

you Tube mash up by Victoria's James Clark who surprised the

anti-Carbon Tax ads with some

very funny south park audio

with people who sound like

roosters. The result is a

comment on modern, whingeing Australia. We salute are some questions for can blah, From families, understand Communities and from small businesses everywhere. They take my job.

Okay Australia, off your

lounges. Stand to attention.

Hands on Hands on hearts, it's patriotism time.

(Sings) #In the land of the Southern

Southern Cross.

#How does it happen? You

#You can get it striving

#You can get it doing nothing

at all. Foster's it's

Australian for beer mate.

Crikey.It doesn't get more

Aussie than those ads does it.

Last week SABMiller paid $12.3

billion for Foster's which owns

VB and Carlton.

now technically pommy beers .

How do you sell an Aussie beer

by is no longer Aussie? I think

you need to separate the

company from the brand. It is

possible for a

possible for a foreign company to market and advertise successfully an Australian brand. It is absolutely

possible. It is illegal to

claim it is 100% Australian own

but Vegemite, most people still

believe to this day that

Vegemite is Australian. It is

100% owned by an American

company. It is absolutely possible. It is just

branding. I am not convinced that sovereign ownership is a

big issue for the VB drinker. I

don't think they read the

financial review they are

looking at the comics in the

Tele. They changed it from

Victoria Bitter to VB so they

knew how to spell it. Not

looking for a job with looking for a job with anyone

who drinks VB. I think you will

find that Russell Crowe drinks

VB.The Foster's sale led to

quite a bit of media handling

about iconic brands bought by foreign concerns. How closely

will Foster's monitor the

public backlash. They will be

all over it but will segment

their research very carefully.

They will look on a brand by brand basis about what do

people think? Who cares about

this and that is where they

will go The people who care my

not be their core brand

drinkers. I think we live in a

90-day world, 24 hour news

cycle. That will be forgotten and people will drink the

beer. They will be diligent

about what is on the side of

the can and where it is brewed.

The brewery will remain in

Australia and they will make sure that it says of the can brewed in Abbotsford

Victoria and they will make

sure that does not leave the can. Let's not forget that

Foster's make Korona, Mexican

beer here. If Australians can

make Mexican beer for Australian consumption why

can't South Africans make

Australian beer for Australian

consumption in Australia. I

often buy Foster's to take it

to a party, put in it the

freezer and take someone else's Foster's competitor s are

looking to pounce. Brew

launched a radio company yesterday taking the piss out of Victoria bitter ads. The

best warm beer in your recently

acquired portfolio is Vic. You

can get it in Essex and Slau,

matter of fact we own it now.

If you would rather an Aussie

brewed beer try Brew for an Aussie Aussie thirst. Will that

work? Remember when Allan Bond

purchased XXXX in Brisbane and

then Bernie powers launched

Powers Bitter. You had to be a Queenslander in order to own

shares in that beer. XXXX is

still with us and Bernie Powers

isn't. Ultimately the big brands will win. Here is

foster's CEO defending the

sale. The wonderful thing about

this deal is it means our

brands have a bigger opportunity offshow and our

people have a bigger

opportunity offshore. The

opens up now. Talk us through

this, who would have alive

rooifred at that line and how? The board of Foster's in

conjunction with conjunction with SAB would have

agreed on the line that was

written up by their financial

PR people and then gave it to

this poor bloke who looks like

he has been reading job

opportunities all morning to go

and spin it. There is a rule

that you should follow if you

are spinning a story and that's

if you look like a tool do it.

This bloke has done a terrific job. His job is to

create value for shareholders.

The shareholders won't mind, he

won't mind, the UK head office

of a South African brewer

buying an Australian beer so they can increase their distribution into Asia distribution into Asia won't

mind either. One of the

greatest thrills, I can assure

you, is when a press release,

media release, news statement, anything business or what not, is copied

into a trade or the press

verbatim. He was cleverly confy dent without

when they asked him specific

questions about who would be

laid off, what might happen he

went back to this is a big

opportunity for everyone. The

crisis media side is around

knowing the questions that

might come up about what does

this mean for hard working Australian families. The

brewery is staying open so those jobs are safe. need so have... Is that what

they went through in the

meeting, do you sit down and

say, "Here are the areas that

will probably come up, here is

what we will be saying sore

what will we say in this

situation?" He is a leader of this company. this company. It is also his

decision making. He would be

handed two or three pages,

possible Q and A at the top of

it with the question and then

the answer and they would

rehearse it. It is very

important that these things are

got right. Do Australians

really give a XXXX who owns the company at all?

it is irrelevant to the

decision making process of most

people. Most people do not -

when faced with a buying

decision if you can get a

couple of bucks off you will

take the couple of bucks off.

It is not critical to the

decision making of most

products. It has not been a

problem for Arnotts, aeroplane

jelly, Bundaberg, Swan Lager,

they are all foreign owned. Patriotism loses out to capitalism

time. Let's wrap up with the

kind of Aussie commercial that

could be lost to us if Foster's

does find its inner Brit. We'd

like to raise one right now to

Australia's favourite son,

Warny.When it came to

tormenting the top order Shane

had them by the balls. Sure,

his middle name might be his middle name might be Keith

but the Sultan of spin could

get almost anything to turn.

Now the great man may have hung

up the box but we can still

toast him with on ice cold

beer. Remember when Warny used

to

A human being. Whoever wrote

that ad clearly had a lot more

than beer on board. Gruen -

conditions apply.That's all for

tonight. Please thank the panellists. We'll leave you with our

continuing search for the worst

product of all time.

Is this entrance - if this

entrant scores the most votes

at the end of

will take home the golden steak

knives which have lately been

relaxing in the back of the

poker machine industry.

It looks like someone tried to

stab a Darlek. This week we are

nominating a CD. How outdated

can you get. Sit become and

enjoy the awkward acting in

this unconvincing commercial

for a product that is a Christmas much. It might even

cheer up Julia, see you next week. Closed Captions by CSI.

Next time you are feeling

down and feeling that no down and feeling that no one

really gets you or you are just

wanting to hear encouraging

words. You can have what you

want. You can do it. The

thinnest line - the finish

line is closer than you think.

Woe are on your side. We cheer for you. We believe in you!

Closed Captions by CSI. ? When I am down here on the floor ? You give me something more ? And I could sail around the world ? When you're here with me ? There's nothing I can't be ? You keep my sky from falling ? You make it all come true Oh, oh, oh ? You come and see right through ? You make it all worthwhile ? You make it all worthwhile. ? I really like it when you wear that shirt, Tinsel. Yes, I got it from Dr N'gonglo at the Banyan Tree Forum, September 2010. This was just before my history-making speech to the ASEAN Summit. That's ASEAN with an 'E'. What? Prime Minister? Julia? Tiny, why are you talking like Mr Tomato Head? (Laughs) I beg your pardon? (Laughs) (Sobs) Sorry, Prime Minis... Kevin. I got distracted by the emissions dumping. Break-up. I mean, rollout with the, er... Anyway, where was I? Herzegovina. So we're looking at gratuitous attendant care services, um... What the hell was that, Wayne? Well, Rudd does look a bit like a tomato. I mean Gillard - she's a disaster! It's been like that ever since the break-up. Well, she's on Q&A in three days time.