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SBS Late Night News -

View in ParlView

(generated from captions) # We know you touch us
in mysterious ways

# But sometimes all that we need
is a quick poke

# So when the parachute comes out
of the closet

ALL: # It's not a joke

# Boom chicka-boom
chicka-boom chicka-boom

# Lord, my mum's weight
will not be such a calamity

# If you give her wind
beneath her wings

# And not just in her anal cavity

# Boom chicka-boom
# Come out

# Boom chicka boom
# Come out

# Jesus, our flaps
are only for you

# Come feel the heat

# Of the parachute beat

# Ruffle, ruffle,
hot chute shuffle

# Rise her to her feet

# Rise her to her feet

MALE CHORUS: # Rise! Rising!

FEMALE CHORUS: # Oooh, oooh, oooh #

It's a miracle!

Chinnie, come on out. Come on!

Oahh! Oahh! Aaarghh!

(Cat yowls)



(Cries and groans)

Captions (c) SBS Australia 2008

This program is captioned live. Gearing up for the election - Kevin Rudd finalising lection - Kevin Rudd finalising his plan for the economy. The PNG solution - the Government says asylum seekers could be sent to Manus Island this week. Tragedy in Italy - more than 30 pilgrims killed as a bus plunges into a ravine.

The odds are shortening for an election on September 7 after the prime Minister decided against a dash to the polls at the end of August. The Federal Cabinet has been finalising inet has been finalising an economic statement delivered -- to be delivered this week. They pay the way for an election announcement any day. Election, what election? With the deadline for August 31 past, the prime Minister is looking to September. In Cabinet, it is just business as usual.How is the family?They are good.Behind closed doors, they are dealing with bigger numbers, finalising more budget cuts alising more budget cuts before going to the polls.Any tough decision is tough politically. I don't think the Australian people are looking for politicians and leaders who are taking the easy options.What we have is a Government which is in panic over the state of the budget. They are sticking to the timetable for a surplus in three years, already having to make up a multibillion-dollar revenue shortfall. They also have to pay for the new asylum policy. They are not sure exactly what it will cost. There will always be a limit in these figures that you are talking about shop -- some thing that the funding has to vary.The Opposition is trying to piece it all together. I am five.They think the government's numbers won't add up. They are refusing to submit election policies to Treasury for the usual or the usual costing.It is completely unacceptable.The economic statement is due late this week. The Government is trying to position as the party of cautious deliberation.Responsible decisions which are the right thing to do without cutting to do without cutting to the bone.You can put lipstick on a crocodile but it is codile but it is still the same of Labor.The Government economic team is celebrating the findings of a new Galaxy poll which ranks the major parties equally on economic management.If celebrity Kevin is in fact as popular as he thinks he is, he would be going to the polls. The law says the election must be formally called at least 33 days before polling day. The next available date is September 7. That would mean eptember 7. That would mean the Prime Minister wouldn't attend Minister wouldn't attend the G 20 meeting in Russia the e G 20 meeting in Russia the same weekend. It would also mean he would have to call it this weekend. have to call it this weekend. Papua New Guinea's Prime Minister says he Prime Minister says he is not putting a timeframe on the first transfer of asylum seekers from Australia to Manus Island. The Australian Government indicated that deal to send adult males to PNG could happen as soon as the soon as the end of the week. Mr O'Neill says the regional issue would be fixed overnight. The heavy lifting to deliver the PNG solution is well under way. Container loads of equipment have been unloaded from a giant cargo aircraft to increase the capacity of the detention centre.We are capable of e are capable of rapid expansion of the facilities at Manus Island.The facilities that he facilities that are contenders include tents and marquees.I'm not working to a deadline of how quickly I need to get people across.I understood it to be a matter of days, but of course it has taken a bit longer than that. I am told they are fairly well advanced in the process of the medical checks on Christmas Island.The Opposition supports the deal but the deal but it does Kevin Rudd's commitment.This is the guy who closed the whole system down in point -- m down in point -- 2008 because he was a man enough to e he was a man enough to leave well enough known. Women and children could be sent there within months. The Greens described the detention centre as a gulag.We know that conditions on Manus Island are inappropriate. They are cruel and inhumane. They are not up to the standards that we would expect here in Australia. Though other countries sign up? The low-lying Marshall Islands says it would sign a similar deal.We have our own concerns. At this time it is difficult for us to offer space when we to offer space when we cannot find space will our own.Fiji has slammed the deal, describing it as arrogant and high-handed. It says the arrival of the asylum arrival of the asylum seekers threatens to destabilise PNG. More than 1300 asylum seekers have arrived since the deal was announced.They would like to think they could overwhelm our capacity. m our capacity. They cannot. Capacity will increase as required.There is another reminder quired.There is another reminder of the human toll of people smuggling. This photo shows a . This photo shows a tiny coffin being carried aboard an d aboard an aircraft containing the body of an Afghan baby boy killed at sea earlier this month. His name has been released. -- hasn't. As many as 50 people have been chilled in a spate of bombings across Iraq. 12 bombs struck Baghdad in the space of an hour, with another exploding in Basra. The attacks come after months of search in violence. Associated press estimates that 3000 people have died in similar circumstances since April. At least 37 people, most of them Catholic pilgrims, are dead after a coach crash dead after a coach crash in southern Italy. They were returning from nearby holy sites when their bus careered off a viaduct and s careered off a viaduct and down a ravine. Two survivors are in a critical condition. Battling the dark and precarious the rain, rescue workers cutting through a record twisted metal in a desperate bid to fight survivors. Often pausing to listen to cries for help will stop paramedics were able to free 11 people. Their fellow passengersple. Their fellow passengers did not survive. The precise cause of the accident remains unknown. accident remains unknown. Local police report that the bus smashed into several cars slowed by heavy traffic before careering through guard rails and plunging 30m into a ravine. Survivors reported to police the harrowing last few moments in which the driver lost control of the vehicle. Some claim the brakes were faulty.

This eyewitness praising the reactions of the driver, now believe the deceased.

-- believed deceased.

On board the bus were nearly 50 pilgrims believed to be all Italian nationals, many of whom were children. With the Break of Day, the cleanup operations begin. Little is left except wreckage. The final rallies have been held in Zimbabwe ahead of the election in two days. The election will bring an end to the power-sharing deal between Robert Mugabe and the prime minister. Mr Mugabe has promised free and fair elections, but an aide to the Prime Minister has been arrested after he reported an irregularity in early voting. Cambodia 's opposition leader has demanded an independent inquiry to examine voting be glad -- voting irregularities. Though the opposition made significant claims, its leader says he cannot accept the result not accept the result which will extend the Prime Minister the Prime Minister 's 28 years in power. Opposition rage in the Phnom Penh. Protesters overturned then set a place to police cars. A rare outburst of anger in a largely peaceful area. A sign of underlying tension. The government of Prime Minister Hun ime Minister Hun Sen has lost significant ground but has still been returned to power. The Cambodian People's party had controlled three quarters of the seats in Parliament. Its majority is likely to be cut to six seats in the 123 eats in the 123 member lower house. The opposition claims widespread irregularities and wants an independent election audit.In order to investigate all the irregularities and to assess the implications of all the irregularities onl the irregularities on election results. Reported incidents range from people saying they were refused entry to polling places to not having their names appear on the official register.The Cambodian human rights and development Association has also expressed concern. Its president says there are numerous reports of voters arriving at polling stations only to discover ions only to discover that ballots had already been cast in their names. Almost all of the governments lost seats shifted to the main opposition party of Sam Rainsy. Its parliamentary representation has more than doubled.What we are interested in is to render justice to the Cambodian people. To ensure that the will of the Cambodian people will not be distorted or reversed.He returned from self-imposed ex- Idol in France to contest the election. In 2005, he was sentenced in it since you to 18 months jail for alleging voter fraud in the 2003 general election. -- in a censure. The EU's foreign policy chief has arrived in Cairo for high-level talks amid growing turmoil in Egypt. Catherine Ashton has just wrapped up a meeting with the interim Foreign Minister. She will also meet with the President, the armed forces chief and representatives of d representatives of the ousted Muslim Brotherhood. She has described as deplorable the killings of more than 70 protesters over the weekend. Political commentator and author Tim Soutphommasane has been named Australia's new race discrimination Commissioner. He is a first generation Australian with Chinese and Laotian heritage. He replaces Helen Szoke, ces Helen Szoke, who left the commission in January. Coming up: Australia's Mother Teresa farewelled in Sydney.

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There is a warning for Australians who have suffered a heart attack - take a doctor 's advice and make appropriate lifestyle changes or risk a premature death. Nowadays Chrissie Charles can afford a smile in the company of her GP, but there was a time when she was regularly fainting and ensuring stabbing just plain -- chest pains.I got very depressed. I didn't know what was going on with my body. I would get upset.A stint relieved the symptoms, but attending a rehabilitation clinic tour to a range of habits which transformed her its which transformed her health.-- taught her. It opened my eyes to see where I was re I was going wrong.The big ones are around nutrition, exercise and smoking.This doctor says aboriginal patients are 40% less likely to receive appropriate cardio care after a counter-attack. Potentially life-saving help and advice is available.The evidence is that e evidence is that people who do formal rehabilitation have fewer subsequent heart attacks and live longer.The evidence is there. We know the problem and we know the solutions.This heart specialist is calling for federal funding for more cardio rehabilitation clinics which he cs which he says provide a skill base and launching pad for a healthy lifestyle.That is the starting point for the rest of your life. Once you have had a heart attack you need to focus on all of the changes to stop you having another one.In the broader community:

the doctor says cultural diversity should also be considered, with cultures with high -- diet high in saturated fat and high smoking rates are at particular risk.Very resistant to giving up those foods and smoking.Chrissie Charles is now determined to be part of the minority and f the minority and stick to the new healthy habits.I felt like a new person. I was just happy. I am full of life even now. SA police have resumed a search for Karen Williams, who is believed to have been murdered in Coober Pedy 22 years ago. The 16-year-old disappeared in August, 1990, and police are searching for her remains in a disused mine shaft on the outskirts mine shaft on the outskirts of town. At first light this morning, police resumed their long and careful search. It is a slow, tedious and often uncomfortable s and often uncomfortable process for volunteer mine rescuers.It is hard to breathe and when the blower isn't working it gets very hot. It is very tough work but it has to be done.They are searching for the body of 16 York Karen Williams, who police believed was dumped down one of four mineshafts on this property. Karen vanished in August, 1990, after accepting a lift from a local man after a night out with friends. The search of the first mineriends. The search of the first mineshaft uncovered nothing, but police remain confident they are searching the right area.Would I be putting this effort in if I didn't believe she was here? The ancestor.Andy Shiels has lived in the outback town for 40 years and remembers the heartache felt by Karen's disappearance.I have always wanted e.I have always wanted to get some type of kosher and especially for her mother and brother. -- closure.It could be days before the search comes to an end but police say they would not give up into the other three shafts into the other three shafts have been excavated. If we get a result, we don't care how long don't care how long it takes.Police are urging anyone with information, no matter how formation, no matter how insignificant it may seem, to contact crimestoppers. The woman known as Australia's Mother Teresa has been remembered at a funeral service in Sydney. 20 years ago Irene Gleeson sold everything she owned and moved to war-torn Uganda ed and moved to war-torn Uganda to look after orphaned children. She was mother to thousands, giving up so much to help some of the world 's most vulnerable. She has been described as Australia's Mother Teresa, but to her children she is ldren she is simply known as mum Irene.I was on the street all my life. My mother died when I was 10 years old. Mum Irene took me on as her own son.Thousands of children in Uganda have been left destitute by the HIV AIDS virus. Also a brutal civil war driven by the Lord's resistance Army.I began to teach them to began to teach them to sing and teach them reading and writing, just writing in the dust.Irene Gleeson has left an amazing legacy. She has brought change to an entire generation. More than 20,000 have gone through her schools. Driven by her faith, she started out with just a caravan, tending to 50 children. I just hope I just hope the caravan into the middle of e middle of this 18 acres of bush.I really don't know how I thought I was going to survive.I have seen her from the very beginning and all of the struggles and heartache she went through. She had such a fighter 's sole and she pushed through.Today, many of those initial 50 children have become managers, working in the five schools now run by the foundation. A sign that her legacy will continue for years to come.Her mission was o come.Her mission was to build these children to achieve their potential. Many have done otential. Many have done it. Now they are committed to carry forward the work that she has started and make sure her vision is fulfilled.It was 20 years that she spent in a dangerous war zone in Uganda. She would go to sleep at night offered to the sounds of machine-gun fire and mortars. It was her belief that what is good for Australian children is also good for Uganda believe that are going for so long. -- Ugandan children. She was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. She died last week at the age of 68.Would I do it all again? Definitely, yes. The sacrifices have been worth it. A Parliamentary committee has found Australians are paying between 50 -100% more than Americans for IT products. A 12 month inquiry finds premium prices are being paid due to inexplicable global trade barriers. The report recommends a consumer education campaign to help shoppers find cheaper goods online by bypassing geo- blocks.We are entitled to get the same content as the rest of the world. We are entitled to the same product and hopefully companies will see value in an Australian customer.The committee found Australians were paying 15% more for Apple products in US consumers. The ACCC has warned Coles and Woolworths it has the power to take legal action e power to take legal action over big petrol discounts. Chairman Rod Sims says in some cases discounting has been up to 45 cents per litre. He says that has the potential to force other petrol resellers out of the market. Mr Sims says it has no power to ban the dockets but it can take steps to stop anti-competitive practices. The Australian sharemarket finished with little change as investors globally wait the US Federal reserve meeting S Federal reserve meeting later this week.

Markets in Europe are advancing in early deals.

Coming up: the weather and it is showtime - a salute to the Australian stage.

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AFL club Essendon's new chairman, Paul Little, has given his full backing to ven his full backing to James Hird. He took over after David . He took over after David Evans reserved this -- resigned the ved this -- resigned the post on Saturday night. The club is confident it will emerge unscathed from the ASADA report.We look forward to the opportunity of being able to use this report to and say what of the allegations and concerns that have been voiced in relation to the Essendon football elation to the Essendon football club. -- cancer. He says the club expects the findings of the findings of the ASADA inquiry to be announced within the next week or two. The Cronulla Sharks NRL club are also feeling RL club are also feeling the ongoing effects of the ASADA inquiry, within the achieve executive resigning. He departs after the club apologised to the four staff as it sacked in March and offered them an opportunity to return. Intimate action, the urn. Intimate action, the Wests Tigers scored one of the one of the tries of the season against Manly. David Nofoaluma pot a high ball and somehow touched down. This Eagles went down. This Eagles went on to 38-14 and into third spot o third spot on the ladder.

Eagles went on to 38-14 and into
third spot on the ladder. To the weather now. A low pressure trough is causing a future was in NSW. A cold front approaching the south is causing a few showers in Tasmania and parts of Victoria. High-pressure systems are keeping other parts of the country dry.


Legally blonde

Legally blonde has just

Legally blonde has just won


musical at

musical at the night

musical at the night help

musical at the night help them awards. The ceremony that recognises Australia's live performing arts industry also ordered to big names from very different worlds. Kylie Minogue and the veteran festival director David went on top.

The hosts reckon being able to sing, dense and act still isn't enough to make it in Australia's entertainment industry.What is the point of stry.What is the point of having actual skills when reality TV pays the bills?The awards to recognise the best in live Australian performances, from comedy in theatre to operate musicals. Ping-pong, operate musicals. Ping-pong, -- in King: 's popularity continues. Here is to be puppetry arts.

The indigenous dense production also owned Best female dense for Deborah Brown and best ballet dense project. The JC Williamson award recognised too big names who have shaped the industry as a whole - Kylie Minogue 's 25 years in the industry has seen more than 75 million albums sold at a series of smash hit shows.Thank you for helping me build this beautiful, challenging, inspiring and amazing part of my career.And David Blenkinsop was recognised for his 23 years of turning the Festival of Perth from a small local event to an international al event to an international arts extravaganza. Over the last few years David has faced a ars David has faced a new challenge - as Alzheimer's has moved in to stay. He is tay. He is facing it just as he has faced the myriad challenges in his extraordinary life.

That is the world this Monday. Good night. Supertext captions by Red Bee Media -


# Ah, you're lookin' at a man
that's gettin' kind of mad.

# I had lots of luck
but it's all been bad.

# No matter how I
struggle and strive

# I'll never get outa
this world alive. #


They're my boys,
Timbo and Stualicious.

You know, I don't like Timbo.

And I'm offended by Stualicious.

Because you're combining my name
with the word delicious.

You've conjured that visual?

Ah, I didn't really like conjure
or give any thought to it.

Shocking.Anyway, I want to play
a prank on the new assistant.

You guys in or what?

No, I'm not a prankster.
Come on, Timmy.


We'll make him feel welcome, like
he's part of the family and stuff.

The way you make someone feel
like family

is by doing something awful to them.

Exactly. Okay, here's the plan.
I'll buy the thumbtacks.

Stu, you look like a tape guy.
You're on Scotch.

You know it.

And Tim, you buy the bagful
of hardcore porn.No.

Big bag, like shopping bag.

I'll get the tape.
Nope, you're the porn guy.

I'm the porn guy.

When did I become this person?

I don't have time
to argue, all right?

Let's review what everyone's


Me. Tacks.

Paper Clips. Nope.

Huge bag of porn.
Exactly. What a team.

Ah, beautiful day, huh?
I admit I like getting up early.

That's right.
Early is good.