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This program is captioned live. Murdered police officer Bryson Anderson laid to rest. Are we raising a generation of dummies? They might not get the same perk as the guys. Why thousands of Australians say they wouldn't call an ambulance even in an emergency. Cycling champion Cadel Evans joins us live in the studio. This is The Project. (MUSIC) Good evening and welcome to The (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) It's all the girls tonight.In the news today - Wednesday 12th of December - some sad news to begin with. Carried by closest colleagues, family friends and fellow officers said the final goodbye to policeman Bryson Anderson. He was fatally stabbed while responding to a neighbourhood dispute last week. Today is the 12th of the 12th 12, they say there will never be another day like this for 1,000 years. I pray for the sake of my family and the police community that they are right. Peter Slipper says he feels vindicated after the sexual harassment claim against him was dismissed. A court judge throughout the case, saying it was a political attack. Ellie Southwood was in court for the judgement. The judge was scathing in court today. What were his main points?The judge said James Ashby had been planning his attack since February. What happened was that the original claim contained three separate allegations. Just one month later he dropped two of those allegations and just went ahead with only the sexual harassment claim. In a sense, the damage to Peter Slipper's reputation had been done, because these scandalous allegations had been aired inside open court. The judge said that was a clear example of James Ashby using and abusing the court for his own personal and political advantage.If I never hear the words Peter Slipper saga again, I'll be very happy. Is this going to be the end of it?No, Charlie, not at all. You would think. James Ashby was very quick to announce his intention to appeal. Nicola Roxon maintained the case was an abuse of the court's process, she said that a number of Liberal Party members have questions to answer over the way they handled this in the public arena. No doubt, she will keep the heat on them. It's a shame we can't start the New Year with some fresh stories. Victoria's Parliament went into lockdown last night after a shocking attack on a protective services officer. A man wielding a hammer stole a gun and turned the weapon on himself. John Potter is the head of the homicide squad. How is your colleague, is there any update on his condition?He underwent surgery last night. He has a depressed fracture to the skull. So he was in quite a serious condition and currently he is stable and conscious.The attacker was known to police. We know that earlier in the day a woman reported him to a different PSO. Given that, could this situation have been handled differently?We don't think so. It's early days. Our investigation is somewhat in its birth. The man in question approached the PSO asking for directions. Immediately, he pulled out a hammer and started to hit the PSO over the head. So very quick sequence of events. The PSO was answering a reasonable query, that they would get asked every day. And something has happened to him, that he couldn't possibly have anticipated.Would you suggest that PSOs should always work in pairs?I understand that's part of a review that's been commissioned by Victoria Police. It's not part of our role to participate in that review. Indeed, that is definitely being looked at as I understand it.We are keen to see the results of that review. For now, we hope that the injured PSO makes a speedy recovery. Homicide detectives are investigating the death of a baby girl left inside a hot car in Bendigo. The 6 mauled fell unconscious. Paramedics tried to resuscitate the girl. A 27-year-old woman was released without charge. A Queensland cabbie struck it rich, scoring a 17-hour fare, paid in cash by a man in boxer shorts and thongs to take him to Townsville from Tenant's Creek. Is the cab driver looking for a fare back? There has to have been a woman. You are only spending $5,000 for love. What else!Maybe there was a woman at the beginning of the journey and he was trying to get out of there. You were saying that they shared a meal at the end of itObviously, the cab driver, not the usual sort, he likes like good company. Speaking of cabs, we have Ten reporter reporting on the findings of a taxi inquiry in Victoria. The Government will sit on the report until next year and has given very vague timelines for action.It can be tough. I sympathise, sometimes it's hard to hold things in.Sorry, too much. I'm sorry.(LAUGHS) Moving on. Health groups are calling for free ambulance cover for all Australians after it's been revealed that many people are not calling ambulances in emergencies because they fear the cost.I've never needed it in 20 years. Camping with friends, I put firewood on and it was under the firewood, the can and it instantly blue up. They said that I would have to get airlifted and I said no. Finding out that it wasn't a heart attack and coming home to a huge bill of $871 nearly did give me a heart attack.People without ambulance cover hit with huge bills when they call on paramedics. As a result 650,000 Australians were delaying calling the ambulance because they are not covered. That's led to calls by Consumer Health Forum for free national ambulance cover.One nation, one system, absolutely, it would be much simpler for everybody. Currently it varies from state to state. Residents of Queensland are covered free. While costs are different for all other states. If you think the health insurance covers you, check the fine print. Often it depends on the level of cover.What are the chances of scoring free national ambulance cover and would it put an end to people risking their lives in the hope of saving a few bucks? Carol Bennett is the chief executive of Consumer Health Forum. People rrnt calling ambulances because of the fear of the bill that's to follow. You need to call an ambulance for critical care, particularly in the first hour if you experience the symptoms of a heart attack or stroke or serious injury. That's a critical time.If I live in Victoria I pay. In Queensland it's free. Why does it vary so much?The states and territories are responsible for Ambulance Services. We have different systems in different states. We want to see that sorted out. We want Health Ministers to sit down and sort out a universal access scheme.You might save money on the ambulance but if you've had a stroke and you don't get treatment straightaway the medical costs down the track will be enormous.And the costs to the health system are enormous as well. That's probably why Tasmania and Queensland invested in universal ambulance cover in the states, knowing it will cost them one way or the other. It costs people in terms of having ongoing disabilities or ongoing health problems or ending up in hospital perhaps even dying. It is a serious issue when people are concerned of not calling an ambulance because of the cost.What are the chances of us getting it free across the country?We think if Queensland and Tasmania can do this, we can't see any reason why other states can't do this as well. Why can't we have some agreement on a national scheme for something that should be a core part of the health system, not an ad -on?I thought it was free. I believe you don't have it either and you know it's not free. Why don't you have it?I have to admit I don't. I'm probably like many people who don't expect to be calling an ambulance any time soon and it's a risk that I take. The problem is that for many people, that risk translates into them not wanting to call an ambulance when they most need that care.Obviously, the goal is it to be free for everybody. Could we make it like Peatsa that you have to pay for it if it's not there in 20 minutes it's free and maybe you can get a free garlic bread as well.It should be a core part of the health system, necessary and important to many Australians quite clearly. Carol Bennett, we appreciate you speaking to us tonight.Thank you. It's tricky, because you never plan for when you need an ambulance. I was badly assaulted, unconscious and bleeding from the head, people didn't have time, they couldn't, nobody could ask me if I had cover, they just think of the emergency. Let's work out if he has cover now and stop.Having everybody covered, everybody can get what they need. Lots more at The Project still to come. Coming up - what have you tweeted likely? Where do you like to check-in? Does women's cricket get the profile it deserves?I think a genuine effort is being made. The daily living

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Welcome back to The Project. It's been revealed that the nurse at the centre of the prank call left a suicide note for her family. Supporters of Brisbane's tent embassy are refusing to budge, despite orders to shut it down. The council moved in yesterday and extinguished a fire. An industrial action over a pay dispute could see crews stop serving alcohol and stop smiling. Cabbin crews voted in favour of action after demands for 5% pay rise weren't met. Water will still be served even if a little grudgingly.At the end of a long flight, when I thought all of the servers were in a bad mood, they are just on strike. You are better off to pay $5,000 for a taxi.I know a guy who will take you anywhere.You've heard of Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke. The women's game is still seen a lezer sport. 150,000 Australian women play cricket. Our national team are back-to-back champions and have won the World Cup five times. But you would struggle to find a women's match on free-to-air TV. It's seen as less exciting than the men's. Look at them for their girls. Some great runs in between the wickets and outstanding catches.You are getting girls who can hit the balls down the over the top. They need to play attractive and aggressive style of cricket.Sri Lanka came down to the last ball.If you watch the women's cricket there's probably more fin necessary involved.Everybody works full-time or studies and plays cricket. In the T20 final Jess Cameron was voted woman of the match.I'm a spare parts interpreter. I'm working out with the boys in the workshop when they are working on the cars, balancing work and cricket at the same time is definitely hard.They may be able to juggle the two for a short time. The women's game has come on in leaps and bounds. Australian women have access to the same level of coaching as the men, and several female players are paid to promote the game.There's a long way to go before men and women are treated equally by administrators. I think a genuine effort is being made. There are still little differences like the daily living allowians and type of travel. Men travel first class and the women economy. For the stars, it's not about the money. I hope we get the recognition that sometimes we might not get. We love it just as much as the men and we grew up on T wearing the green and gold is something nobody can take away from you. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) We've had a lot of

That is part of the problem. The perception is ridiculous. Women's cricket team is one of the most successful sporting teams that there are. Guys are really into sport. Women, you always joke about how you're not into sport. Women have to get behind women sport as well.I wouldn't watch the men's cricket nor the women's cricket. If I get there - I will watch the women's cricket. It's a slow process getting me to watch cricket full stop.I'm with you, Kerry.If they wore underwear?Staying with cricket - reporters have been told that mate Wade is the go-to guy for all your pre-match information but I'm not so sure.I don't look too much into what's going on outside the Australian cricket team.Do you have an opinion on four-prong tactic?I have no idea to be honest. You should have heard what he said about women in underwear.Let us know what you think, even if you want to big up the women cricketers, hop onto the sites on screen, including our new zeebox site. A big day for weddings. What else makes 12thth 12th 12 so special? Is the Government's plan to move our education system forward actually moving backwards? Was this harmless fun or racist?

The Project. Come on. Just relax those nerves.
This is not really a sport. OK, that's good to know.
WOMAN: Let's do it, guys! Alright, let's gee him up.
Here we go. Releases the ball.
ONLOOKERS: Ohh! That was short.
I'm a little self-conscious. Got the glasses on. Hiding the
eyes. He's looking for the wind. Make mama proud! Make mama proud! I call it 'patting the bottom'.
MAN: Nice. Just like a pat on the bottom. He's gonna carry that through to
the gully. He's gonna take it out! Oh!
Gutter ball. Reckon that was a good one. MAN: Good one, there, mate.
(LAUGHTER)

Welcome back to The Project. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Kitty Flanagan has some feedback., "Alcohol should not be allowed on planes anyway." Thanks from the fun police.Back to the news - two out of three bouncers who bashed a teenager at The Ivy have been sentenced to jail. A District Court judge said she was satisfied that the bouncers were sorry for the attack. The Pope is hours away from sending his first tweet. He will answer at least three questions from around 1 million followers. Tweet your questions using: It will be funny if his tweet was a retweet. That's the way to get in, retweet Justin Beiber. I think he has something like 650,000 followers and he hasn't even tweeted yet.I can't wait. What will he tweet?It will be something good.I hope he'll tweet jello, because Jesus rose again.All of the Madge yesh social media sites listed the most pop already topics of 2012. You don't get ahead waiting around until January like a champ. History used to be what old men wrote in books, now it's what everybody writes on the internet. Is that a good thing? No time to consider, we have online friends to recap. The Olympics was the most- talked about event with 150 million posts. The Games hit peak tweets when the Spice Girls sang at the Opening Ceremony. Whitney Houston generated millions of posts but the most popular was this photograph of Barack Obama hugging some lady. Was it his wife? Maybe. No time to check. Australian Facebook users posted about One Direction, VOICEOVER: And 'Big Brother'. Maybe we were doingal all of these things at once because online we need to know everything now including what is love and what is Scientology. Do these lists tell us anything about ourselves and more importantly, if a tree falls in the forest and fob tweeds about it, did it really happen at all. The question remains unanswered.I'm just checking in at The Project.I think we know you're there.Yeah. Are you checker in person?It's nice to get gossip on people around the country and where they are.That's stalking.I don't but that's because I know most of my neighbourhood. Some people go away on holiday, I don't do that because people would break into my house.I think ten of the most popular things was Joseph Kony and how quickly that came and went.I'm still on that band wag wherein. It's retro now.Victoria Beckham was at the premier of 'Viva Forever' and she really knows how to work the camera. Check it out. Here she is giving us bored, changing it up to bored or bored from a different angle. Bored with the fans now. (LAUGHS) Is that the look we'll see you doing at your shows next year?I am edoing the big festivals next year. An hour of this.(LAUGHS) Sorry, not that. That's wrong. Just that.Adelaide's and Sydney? Queensland, a few orbits. God, you should check my website. I have a website, I haven't got Facebook. (LAUGHS) Here is what's making news today - family, friends and fellow officers of Bryson Anderson today said their final goodbyes at a packed funeral service in Sydney.Today is 12th of the 12th 12, they say there will never be another day like this for 1,000 years. I pray for the sake of my family and the police community, that they are right. Mourners heard that the 45-year-old father of three who was stabbed last week had shown exceptional bravery while under attack. A Federal Court judge dismissed James Ashby's sexual harassment claims against Peter Slipper. The Government is now attacking the Opposition's handling of the case. To have a judge saying that a combination of Liberal Party activists were working together to use the court to try to bring down the Government, is a pretty serious finding.Security is under review at Victoria Parliament after a shocking attack on an armed guard. A man wielding a hammer bashed an officer. 'Hey Dad' actor Robert Hughes has board ed a plane in London and is expected to arrive in Sydney tomorrow. He faces 11 allegations of sexual assault of children dating back more than 20 years. Thousands of couples around the world are tying the knot today across Australia. 12th of December 2012 is thought by some to bring good fortune and a long marriage. Baby, it's lucky, let's get married on 13th 13, that's the date I bet guys are saying.We're often told how important it is to be a smart nation. Today we learnt that primary school students scored the lowest in an international test of reading.Four of the five top schooling systems are in our region and we aren't in that coveted top five. Not so long ago, the Prime Minister told us that she had a vision - to see Australia join the top five education nations by 2025. Today her dream might have become a pipe dream because when it comes to the keadcation basics Australia just copped a pretty bad report card. First up - reading, our fourth graders are ranked 27th out of 48 countries. In math, 18th and in science 19. Perhaps more worrying is that 25% of fourth graders failed to meet the minimum reading for their age. Business as usual is simply not acceptable when it comes to education reform. The results in reading are a cause for concern.At eightth grade level things look better.Neighbours are getting top marks compared to 9% Down Under. Now, it should be noted that these results are from tests given in 2010 before the Gonskey Review and the rollout of the new national system.What does it mean for our future when kids struggle with reading?These are disastrous results. Paint us a picture. What will the results be in 20 years time?We know that skills in literacy, numcy, are essential not only to the rest of the school system but to life beyond school. The links between finishing school and getting a job and lifetime earnings and health outcomes. It's important to individuals that they have minimally acceptable standards of literacy and numeracy.There's a big difference in the results between Year 4 and Year 8.Be careful about interpreting that. There are different countries involved in Year 4 and Year 8. Germany and Denmark outperform us in Year 4. Those two countries don't participate at Year 8. So it's a little difficult to make direct com Parisians. It appears that our relative standing improves between Year 4 and Year 8. Should the parents take responsibility?I think that's a good point.Thank you.We can't just leave this to schools and teachers. This is an improvement agenda for us as a country and the broader community and parents in particular have an important role to play in this. Parents can do that by reading to their children when they are young, by taking an interest in what's happening at school, talking with the child's teacher about where the child is up to in their learning, asking what they can do to support ongoing learning. Parents have an important role to play.The busier that life gets it's easier to drop off and only read one book instead of three. If you make the effort, the difference that you see in the child is huge.Yes, so many parents are so busy these days that it is difficult to make this time. What the research tells us - it's important. It makes a difference to spend time with your children, reading, taking an interest in what they're doing, getting engaged with the school.Good to get your take. Thank you for your time.It's a pleasure. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Of course, the issue everybody is concerned about - including the Edcation Minister is literacy. We'll be back here before you can say literacy. (APPLAUSE Time to lighten up with
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(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Welcome back to The Project. Attracting global criticism after launching a long-range rocket in North Korea. The communist state insists it was only launching a scientific satellite. Reports that a Harry Potter film is being shot in secret. It's believed Helena Bonham Carter will reprise her role in the mini movie.I know the plot of this mystery Harry Potter movie. Harry wanders around aimlessly looking for somebody to fight. (LAUGHS) Spoiler alert.And preparation for the Grand Prix - focus, Kerry. On Phillip Island going very well and the track looking very smooth.It's as smooth as a baby's bum. I have five kids.Although that looks like something else from a baby's bum. What is it with you tonight!I didn't do it.Making news around the world - three people are dead after a masked gunman opened fire in the US at a shopping centre. Panicked shoppers tried to hide as police search for the gunman later found dead. HSBC agreed to pay US authorities a record $1.8 billion in fines for laundering drug money out of Mexico. The bank concedes it failed to condition duct basic due diligence and says it is profoundly sorry. As authorities reveal Nelson Mandela is suffering from a recurring lung infection. He is said to be responding well to treatment but will spend a fourth night in hospital. Caroline Wozniacki has been branded racist after impersonating Serena Williams during an exhibition match in Brazil.It's not racist. It's not funny but it's not racist.It's kind of mean if anything.Possibly. I don't know.I think they are good friends though so she wasn't offended by it and she's done it before, she sang a song by Rihanna. It's a bit of a theme between them I think.Speculation abounds that twitter is said to announce $165 million profit, before they got slapped by a heavy fine by the British government. For failing to file UK accounts. It has received a penalty of $375.Oh, my God 375 - quick treat everybody before twitter goes under.We'll be back with Cadel Evans after the break. Coming up - we visit middle earth. Plus - sights set on two world records. Cadel Evans tells us how he went. This is The Project. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Try Oporto's first-ever
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(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
It's time to welcome our next guest. The Tour de France may look like a group of men on nice bikes. To those in the know, it's nothing short of pure hell. 21 days, 3500km, the Tour de France is arguablely the most physically and mentally demanding sporting event in the world, compared to running a marathon several days a week for nearly three weeks. While the total elevation of the climbs was compared to climbing Everest three times over.Who would be mad enough to complete this enormous challenge eight years in a row? Our man, Cadel Evans. That's who. Not only compete but a two-time podium finishes in 2007 and 2008 and reaching rock star sporting status by becoming the first Australian winner of the toughest longest and most challenging event in the world. Please welcome Cadel Evans. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Now, last night you were aiming to break two world records. Most electricity generated and most lights lit by pedal power. How did you go?We broke, they broke a world record. I pedalled a bit. (LAUGHS) Charlie was there with you. Did he help or hinder the experience?He pedalled a bit. Everybody else pedalled a lot and we broke a world record. We sort of blew it out of the water.You loved it and said it was break.An amazing experience. When we were going to break one of the records and everybody pedalled harder and you went and in my mind I thought I have to go with you. I was a fool to try. We were on fixed trainers, we didn't go anywhere.In Charlie's mind he would have been pretending that he was in a race with you.My mate caught a great photograph. Have we got the photograph? I'm definitely ahead of you there.(LAUGHS) That's probably the sporting highlight of my life it's safe to say.There was a great moment last night to fire everybody up as we broke the record towards the end of the night. We played footage of you winning the Tour de France, some of the highlights. And I got emotional watching it. It was one of the most amazing Australian moments.It was very emotional. Having just lost the Tour de France in 2012 and to see it again and we had this really good one in 2011, it was a very special moment. I was there riding it so I wasn't watching it.You didn't really lose the Tour de France, did you?180 started, one wins and one loses. That's brutal. The odds are slim.That's such an amazing experience. Watching it last night I could tell. It still means an amazing amount for you. How hard is it to come back and do that again?I've been racing for 20 years. The next day you wake up and you have another race. You ride one Tour de France and next year there's going to be another. And there will be another each year until I retire. You just keep going. I wch watched it and I rarely watch sport and I got so tense when you all road together and I thought if you fell off then, was there any doubt in your mind. My heart was in my throat that you would actually cross the line.Mine was a little bit too. I don't watch much sport but I do a fair bit of it. My thing is to cross the finishline and then do that bit.They do this thing for the camera. They were doing those photographs for the champ paining and things and we're all about don't drink and ride and the motorbike filming me crashed in front of me. It's a bit dangerous actually. Anyway, I didn't crash. Cycling has been in the news for all of the wrong reasons recently. We heard that Lance Armstrong has been stripped of his Tour de France medals. You competed against him at that time. How has cycling changed since then?Since 2005 there's been huge change in mentality and so on and big news and scandal sells newspapers, I just noticed. (LAUGHS) So, yeah, sports scandal. Even though it's old news a lot has changed, a lot of the riders has changed and the mentality of the teams. Win the Tour de France, lose the Tour de France the biggest thing I think is from the public and not so much from the media. It's not about you lost, you road a good Tour de France, you were there consistently, you came second or third. I think when we are looking at young athletes, if you want to be good, you have to be more motivated than just participating. Just because somebody came second by 23 seconds, doesn't mean you point the finger at them that they didn't win, it's about doing your best and that's taking a lot of pressure off people on all levels, not just professionals. Do you think what's happened to Lance Armstrong. It will never be worth that, the end of that story is so profound.The interesting thing out of this whole affair. I speak for all sports - as a deterrent, such a strong deterrent, probably the biggest thing. You have investigative jump 678 and police investigations and that deterrent on sports will be the biggest thing out of it in the long-term. I'm a huge fan. I'm nervous meeting you tonight. I think you are the greatest Australian sportsman that's ever lived. You are a dad. And being one of the greatest cyclists in the world. What's changed in your life since becoming family man?Instead of doing my stretches after training, little guy here crawls all over me and dribbles over me and puts my hat and glasses on.We would love to chat to you for hours. It's been an honour having you here. Please thank Cadel Evans. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) We are going to take a quick break. More in a moment, don't please.
14 sleeps until 'Hobbit' opens in Australia. It took thousands of casts and crew 266 days of filming to shoot the movie.I think we delivered 530-odd weapons for the 13divarps, 7 tons of silicon. Massive quantities of product were going out the door every day. One of the film's most famous locations. One of the most iconic sets in history. We are seeing it in 'Hobbit', I need to steel something. You are never getting this back.In 1998, a location scout discovered the farm south of Auckland. Peat Jackson had been given $350 million to do it and my wife was standing behind him and shook her head like this.That is where Sam lives. Grant Daniel lives in that little one over there.The sense of scale is really important in the films, with human-size characters acting opposite dwarfs. Scale doubles are used.My double was an 18-year-old woman, she had to learn to fight like me and walk like a man, which she did greatly.'Hobbit' is sure to be pretty much the biggest thing ever.The first Lord of the rings films probably weren't my cup of tea. I considered them to be fairytale stuff.It hits cinemas on boctioning Day.I became a blood doner. Everybody goes away, nobody donates. If you have one hour of your time, go in there. It's superior easy T didn't hurt. You get free milk shakes and sausage rolls after.If you are peckish pop in. A lot of feedback on our female cricket team. Thank you so much for joining us on MAN: (SINGS) # The moon belongs
to everyone # The best # Best things in life # Are # Free. #

Wait - so, what is
this nonsense we hear

about you two
calling off the wedding?

Go on. Tell them what Elrond said
at our rehearsal dinner.

My father won't give us
his blessing.

He insists I marry my own kind.

EDDIE: Tommy.
Yeah.

How far do you think it is
across the aisle?

Uh, four feet.
That's not very far.

It's a lot like these two fan bases.
I don't get it.

I mean, both of them
believe in magic, right?

Defending good over evil. Beards.

Beards for sure.

I just had a crazy idea.

What if this wedding were the thing

that brought these two fan bases
together - a beacon?

It'd be a new frontier.
A new frontier, right?

The next generation,
that's for sure.

Why can't we put aside
our differences

for magic we can all believe in?

Love.

MAN: Hear, hear.

By the power of Greyskull,
let us wed!

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

(BAND PLAYS GENTLE MEDIEVAL MUSIC)

(SINGS) # Young man,
there's no need to feel down

# I say, young man

# Pick yourself off the ground

# I say, young man

# 'Cause you're in a new town

# There's no need to be unhappy

(MUSIC BECOMES SYNTH POP)
# Young man

# There's a place you can go

# I said, young man

# When you're short on your dough

# You can stay there

# And I'm sure you will find

# Many ways to have a good time

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA... #

Uh, you know what, guys?

I'm actually going to beam up
to the bathroom, OK?

Well, um, we camped out
two days for this.

This sucks!
No, we're getting that autograph.

# Fun to stay at the YMCA

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

These people are too anal.

Sticklers for authenticity
over things that don't even exist.

"No, that Tower of Mordor
wedding cake isn't to scale!

"Where's the secret drawbridge?"

At least you're not a nerd magnet.

I'm being hit on more than a ball
at a Quidditch World Cup.

(CLEARS THROAT) Ladies.

Oh, dear.
No.

I believe the word
you are looking for is 'bludger'.

It's not going to happen, minotaur.

No.
Close. Centaur.

Well, nobody's gonna
ride you tonight, centaur,

so just gallop off.

('YMCA' INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES)

Whoo!

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

(CLAPS)

Nice job...
(SPEAKS MYSTICAL LANGUAGE)

OK, I left my flux translator
up on the bridge,

so I have no idea what that means.

It's the name of your band.
I'm pretty sure it's not.

In Elvish, it is. It says it
on your kick drum, Neander.

Er, are you on the bride's side,
the groom's?

You really don't...you don't know?

What am I supposed to know -

that pleather is readily available
in Middle Earth?

Excuse me, human condom.
Yeah.

This is genuine
Italian space leather.

I need it to breathe up there.
Oh, so you're from space. Perfect.

OK. That's good to know.
Anything that helps you breathe.

Hey, Barry, is... That brunette
talking to Tommy, is that...?

Excelsior! That's Alexa Stone!

Wow. She must be here to promote
her final season of 'Nebutopia'.

What's she doing
flirting with Tommy?

He doesn't even watch the show.
She should be flirting with me.

I'm the one who lost
my digital virginity to her.

I'm recording this
for my spank bank.

All anybody ever wants to talk to me
about is my character or the show

All anybody ever wants to talk to me
about is my character or the show

or where the map
on my inner thigh leads.

Listen, as long as you have
an inner thigh,

I really don't care what's on it.

Hey, give me your phone.

OK. Keep this private, though.

Because my fans can actually be
a little obsessive.

Yeah, my fans are really
obsessive as well.

No, but I'm serious.
This is not a joke.

Alright, buddy.
I'm gonna see you later, OK?

OK. See you around.

Wow. She's hot.

That...was awesome!

Alexa Stone just gave you
her digitalia.

OK, that's... You know,
you don't have to kneel. Thank you.

Alexa Stone is in
the fanboy babe hall of fame.

She's worked with the sci-fecta -
Whedon, Cameron, Rami.

And you're going to nail her
in every portal.

Well, be gentle...especially
with portal number three.

OK, thanks a lot, guys. Good stuff.
I'm Wesley. This is Doug.

We want to hire you to play a party.
What party?

The one we're having on Wednesday

when your dad goes to that
medical conference - remember?

At my hou...? No way.