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Tonight - the royal radio prank call scandal that's left all sides hurting. How would automatic enrollment affect election results? The country town split over pokies. Coming at ya - her majesty goes 3D for this year's Christmas message. And Kitty Flanagan joins us live at the desk. This is The Project.

Good evening. Welcome to The Project. Please welcome back Kitty Flanagan and Helen McCabe. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) We have a huge show including the wonderful Stephen Merchant later. A Sydney radio station at the centre of the royal prank call scandal say the station tried several times to contact those involved in the prank before deciding to air it. Since then, as we now know, the nurse who answered the phone was later found dead following a suspected suicide. When Mel Greig and Michael Christian from 2Day FM called the hospital posing at the Queen and Prince Charles, no-one was expected what would follow.If this works, it's the easiest prank call we've ever made.The pair were put through to the ward responsible for caring for Prince William's pregnant wife, Catherine. And were given a brief rundown as to her status. While many in the Australian media saw the lighter side of the prank, overseas the prank was condemed. The nurse who had taken the call was later found dead.I think it's really important we focus on looking after the people that have been seriously affected by it. It's family of the nurse that has unfortunately taken her life and the people involved in the prank. We don't want any other people suffering mental health problems.Prank calls on commercial radio are hardly a new phenomenon in Australia, but those involved are supposed to be made aware the call is a prank before it is broadcast.The thing about a prank call is you have to have the got ya at the end. And I think that if you don't have that element, it leaves the audience wondering were they in on the joke and how will they feel? ACMA is talking to 2Day FM about the fact and issues surrounding the prank call.I think it's important to let the dust settle before we rush in to demands for more media reg ylgdz.Regardless of whether media guidelines are reviewed, there's little doubt about the backlash of the presenters has come thick and fast. And everybody on all sides wondering how this all went so terribly wrong?We struggled about whether to have Mel or Michael on the show tonight. We have seen Mel broke down in some of the interviews we did this afternoon. Instead, we're joined by the CEO of Southern Cross Austereo. It is pretty obvious question. How are Mel and Michael holding up?I think Mel and Michael are holding up, they're taking each minute as it comes. Their genuine concern is for the family. This is a tragic event. Not something anyone could have reasonably foreseen. These guys, their primary motivation is the wellbeing of the family which has been nothing short of a tragedy. It's been reported that Mel in particular had a very difficult day today and can -t had been reported her family and friends had some concerns about her mental state - why did Austereo still put the pair up to be interviewed today by current affairs programs?Look, we had a long discussion with Mel and with MC. It's something they felt strongly they wanted to do. They feel great sadness about the tragic event. It was their decision. We also took into account the professional people that we've had helping these two young people - and we took all of it in to account. Do you have any regrets you did make that decision and didn't take the responsibility for the decision-making process?Well, I think that these two individuals have been, I guess, lined up and paraded as the architects of all this and it's their fault. Look, I felt strongly, I felt strongly they wanted to say, "We're hurting and are dopely concerned about the family." This isn't something they take lightly. It is a prank. It is a prank that would happen all the time within the radio industry across the world. No-one could have foresaw the circumstance. They felt it was important they do this.I understand they wanted to speak out and I can completely understand why and how they must be feeling but do you think two days after such an event they are in the right mindset to be making that decision?Well, I think there's lots of views on that. We sought their consent. And we also sought professionals' views on the issue. And we felt this was a good step to do.I'm in no position to judge what these guys did because I say and do foolish things all the time but when it comes to broadcasting I have producers observe me who say, "You can't put that to air." Did anyone feel maybe that shouldn't go to air?I think that's an important question to ask. And I want to make it clear these two individuals operated within the normal procedures that we have within our business. And I know it's important people understand these two individuals did not recklessly just decide to put something to air. They went through a process.We heard the ACMA guidelines would suggest you have to tell someone in this case, the nurses, they were being pranked and get their permission at some point to air it. Why was that protocol not followed?Again, we have a process and a procedure in place. We followed those procedures that were put in place. And part of that is a legal review of requirements. And as an organisation, we believe that we've done what was necessary and we believe that that isn't the case.If the ACMA guidelines say you need someone's consent before you broadcast a recording you made and you didn't have that consent? Again, again - I'm telling you we did the appropriate legal review on the issue.Did either of the nurses that took phone calls know they were being put to air?We attempted to, we're on the record of saying we attempted to contact the hospital on five occasions. Look, I think that if you look at the prank as the prank, 24 hours before this tragedy, it was a light-hearted attempt by two young presenters to do something with a goofy accent and we've ended up with a consequence no-one could have predicted. That's the tragedy. There's people affected by this tragedy too. But that's the reality. I'm deeply sorry. These guys are deeply sorry too.What about the culture of commercial radio then? There's been a lot talked about today in that regards. Is there time commercial radio changed its culture and banned these pranks?I think as a company, and I can't speak for everyone at commercial radio, I can say what our organisation has put in place and one of those is we've taken all such calls off air until we can conduct a further review of what we want to do in the future.We appreciate your time tonight. We hope Mel and Michael are getting a heap of support and we appreciate you coming on the program.Thank you, guys. (APPLAUSE) Lucy McDonald is our London correspondent. What's the latest where you are?Everybody here in Britain is waking up to the news that Mel Greig and Michael Christianson have given these interviews. As you've seen, the reaction from most of the British media has been pretty ferocious. I know the Australian press are saying they're quite shocked at how we've acted. The headline - hoaxed nurse died of shame as backlash against phone pranks grows. The victim's brothers has spoken out and it's his words she died of shame and would have been devastateed to have let the call through. And the husband is furious at both the DJs and the hospital. He's due to visit Jacintha Saldanha's lodgings today where she is thought to have taken her life with his children. There's going to be an inquest in to her death and will it be recorded as suicide? There's even some speculation here thin press it could be recorded as manslaughter, holding the DJs responsible for her death. Although many people think it's a step too far and purely British press speculation. We heard from the chairman of the hospital calling the hoax call extremely foolish. This story is running and running here.There is a view in Australia the British press have been absolutely ferocious in their attack on the Australian DJs but initially the British press were fairly critical, were fairly critical of the nurse as well - is that correct?Well, it's a really tricky one. I think the British press do love to put a finger. There is a witch00 going on here. I had dinner on Saturday night with lots of journalists and amongst the journalists everyone is extremely sympathetic towards the two DJs. One of the points of interest is the fact the prpbg call was on a civilian and -- prank call was on a civilian - and I mean someone who is not a celebrity or in the public eye. She is extremely vulnerable and people feel sorry she was attacked. A person who shouldn't be in the frontline. There is loads of interest here. I think the British media has been - if you look at why this story has become so big and important, it's because of our complete obsession still, both here and abroad, of the royals. If that didn't happen, we wouldn't be here in the first place. There's a lot of finger pointing going on here. And perhaps we're pleased we're deflecting the blame to Australia and don't have to look at the hospital or our internal procedures or the media here. It's good to blame the finger at someone else for a change.Is anyone in the media there perhaps suggesting finding someone to blame isn't the most responsible thing to do right now, given there are another two people feeling the pressure of this situation?Absolutely. 'The Guardian squats said the hunters have become the hunt -- Guardian' said the hunters have become the hunted. What's the story broke on Twitter, there was massive moral outrage. A massive amount of hatred towards these two DJs. That's been reflected in the British press. There has to be some moderation here.We'll see what happens over the next few days and hopefully cool heads can prevail. Thanks for your time.Thank you.It's important to say if you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety or depression, help is always available. Convicted killer Leslie Camilleri has pleaded guilty to murdering Melbourne teenager Prue Bird more than 20 years ago. A court has heard Camilleri abducted the 13-year-old from her Melbourne home in 1992. Her body has never been found. Camilleri is already serving life without parole for the NSW Bega schoolgirl murders. Light rain is helping firefighters contain a large bushfire burning on Queensland's North Stradbroke Island. The evacuation of residents and campers from the town of Myora. In Western Australia, the search for a missing surfer has switched from rescue to recovery. Three buddy surfers ran in to trouble in a vicious rip on Saturday. At Margaret

Margaret River. One man in happier news now - parents are reportedly spening hundreds of dollars on gifts for their child's teacher. From designer handbags to tiffany bracelets, the end of year splurge is leaving other mums and dads feeling the pressure. They mean by the children, not mum and dad doing a collage.I don't have kids, maybe I don't understand this. Surely, at the end of the year, that's a waste of a good gift. Surely you should give it to the teach kwhoor will teach them next year so they have a good run?My first experience, I gave a box of chocolates and looked at what everyone else is doing. But this year I got a handmade mug with her name on it.It's weird you think a mug is an improvement on a box of chocolates.It had her name on it!We put to a web poll today.

That would be the teachers again. We're going to take a break. We'll be back with plenty more. Coming up - Stephen Merchant joins us in the studio. Dad's spraying flies again.
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You're watching The Project. Sydney police have made a breakthrough in the 1982 terrorist bombings on Israeli buildings. They believe to have uncovered an image of a woman that may have been involved. Police are warning motorists not to rely on Apple's latest mapping system, after several people became stranded following its dodgy directions? The town of Mildura in Victoria's north-west is 70 kilometres away from its actual location in the Sydneyal of a national park, using Apple's maps. I have tried to use the new Apple maps and it's not graifplt every time I use it I have the feeling to develop the software, they got a bunch of dads, dads that refuse to ask directions on a family trip and it takes longer. "I know what I'm doing." Moving on. Early this year the Government passed new laws allowing the xen lecteral Commission to add unregistered and lapsed voters to the electoral roll. Imagine if there were a million and a half opinionated rebellious and left-leaning young people instantly added to thelecteral roll?If all of those voters were enrolled and turned out to vote, potentially it could affect an election.If the latest analysis is to be believed, it's the Coalition that would cop the losses.That's largely because the people who are not currently enrolled tend to be disproportionately young and Labor in their preferences.The Opposition currently holds 10 seats with a margin of less than 2%. Several of these have a high proportion of young people of voting age. So it's a shrewd move for Labor who hasn't had the best time in the polls of late. Naturally the Opposition is outraged.Labor will always tip the scales in their own favour if they can, rorting the roll is routine for the Labor Party.Wasn't it in the Howard years the Coalition banned new voters from enrolling as soon as an election was called, something that naturally benefited their own polling efforts? What if these unregistered young people simply aren't interested in voting? A recent poll showed those aged between 18 and 29, only 30% believe democracy is a preferable form of government. Is automatic enrollment just a political ploy aimed at boosting Labor's chances in the next election or is it the only way to make our elections enroll all the people that can vote. Given that voting is already compulsory here, isn't it automatically enrolling people a natural extension of that?Charlie, it is a natural extension. Anything that reduces obstacles to enrollment and potentially enhances democratic participation, particularly for young people

young people -Why do you think so many young people worldwide are not interested in politics at the moment?It's a long time ago I became the youngest woman to get into politics. It was important for me, the symbolism of getting young people involved because I wanted greater youth participation. What happened - I suspect a lot of young people feel very cynical. I don't think young people are apathetic. Like many of us, they're sick and tired with politics and Parliament at the moment.If you look at the recent US election, it bucked the trend. Youth participation was at its 2008 levels which were a record. Is it a matter of you have to have a set of ideas and principles that cupeal to young people?Absolutely. It is about values, principles and engaging people. They have the added obstacle of having to get people out to vote. I think there's an onus here on our political leaders and our members of Parliament. They have teensure people's needs and interests are taken care of and that means appealing sometimes to a younger dem grfb as well. But -- demographic as well. Let's engage people.Do you think it could be a boon for the Sex Party?If anything is going to do it.Great to speak. See you soon. I had a number of friend who didn't know they dropped off the roll. Something like this would prevent those peep from missing out. I'm wary of anyone who doesn't want everyone voting.Who doesn't want to vote? People who don't want to vote?The thing about this, it is all about getting extra votes for the Labor Party. That will work for the Labor Party, even if it's only a very small amount in key seats. The Liberals are against compulsory voting because that would favour them. I hate to sound too cynical but it will be about getting extra votes.Shouldn't the Libs try and win over the young people?They don't do it very well. Try and appeal to the young people. That's outrageous.Staying with politics and young people. Peter Garrett was promoting rugby league and showing it's a game for girls as well. Girls too. Watch his form. There we go. Running. Thank you. Going to throw it now. Behind me. Here we go. Running. And to you now. I think I've got away with that. So...I don't think you did. (LAUGHTER) Perhaps he was just dancing.He got away for a long time.We're going to take a quick break after this. How much are you spending this Christmas? And the debate over pokies splitting a community.It's important to know how much problem gambling it would lead to.

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I zil have a UBD. What is it -- I still have a UBD. Do you know what it is?Yes. Isn't it a book? A Victorian country town has come together to say no to any further poker machines.Just an hour's train ride from Melbourne is the town of Castlemaine. It's a popular destination for people trying to escape the city.It's been a friendly town and people care about each other. It's basically I suppose you could say a grassroots working-class town.But Castlemain serbgs union eke. There's no McDonald's, Coals or -- Coles or Woolworths here. The only change is a Sub-- chain is a Subway.People do not want growth here. They oppose it.But the plan to build a community club with 65 new pokies has split the town of 7,000 people. I think it's the most important thing that's happened in Castlemaine in 150 years.David moved here from Melbourne 10 years ago to run the local cinema. He's the president of Enough Pokies in Castlemaine, a community group with over 1600 -- members.This is a massive development at the gateway of our town.Castlemaine has 30 pokies but two machines per 1,000 people, it's lessthen a third of the State average. 65 new machines will change that. This couple are on the local committee that will change the -- these two people are on the local committee.They don't have to play poker machines. It has been branded as a pokies barn.It's beyond belief to think we are prepared to riv all of the social impacts that are established and understood for the prospect of a cheap meal or a comfortable couch to sit on. The developer behind the plan now.It's a not-for-profit organisation and we thought we were doing something really good for the community here.But the people disagreed, with at least two-thirds of the town behind them, the the local council went to court to stop the developers. The year-long fight has cost almost $200,000. For those worried about a rise in problem gambling, it's money well spen. It's impossible to know how much problem gambling it would lead to. How do we measure that - is one suicide a lot or 10 suicides a lot? I'm aware of two suicides that have been related to problem gambling. People will be deprived of what they want because of some problem gamblers.They say the money it will pull in will be a positive. Ifia look around Australia, everywhere you go, the good clubs all have pokies. The money people lose subsidises everything else. That's part of the deal. That's the way it works.Castlemaine is at a crossroads. The fight is on for the future of the town.Taeb maybe it's not about poker machines.

If you have just joined us, here is what's making news. The fallout from the Royal Radio prank continues. The distressed DJs have spoke publicly. They have broken their silence, expressing their remorse over the tragic death of Jacintha Saldanha.We have had long discussion with Mel and with MC. It's something they felt strongly they wanted to do. They feel great sadness about the tragic event. It was their decision.If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety or depression or anything you've seen on the show tonight, help is available. The man behind the Bega schoolgirl killings has pleaded guilty to murdering missing Melbourne girl Prue Bird in 1992. Leslie Camilleri told a Melbourne court he acted alone when he abductsed and murdered the 13-year- old more than two decades ago. A Sydney inquest has heard a 16-year- old who died after eat agwalnut biscuit baked in a cooking class was let down by the NSW Education - - education system. Raymond Cho suffered an anaphylactic shock last year. Firefighters are battling a fire in a marina housing. More than 200 boats north of the Gold Coast. At least 20 boats have been destroyed. Firies say only luck prevented any explosions. Five people have been arrested after an unofficial Christmas party at a Melbourne department store left the shop trashed. After 20 workers past and present broke in to Dimmeys on Saturday night. The party soon turned rowdy with windows smashed, and fake snow littering the store. I reckon they were all at work this morning for an hour going, "I think the store has been trashed."If you want cheap underwear, that's the place to go.Wow! Break in, have a party, all the free underwear you want.The dim dim boss has said they get to keep their -- boss has said they get to keep their jobs. He was outraged by the parties that was thrown. Have a look at the outrage.The party got out of hand. They did a few things that were a bit naughty and the snow around the place and threw a few things around, got outome guns and started shooting.That's right. For all your underpants and gun needs. They were toy guns but he went on to explain who was responsible for all the damage.Unfortunately, at 1 o'clock in the morning, some rabbit had went and broke the front window. Police are looking for a rabbit with a gun.I really hope that matching shirt-tie combination is available too. More than you bargained for is their slogan. Christmas is approaching or are we approaching Christmas? Either way, Aussies are getting to be spending a bucketload on Christmas presents. How much of that will be going to those who need it most?To retailers, Christmas is a gift. Aussies will spend $6.5 billion on gifts, $934 million online and nearly $5.6 billion in stores. That's $285 for each of us.This is the week when everybody wakes up and goes, "Christmas is only a week or two away."Australia Post expect to deliver an extra 3 million packages these Christmas. 70% of them are online purchases. Retailers are pulling out all stops. While we prepare to stuff our stockings and faces, let's remember that Christmas is less than a joyful time.People were reminded about family and about giving and friends. There's a whole group of people that miss out and can't be part of it. It makes this time of yerreally sad for them.More than 40,000 young people are homeless and 2.2 million Aussies live in poverty. That's 600,000 kids below the bread line. The good news is you don't have to make major sacrifices to help others this Christmas season. Even a small gesture can go a long way. If you know you're doing something, no matter how small, then your shopping trips don't have to be big trips too. The founder of Do Something is here now. It's a bit of a cliche but it doesn't take much to make a big difference, does it?It doesn't. If you think about all the times that we're going to be out shopping over the next couple of weeks, think about helping out some of the retailers who are running initiatives to help people who are less fortunate than ourselves. There are many people doing food donation drives. Also many retailers who are collectsing presents for kids. If everybody out there just maybe gave those projects a helping hand, it could make a really big difference.So many of us get presents we don't need. I've decided to give my girlfriends' goats and pigs and water for Christmas because whatever I give them will end up in the top draw. What are the alternatives?There are three great things you can give. The chicken will go to someone who needs it in a developing country. And your friend gets a gift card saying you have given a goat or a chicken on their behalf to someone who needs it. The Red Cross are suggesting you have a gifts for everyone where they're asking people to go to a shop and buy a charity store gift. When you give it to your friend, it's a gift that gives twice because your friend gets a gift, but the money the Red Cross gets goes to someone in need. The other final gift I think is quite good is the alternative technology association for $15, you can buy a solar panel for a family in East Timor. So three really useful presents that can make a real difference.I'm still getting over the disappointment Carrie is not giving me an actual pig.Exactly what do you give your friends for Christmas?I like to support ox FM. I think they're a fantastic organisation -- Oxfam. I think they're a fantastic organisation. For my daughter last year, I basically got her one of those orang-outang sponsorships and it gave her so much pleasure. If we can support these kind of alternative gifts, you make people happy. To me, I think that's what Christmas is all about. The joy of giving but also thinking about creating a better world. That's what Christmas is all about.True meaning of Christmas. That's what everyone is forgetting. Bravo. Thank you for speaking to us.I can get you an actual goat.Carrie knows a guy. We put together a brief list of charities who are looking for help. All the links are on our website. Get on board.Let's go back to Dimmeys. This is one of the employees at the party or was he?There was a party. I may or may not have been there. It was a great night. Good place to work. We thought we would celebrate.

We're going to take a break. We'll be back in a minute. There's plenty of ways to get more out of The Project online. There's our website which has stacks of things on offer, including extended interviews, past episodes and viewer foroms and it could be on Zeebox.

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Welcome back. In New Zealand arbs royal commission has found Christchurch's CTV building should never have been built. 115 people were killed when the 6-storey office block collapsed in the #2011 earthquake. The report found the structure the 2011 earthquake. The report found the structure didn't follow guidelines when being built. The unidentified lights left the scientists scratching their collective heads last week, prompting them to re-examine the pictures and make the discovery there of bushfires.It turns out that was last year's Dimmeys Christmas party.Time soosee kwhees making news around the world. Nelson Mandela has spent a second night in hospital and is said to be comfortable and in good care. It's the second time this year the 94- year-old's been hospitalised. The government will only say he's undergoing tests. Worshippers have gathered to pray for their hero. The crisis in Egypt continues despite President Mohammed Mursi agreeing to wind back his sweeping new powers. The opposition's calling for another round of protests while rejecting plans for a referendum on a new constitution that's divided the country. To south-eastern Europe where at least six people have been killed as heavy snow and freezing temperatures cause havoc. In Croatia, neveriest snowfalls in almost 60 years. In Serbia and Romania, airports and roads are closed and public transport is at a stanstill. The Queen is going 3D for her annual Christmas message. She will make history this year, becoming the first royal team brace the technology. You will need a 3D TV or especially glasses to see it and we're told it will make the Queen appear more lifelike.That's harsh. How do you think that came about? She watched 'Avatar' and thought, "I want to do that?"Look, it is always important to get involved at your sporting events.I hear you. Totally.At the cricket doing this and the AFL, a bit of this. Ifia go to boxing, which I know you do, apaerpbtly you have to do this. -- apparently you have to do this.I'm not sure it's a good idea I do that.Why not?We're all in to boxing.C for champs.Love to box.He's the winner. Given the belt. It's a belt, mate. It's not a necklace, mate. It's a belt. It's a belt.Jesus.It's a belt, dickhead. We have to take a break. Don't go anywhere.

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Welcome back. Time for our next guest. When you're responsible for some of comedy's funniest and most cringeworthy mopltsz, it's only natural -- moments, it's only natural you'd want to get in front of the camera yourself.I feel I'm among my penal at basketball games. It was his partnership with Ricky Gervais that made him a household name.Sorry.Popping up in all sorts of films, Stephen has never lost the love of what got him in to the business in the first place - stand-up.Any money I make I don't have to share with you know who in stand-up.He's here with his show, Hello Ladies. Or should I say -Hey, ladies.Please welcome Stephen Merchant. phen (CHchant. Merchant.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Welcome to The Project. Very excited to have you here. You were actually on the search for a lady, am I right?Well, yeah. Don't come along to the show expecting to be made the one. But I'll happily take any CVs, gifts, cards, flowers. What is a love resume?You'd be surprised. When I did interviews in enland, I started getting love resumes through the post. They would find my address somehow and it would bea letter with their dating history. I was in a relationship between 1992 and 1998 and it didn't work out and now I live at home with three cats. If you're going to send me a photo of you, get some professional shots done.Usually those women write to prisoners, socit's kind of like - Please. They normally write to people who have worn their families' head as a snafplt areia being too picky? I'm looking in all the usual places like supermarkets and homeless shelters.What is your plan?Put something suggestive in the basket like two apples and a cucumber.Do you get one dinner out of the freezer and then grab another one.Make a note of that. What about Australian ladies? Have you had any of these love reswrums from Australian ladies?I have been very impressed by the Australian ladies. I have said hi to a few. Most of them haven't said hi back. It's early days. I've been here a week and a half. I mean, you never know when love might land in your lap.Moving on, when you wrote 'The Office', did you have any idea how big it would be?No idea. No. We did a show we thought was kind of, reflected our experiences of life in offices and we thought people in the UK would like to it. The idea it then became huge and this thing that's been remade all over the world is extraordinary to me.It's remark -- remarkable a quality show from the UK went to the US and it wasn't appalling. Were you relieved after that?I was relieved. They have tried to remake 'Fawlty Towers' in the US and it doesn't work. We thought that we've done our version and we would get too involved. But I think we chose wisely the people we gave it to and they did a great job.Did you watch what they did - they've had the opportunity to do 120 episodes and you only did 12 plus a couple of specials - do you ever sit there and go, "I wish we had done that?" All the time. But I watch it like a fan. We couldn't enjoy our version because we were busy making it. I still watch the show like I'm a fan. Like someone has design adshow just for me.So you're thinking, whoever thought of that show is brilliant? They have done remakes all over the world. There's an Israeli version. A French version and a Souths American version. I'd love to see a Japanese version where they do a really good day's work and go home. People would go, "That's just like my life.I call him Ricky Gevvais because I wouldn't want it to be personal -- Gervais because I wouldn't want it to be personal. I get the impression when you're working together, it's probably you that comes up with the harder core stuff and he's saying, "That's a bit far?"I don't think so. When we're in the room, we are kind of constantly trying to shock the other one sometimes. We never set out to shock, really. We always wanted to do something that was honest and some of the things that make me laugh are uncomfortable real-life situations. Like dating, bad dates. It's excushiating. I think everyone relates to that. We start out trying to be truthful and people take it to be offensive.How does Carl Pilkington operate?You don't let him operate anything.For those unfamiliar with it, the radio show, you work with him and he is genuinely an idiot abroad. Is it remarkable that such a genuine idiot can be such a gold mine of comedy?We started working with him and he wasn't supposed to be on the air. We would ask him questions and he would come up with theories and statements like, "You never see an old man eating a Txix?"That's a exact -- "Twix." You can't even verify that on the Internet.And a lot of celebrities who were only famous buzz of who their father was. And they're only famous buzz of who their father was and Callum Best said, "You -- and Carl said, "You could say the same about Jesus." Please stick around. Stephen's show is touring around the country. The DVD is also out. See the live show, then watch the DVD. It's just better that way.Take a break. We'll be back with Stephen in a moment. Sam Mac visits Middle Earth. Cadel Evans has his sights set on a world record. And the continuing controversy over wind farms.How can it possibly be there are over 200 health effects being attributed to

Time to lighten up with
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for a limited time.

(STIRRING MUSIC)

Welcome back. With 100% more Stephen Merchant. Did you manage to find a wife during the break?Yes. Three.That's good to know.And you're one of them.I work fast. Manchester United will take on an all-star A-League Aussie team in a friendly match in Sydney next year. The Premier League giants will bring a full strength team including Wayne Rooney and Rio furt nand. And treating them mean to keep them keen apparently works according to an international university study. Withholding sex, sarcasm and flirting with others are the top tactics used to hold on to a man. And girls are more likely than guys to play hard to get. Maybe you need to play hard to get.. I am. It's not working. I'm playing hard to get and easy to get.Has it worked the other way with you because you have to like the person as well. Women that kwhold sex and treat you badly, does that work for you?One of the things that happened to me a lot. You go on a date with them and then you text them and they don't text back for days on end. I put her in a cab at the enof the night and sent her a message saying, "Did you get home safe?" Two days later I'm panicking because I didn't hear from her. I'm thinking she's in the ditch somewhere. A week later she finally calls me and instead of being flirtatious, I was angry. Thank God you're alive! "That'sThe end of our show, unfortunately. Would you please put your han together for Mr Stephen Merchant. Supertext captions by Red Bee Media -

What? Not everything is deducible. You're all professional chefs,
you're all very good chefs,

but we wanna make you great chefs.

To do this we've recruited
someone special.

He is the original bad boy
of the kitchen.

Many famous chefs have
passed through his doors -

Curtis Stone, Heston Blumenthal,
Gordon Ramsay.

Him he reduced to tears.

He is the godfather of
modern cooking,

Marco Pierre White.

I'm looking forward to
spending a bit of time with you.

You gotta push, you gotta push,
you gotta push, you gotta push.

I'm looking forward to
spending a bit of time with you.

Quickly, quickly, quickly,
quickly, quickly. Come on!

How long for my eight pig?
How long for my eight pig?

How long... Come on!
MAN: Yes, Marco!

You told me you were professionals!
Are you misleading me?

On order. On order. On order.

"Yes, Marco. Yes, Marco.
Yes, Marco."

I like my name.
MAN: Yes, Marco!

Two quails, please.
Two quails. Two quails.

CHEFS: Yes, Marco.

Come on, come on,
it's only a dropped plate.

Kick it under the table.

Come on, let's not forget it -
the service, we're a team.

I'm looking forward to
spending a bit of time with you.

I want my quail! I want my quail!
I want my quail!

MAN: Yes, Marco!

The people on table two
are asking where their quail is.

MAN: Quail in one minute!

Put your heart and your soul
into it and push.

Service!

10 seconds! 10 seconds! 10 seconds!
10 seconds! 10 seconds!

Matt, in five seconds.
All on the pads! All on the pads!

All on the pads!

Service over.

(CLOCK TICKS)

I'm looking forward to
spending a bit of time with you.

SHH!

Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, happy Valentine's Day.

(BOTH)Ooh!

Muwa. So, Fratelli's tonight?
Hello, cannoli canoe.

I like it. Nice fit.
Swanky material.

Jay, you look so strong and sexy.

Like an Olympic wrestler
but with money.(BOTH LAUGH)

Your turn.
OK.

This is my favourite day in America!
Happy Valentine's Day, gorgeous.

(GASPS) They're huge!Oh, my God!

Yeah, those will work.Beautiful.
You can wear 'em tonight.

I have a surprise.
(GASPS)

Don't tell me, you're finally
taking me salsa dancing!

And who's David Brenner?
Only a Vegas legend.

Is he a magician? Cos I love
magicians.He's a comedian.

A comedian. It's Valentine's Day.

I thought we were going salsa
dancing.You're gonna love him.

Trust me. The guy's hilarious!
OK. Tell me one of his jokes.

Well, he doesn't do jokes.
Does he have a mallet?No.

How does he get hit in the head?
He doesn't get hit in the head.

He makes observations.
He tells the truth in a funny way.

He's been on Johnny Carson
a hundred times.

Who the hell is Johnny Carson?
Oh, for God's sake.

Gloria and I are from different
generations. It isn't always easy.

Last week, she thought Simon
and Garfunkelwere my lawyers.

No, I didn't.
It was a joke.I don't get it.

That's because there's nomallet.
I wish I had a mallet right now.

Let's just stay in northern Cal...
Did you indicate to her...

..how long you were gonna take?
Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy.

Happy Valentine's Day, Lily.
Notice anything different?

Oh, that is cute.Cute?
We spent a lot of time on this.

You just cut up one of your boas.

Actually, no, we repurposed it.

It was sort of a "Bob Mackie
meets Martha Stewart" project. OK.

We just thought it would be a nice
surprise.It's hardly a surprise.

You dress her up for every holiday.
I was giving her a bath last night,

and saw traces of Martin Luther King
behind her ear.We get it.No.

It's adorable. I'm really nervous
about my closing argument.

You've been rehearsing for weeks.
You'll be great.Let's hope so.

Since you'll be in court all day...
Yeah, you can open the chocolates.

Score!
'(DOORBELL RINGS)'

Hi, Dylan.
Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs Dunphy.

Oh! Dylan, thank you.
That is so sweet.

You know, all women should look
as tasty as you when they're old.

Huh. Conflicted.
Hey, baby!

Hey. Take this sweet gift
as a token of my affection,

my unending love and admiration.
Oh, my God! Yeah, it's big!

(GASPS) I love it.It's the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen!

You gotta put a black light on it.
It'll blow your mind.Ooh.

Wow. Dylan, I didn't know you could
paint.Oh, I didn't. I took a photo

and I put it through this program
that turns it into a painting.Oh.

So you two actually did...that.

Uh-huh.Yeah. OK.
Let's go put this over my bed.

No. No, no. You don't need to be in
the bedroom at all.I'll take it.

'Did he trump me?'
D-money. 'You tell me.'

He made a painting
out of a photograph one time.

I handpicked a card, drew a heart in
the steam on the medicine cabinet,

and taken Claire to a family-style
Italian restaurant

for 17 years in a row.
Yeah, he got me. He got me.

(PEPPY THEME MUSIC)

Bye, honey.See you later.
See you later.Phil, what is that?

You know, we don't have to go
to Fratelli's tonight.

OK, what do you have in mind?

Well, I thought you might enjoy
a night at a hotel.

I would.
But would you and the kids be OK?

I meant together.I know.
Oh.I know. I know. I got it.

So,... what do you think?

I think you're not getting
any sleep tonight.

So you might wanna take a nap
at work today.

I always do.

Phil?Sweetie.