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Clarke and Dawe Christmas special -

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Clarke and Dawe Christmas special

Broadcast: 09/12/2010

Reporter: John Clarke and Bryan Dawe

Clarke and Dawe's Christmas special.

Transcript

KERRY O'BRIEN, PRESENTER: For their final outing for the year, here's John Clarke and Bryan Dawe.

BRYAN DAWE: Now, your name is Sandy; is that correct?

JOHN CLARKE: That's correct. Yes, Sandy. Yes, that's right.

BRYAN DAWE: And you've got a surname, Sandy?

JOHN CLARKE: Yes, Claus.

BRYAN DAWE: Sandy Claus.

JOHN CLARKE: That's right, yes.

BRYAN DAWE: OK. And you're in the seasonal gift delivery business, I understand?

JOHN CLARKE: Well would there be kiddies watching this, would there?

BRYAN DAWE: Yes, there would. There would be a family audience, of course, yes.

JOHN CLARKE: Yeah, we're in the festive logistics solutions area.

BRYAN DAWE: Ah ha, the festive logistics solution ...

JOHN CLARKE: That's right, yes.

BRYAN DAWE: What does that involve, Sandy?

JOHN CLARKE: Oh, a big warehouse, you know, plenty of equipment, some livestock, personnel,
costumes.

BRYAN DAWE: Right, right. And you have staff of course?

JOHN CLARKE: Got quite a big staff, yes.

BRYAN DAWE: And who have you got working for you?

JOHN CLARKE: (Whispers).

BRYAN DAWE: Beg your pardon?

JOHN CLARKE: We've got some ... (whispering) elves. No, no, no, I'm just telling you (coughing)
elves! working for us, yes.

BRYAN DAWE: OK, we'll put that down as a mixed small business, I think, shall we?

JOHN CLARKE: OK, yes.

BRYAN DAWE: OK, and where are you based, Sandy?

JOHN CLARKE: North. Quite a way north.

BRYAN DAWE: Northern suburbs?

JOHN CLARKE: Probably cover it, yes.

BRYAN DAWE: And a busy time of year for you, Sandy ... ?

JOHN CLARKE: Going like the clappers! We're going like the clappers right at the moment.

BRYAN DAWE: And who's going like the clappers?

JOHN CLARKE: The elves. (Clears throat). Can I have a glass of water, please?

BRYAN DAWE: OK, your special subject tonight is the events of 2010.

JOHN CLARKE: Yes.

BRYAN DAWE: Your time starts now. Best of luck.

JOHN CLARKE: Thankyou.

BRYAN DAWE: Who was the Australian Prime Minister at the beginning of the year?

JOHN CLARKE: Kevin Rudd.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. And who was running the country during the middle of the year?

JOHN CLARKE: Laurie Oakes.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. And who is running the country now?

JOHN CLARKE: (Whispers).

BRYAN DAWE: Did you say elves?

JOHN CLARKE: No, sorry, glass of water.

BRYAN DAWE: OK, fine.

JOHN CLARKE: Julia Gillard is the Prime Minister, yeah.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Correct. Julia Gillard has said that Julian Assange has acted illegally in
releasing material on WikiLeaks. What Australian law has Mr Assange broken?

JOHN CLARKE: Oh, I don't know; I'd need to see the actual cable from the United States Secretary of
State. The detail would be in there.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What is cricket?

JOHN CLARKE: Pass.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. What does FIFA stand for.

JOHN CLARKE: Bloody near anything by the look of it.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. Who is Sepp Blatter?

JOHN CLARKE: Ooh, I don't know, but he doesn't sound well, does he?

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. The Australian Parliament is not sitting over the Christmas-New Year period.
Who'll be running the country during this period?

JOHN CLARKE: I don't know, elves?

BRYAN DAWE: Did you say elves?

JOHN CLARKE: No, no, sorry. Just a glass of water. I have no idea, Bryan.

BRYAN DAWE: Correct. OK, and a Merry Christmas to you.

JOHN CLARKE: And a Merry Christmas to you too, Brian.

BRYAN DAWE: And to you lot.

JOHN CLARKE: And to them.

BRYAN DAWE: Who are they, by the way?

JOHN CLARKE: (Whispering). Elves.

KERRY O'BRIEN: And now a few parting words. We kicked off the national 7.30 Report on December 4,
1995 and within weeks found ourselves in the election race that saw Paul Keating's political career
end and John Howard's long reign begin. A lot of happened since - the tragedies, the triumphs, the
big landmark moments and the little things that nonetheless brighten our lives. I've enjoyed your
company and I hope you've enjoyed mine. There's a great team of people in this place, but you know
that and you can expect good things from 7.30 with Leigh Sales and Chris Uhlmann next year. I can
honestly say it's been an honour and a privilege to share this space with you. We can get together
again on Four Corners next year, but now, as they say, the time has come to say goodnight. Have a
great Christmas.