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Rove -

View in ParlView

(generated from captions) (music plays stphrfplts (.

(music plays).

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! All hell had broken

loose. Or should I say broken ute.

My mobile office had become the

centre of a diabolical controversy.

The silver tail had accuse me of

fraud which was total bull shit.

The only time I've lied in an email

was when I was single and sleazing

is Kevin Rudd, around on dating web sites. My name

is Kevin Rudd, I'm foot 4, black, I

love making love at midnight and

walking in the rain. I'll take you

to heaven and back as long as you

can pay for your own meal. It

turned out there was a mole in our

midst, the e vilgrechgrechgrech but

I couldn't - God win grech. I

couldn't figure out why we hadn't

seen him br. He had seen him br. He had been steeling

from me for years. I hope no one is

listening to this. Why is there a

microphone in my spaghetti. I had

no option but to take out God win

for good. Looks like it's time for

me to bring out the uzi. Silver

tail was out or blood and going off

for Swanny who wasn't helping things things swaning around in his new

car. Ma the hell are areo doing

with a golden ute? I like them.

I'll give you a kick to the head. I

wasn't giving Swanny the God win

grech treatment but he needed it

nefrs. I turned out the silver tail

was wrong and I was back on top

looking a million dollars. Did you

see Turnbull try and stitch me up? see Turnbull try and stitch me up?

Better luck next time. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

It gets more action. Let's meet the

man himself, please welcome the

real Kevin Rudd PM. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.

I'm going to get myself a car, are

you know any good dealers in

Queensland?. Not offhand, but I'm

sure I Malcolm Turnbull could email

you some suggestions. Dude, what is

going on? What is going on? Like, this -

this - it seems it's he said she

said going on all over a ute. Does

the ute exist, do you even know the

ute. What's going on? There was a

ute. It's got four wheels. But -

You do have one, though. There is a

ute. You saw it in the pictures

there, and I declared this guy lent

it to me about 2.35 years ago. Had

all the pecuniary all the pecuniary interests

registered. I love it when you talk

dirty. So, if I were you, talking

about dirty, given where you have

just been, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. I

ute. would dip into that. Back to the

ute. Tell you what happened was Mr

Turnbull said that I'd been corrupt,

that I had tried to make things

easy for the guy to get access to a

Government finance program and he

based it all on this silver bullet

email which was a complete forgery,

a total absolute forgery. That's what happened in Parliament last

week. You know what happens when

people throw mud, I'm sure some

sticks. I'm sure in the opinion

poll there will be some damage.

We're up go the real changes - jobs,

climate change. Obviously now that

puts Turnbull directly in your

sites. Nothing - I think Mr

Turnbull's put himself in his own

sights. Sit hard not to take

advantage of this situation but as

you said there's far more important

things going on. Yeah. Global

recession. Everyone in your

audience tonight, small business,

worried ant your jobs, stuff like

that, schools. We're trying to make

a difference on that score. That's

what we were trying do in

Parliament last week and frank will

this whole debate has been one huge

distraction. You got very angry,

though. Well, if though. Well, if someone accused

you of being corrupt and accused

you of lying to Parliament, I think

you'd stand up for yourself and

that's what I did, and when this

whole thing collapses because this

email is a complete forgery, a fake,

it's false, then I think - you know,

and of course it's been run across

the newspapers as if this forged the newspapers as if this forged

email is true, then you've got to

stand up for yourself and, as I

said, if people throw a whole lot

of mud some of it sticks. But let's

put that behind us, get back to the

main job, which is what are we

going to do about the global

recession, what are we going to do

to make a difrpbgs. If you go out

there in the economy today and

looking at people who want to keep their apprenticeships, keep small businesses afloat

businesses afloat and do what you

can to support jobs, down here in

Melbourne there were some bloke it

is other day. Shane and Corey,

these blokes are out there working

on a project we have got going, one

of 3.5,000 across the whole country

at the moment Is this going to be a

long story? No, but it's a real

story about real people affected by

this real - Does it end ip with me

in this naked suit? No. Good, in this naked suit? No. Good, good.

It's a quality story. And it's got

family values attached as well. But

I have to say these guys haven't

had a job - one bloke said he's

been basically stretched on his

couch for a long period of time.

We've given him an opportunity to

get a job, an apprenticeship and

back to work and we're trying to do

that what we can across the That's what people expect that what we can across the economy.

Governments to do. But when people

come and go whack over something

like accusing you of being corrupt

then you've got to pause for a

minute, deal wit, put it to one

side and get on with the job. Can I

say, Mr Rudd, Utegate was a lot of

fun. Parliament was fantastic. You

weren't in it. No, but watching was

great. I know you had some great. I know you had some nice

words about Mr Costello in his

retirement, is Parliament a little

bit like wrestling where you have a

wrack and crack and afterwards you

go e oh, that's a good win.O To say

something nice about the guy when

he's buggering off. It's not

wrestling, more like mud wrestling.

There's talk of you having this

temper, this where's my hair dryer

and that's not the food I ordered,

all of that going on as well. all of that going on as well. Do

you have that in you? Do you have

it in you? Have you got a hair

dryer? You looked good tonight.

That ease because - That sort of

stuff - Just on the hair dryer it

never existed. A complete

fabrication. I just didn't exist.

The story in the newspaper was he

takes a hair dryer off, get so

upset because there's in the a hair

dryer in Afghanistan. Is that why

you were upset?

you were upset? But - When did you

last use one? A while ago. I have

to ask you this - Last time - Baz I

do love the fact you're on Twitter

and you were twitting during the

week df after you'd been booked for

the slow, you didn't know Bruno was

on until after you had been booked

for the show but how have you for the show but how have you

booked for that but more

importantly how has the person who

booked you for the show dealt with

that? Well - had this chat saying,

well, Rove, yes, Sunday night. Then well, Rove, yes, Sunday night. Then

I hear the next day, oh, guess

who's on with you. I said, who's

that? Bruno. Is that bore rat I

said. Yeah. So, I said, so are we

on together like, you know, in the tide yo at

tide yo at the same time? Yeah. So

I found out after. I've been in a

state of induced panic basically. I state of induced panic basically. I

think most of you would be, too.

He's gone out the back. I had heard

of Rove. Alright. Are you ready for

your final five, Mr Prime Minister? your final five, Mr Prime Minister?

Now, you'll be pleased Now, you'll be pleased to know,

although you owe me, no who would

you opportunity gay for anymore.

We've moved on from that. We have

actually You wouldn't do it. I got

very upset. I was sad. Number five,

would you use a comfort wipe? What

for? Depending how far away it is for? Depending how far away it is I

suppose. You mean in your hands are

dirty. No. Depending on the

circumstances. Come on. Number four,

when Peter Costello leaves

Parliament will you secretly miss

his cute little smirk? I reckon

he's got some strengths, yeah. So

he's been around for 20 years so I

think we'll all miss him, yeah. How

many, number three, how many, number three, how many times

a day do you actually shake the

sauce bottle? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.

This is called pause for thought.

Not often enough. Incidentally, was

that a dare because you said that

like three times in one like three times in one interview.

Was that like one of your kids

dared you to say that as many times

use could? It may surprise but you

all but I grew up in a farm in

Queensland. It's kind of in in.

It's part of the old thought

process. I love it. Bring it back.

Number two. Fair crack of the whip. Number two. Fair crack of the whip.

Number tworks have you ever had a

sexy dream about someone Fay mouse?

What's number one. It could lead

into that. It's your visual into that. It's your visual

question, Mr Prime Minister. What's

the first thing you think of - I

don't know what this one is the -

is - when you see this? Oh. That

could be me after a standard

Saturday morning mobile office

undertaking a regulation park up

the back. Alternatively, it could be the

be the - the shape of Mr Turnbull's

ute at the moment or - or I think -

I think it's just a piece of

absolute wreckage. I'm sorry about

that. Everyone of those sounds like

a sexy you fa Miss m. Thank you

very much, Mr Prime Minister.

Always a pleasure. Can you do me a

favour? Can you do me a favour? Sure. Some time

Sure. Some time in the next week,

could you actually on Twitter much

like our Kevin Rudd character could

you actually tweet Twitter time.

Twitter time. Twitter time capital

and then exclamation plaque at the

end. OK. You want that Yes, please.

What time? Any time. Up to you.