Note: Where available, the PDF/Word icon below is provided to view the complete and fully formatted document
Disclaimer: The Parliamentary Library does not warrant the accuracy of closed captions. These are derived automatically from the broadcaster's signal.
The Chaser's War On Everything 2007 -

View in ParlView

(generated from captions) Yes. In musical terms, 'stringendo'... BUZZ! Yes? Speed up. ..means to accelerate the movement. "Speed up", well done. Have a listen to this,

tell me the name of the band. SONG: # We'll make great... # BUZZ! Porno for Pyros. Exactly, Alan. According to the West Indian folk song, also covered by the Beach Boys, who came in on the sloop John D?

DING! My grandfather and me? Yes, exactly. My grandfather and me, well done. You got it. Which Beatle famously said, "If you tried to give rock and roll "another name, you might call it Chuck Berry?" DING! John Lennon. Yes, well done. Which band released an EP in 1990 called 'Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah'? BUZZ! Blur? Ah, it was the Pogues. Oh. And your final question. 'The Pogues' is short for 'pogue mahone'... BUZZ! Yes? Kiss my arse. Well, you don't win the show! Yes. What does this mean in English,

'kiss my arse'. Well done, Alan. APPLAUSE Oh, does it? Yes! Oh! (Laughs) At the end of the show, the final scores are, Alan, Diana, Corinne ended up on 13 points, but Myf, James and Frank stole the day, 18 points. CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, Myf. Would you please thank all our guests for tonight, Diana Doherty, Corinne Grant, James Lynch and Frank Woodley. APPLAUSE And of course our two team captains, Alan Brough and Myf Warhurst. APPLAUSE We leave you tonight with a clip from the legendary rock band, 'Spinal Tap'. The song is called 'The Majesty of Rock'. And it features Nigel Tufnel playing the yellow guitar

with flames on it that we showed earlier on tonight. Thanks for watching Spicks and Specks,

my name's Adam Hills, good night Australia. APPLAUSE ROCK MUSIC # There's a pulse in the new-born sun # A beat in the heat of noon

# There's a song as the day grows long # And a tempo in the tides of the moon. # It's all around us and it's everywhere # And it's deeper than royal blue. # And it feels so real # You can feel the feeling # And that's The Majesty Of Rock! The fantasy of Roll! # The ticking of the clock The wailing of the soul # The prisoner in the dock The digger in the hole # We're in this together... and ever... MYF: There's the guitar! APPLAUSE Closed Captions by CSI *

This program is not subtitled CC

CC CHEERINGAND APPLAUSE

Good evening. Hello,

Australia. Good evening right

around the country. Strap yourselves in and welcome tool

the war as the count down to

election 2007 is under way.

What a contest it's shaping up

to be. Let's look at the major

players and how they've pitched

themselves to voters. We have

Kevin Rudd offering new leadership and

leadership and on Sunday we had

John Howard offering the right

leadership and Kevin Rudd came

back offering extreme right

leadership. It is a sea saw

battle for the vote. Howard

says he's created more jobs

than any other Prime

Minister. That's because under

WorkChoices people have to work

three jobs to make a living.

Sure. I must admit y was

worried when Howard made this worried when Howard made this

statement. I see unumplom

under a future Coalition

Government as having a 3 in

fronts of it. He's planning an

unemployment rate of 34%. That

is a new idea. How can people

say Howard is out of new ideas.

He even had a new idea about

the official interest rate.

It's 6.25.

It's 6.25. 6.5 actually.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 6.25, 6.5. Let's

not quibble. Howard's always been committed to lowering interest rates. Especially in

his mind. Interest rates are

incredibly low in his memory. Also, John Howard has

laid down the gauntlet to Rudd

for a debate this Sunday. As

always, there's been the usual

haggling over the format of haggling over the format of the

debate. Howard want the debate

at the Great Hall in Parliament

House this Sunday. Rudd would

prefer a comedy debate on chens

against Libby Gorr. What I

have loved is a compulsory blue

backdrop. Those backdrops are

every wrr. They're useful for

checking out what your slogan

is in case you forget it, is in case you forget it, as

Peter Costello did. this is

part affour go for growth

strategy. Can Costello's got a

slogan backdrop for everything,

even when he announced he wouldn't challenge John Howard

for leadership. You can laugh

at Costello but compared to

Howard, he's got a better sense

of direction when it comes to

leaving a room. This way. No,

that way. He's good. that way. He's good. Could

that be a metaphor for Howard's

inability to make a timely

exit. If the polls are any

indication, Howard is facing a

massive wipe-out. He must be

kicking himself that last year

he didn't retire on top. If he

could go back in time, he'd

choose to retire. All he needs

is a time machine like that

crazy Doc guy from 'Back to the

Future'. Then he'd be fine.

Prime Minister, I brought the

DeLorean. I'll see you in the

future. We can go back in time.

We're gonna go bark a year ago

to a time when you could retire

on top. Get in the DeLorean. We

can go back. You can choose the

end. All we need a nuclear

power and we with go power and we with go back in time. You've got nuclear power,

Prime Minister. This is the

only opportunity. Or we can go

back in time, get rid of

WorkChoices and you can win

anyway. Only the Flux Capacitor

can save us, Prime Minister. It

can change the history books.

You love the history. Kids in

year 9 and 10 learning about

the Prime Minister who stood

down at the right time. We'll

go back to the future. We'll

get the legacy.

get the legacy. We'll fix it. LAUGHTER The Workplace Relations

Minister Joe hockey wants you

to join him to celebrate

Hocktober. Now drafting an even less fear mix of WorkChoices

laws with never more than two

unfair dismissals in a row.

Look out for our cool Sack

Thunders cruising the

workplaces giving Aussie

workers the old heave-ho.

Hocktober. You'll never know

who will sack next.

APPLAUSE

Attention, shoppers. We have

a very special offer in store today.

today. For the next five

seconds, absolutely everything

in store is free. That's right,

march out the door, absolutely

free the for the next - sorry,

that offer has concluded. Thank

you very much for your

attention.

Attention, passengers, the next

next train to arrive on

platform one will be

distressfully late. It will

arrive in 5 minutes, 10

minutes, not really sure. Not

sure why we bother printing

timetables really. Just making

a timetabling announcement.

Cheers. (All sing) #

# Start spreading the news

# I'm leaving today

# I wanna be a part of it

# New York, New York What's

going on? Is there a problem?

It's just the karaoke place

down the road's full. I just

love singing. Is that OK?

# These vagabond shoes #

Can't touch it? Alright, I was

just try to entertain

everyone. As you know, girls,

I'm not a very good sleeper. I

only get four or five hours a

night, if that. I have been

reading lots of studies that

say a 20-minute power nap in

the middle of of a day can make

a difference. Everyone in the

Government swears by them. You

see Peter Costello and the

Prime Minister squeezing a nap

in whenever they can. Yeah, but

the finding time for a nap is

another thing altogether. Often

you've got to have them on the

run, no matter where you happen

to be. Can I have a turkey and

cranberry deli roll? That's a

1-minute wait. That's perfect.

Excuse me. Sorry. Aren't you

about 30 seconds early? Huh?

They said I could have a

1-minute break. Get off my

front counter, please.

LAUGHTER

You gonna lay there? Sorry,

I like the warmth of the

bunger. Can you turn the engine

on? The vibrations help me

sleep. It really comforts me.

Excuse me, would you mind

telling me when this goes off

in a couple of minutes?

Thanks.

Sorry. I was just having a

little nap. Just trip over me.

Sweet.

Do you mind sitting back

down? This is quite

uncomfortable. Thanks. Thanks.

Doors closing. Please stand

clear.

Jesus Christ. Sounds good.

What What about it is The

church Jesus Christ had on

earth, the same church has the

Angel of God. It teaches

through the power of God. We

ask you to read this and find

its truthfulness. Sorry, keep

going, I'm listening. APPLAUSE

Andrew, there seems to be a

new trend in musical theatre

where very gritty, serious

movies are turn under to

feelgood musicals joo.s there's

a couple at the moment, 'Dead

Man Walking' based on a famous death row movie, 'Billy

Elliott' about the struggles of

a boy and his family affected

by lay-offs in a working class

mining town. Wonderful

subjects for a toe-tapping

musical. The trend is reversed

to serious film-makers starting

to turn feelgood musicals like

'Cats' into gritty social

dramas.

From acclaimed director Ken

Loach. They're closing the

factory. I've been laid

off. Comes a story of

hardship. I don't have enough

money to put my son, my own

fam's food on the table. Why

will a strike make a will a strike make a

difference? Gelicals do and

gelicals can. Old Deuteronomy

deserves to die! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Based on the muszical by

Andrew Lloyd Webber... Mr Mist

yflies, it's OK, he's got nine

lives. They shot him nine lives. They shot him nine times.

Coming soon to cinemas

everywhere.

APPLAUSE

The liquidation and kOrpings

laws provisions that might

cover the failure of that

company. Minister, you've

spoken about the unemployment creatures but in science and

nature, what sort of creature

is a Abbott's booby? I don't

want to speculate. It's

straight down the line science

and nature. No, I'll tell you

I don't want to speculate on

booby. Are you on day release?

No, my bail allows me to be

here. The correct answer is a

bird. It's a type of bird, I

believe it's part of the galah

family. That's good to know.

Yes, election watch this week

takes a look at the issue of

reconciliation. It's a timely

topic and we're pleased to

present for you this easy to

follow primer on the history of

Indigenous relations in this

country. Aborigines have been

in Australia for over 50,000

years which is almost as long

as this man's been Prime

Minister. For centuries rgesz

they lived off the land,

mastering the arts of fishing,

hunting and hosting lifestyle programs. They've developed

rich Dreamtime folklore in

which their land was create by

a big snake. Not quite that big

a snake. Their dreamtime

tradition of telling stories

and fables continues in court

cases today. Audience:

Ooh. With the advent of

Europeans, everything changed.

We forced Aborigines out of

traditional life and into

clothes that must have felt

strange and awkward, took

children from their parents

saying was for their benefit,

although there are some parents

who should lose their who should lose their kids. By

the late 20th century the winds

were changing. Aborigines

reaped the benefits of voting

rights and a special body

focused on Aboriginal grievances. Aboriginals became

so popular even white men were

claim to be one but Australia's

Indigenous people demanded

more. In fact they couldn't be

shut up. Enter John Howard.

Now, the Prime Minister has

always had a love-hate relationship with Aboriginal

people. He loves the ones who

can play rugby and hates the

rest. For his first 10 years in

aufs, the Prime Minister never

seemed to understand the annihilation Australia's

Aboriginal people have suffered

buts this year the Prime

Minister has begun to

understand annihilation so he's now pushing for now pushing for change.

Alarming reports of child sexual abuse forced the

Government this year to send

the army into areas where the

abuse was most prevalent. No,

not there. No, not there. There

we go. Thank you. And this week

the Prime Minister committed

himself to a real change like

pushing for Aborigines to be

mentioned in the constitution

preamble, elevating them to the

same national relevance as

British ships, the Privy

Council and New Zealand. That

is progress. There is still one word that John Howard

refuses to say and it's the one

word that Aborigines most want

to hear pass his lips more than

anything. That's Election

Watch.

Hi, I'm Kevin Rudd. A

significant majority of

Australians have now concluded

that the current Government is

stale. We the Opposition have

provided in principle

bipartisan support. Because of

this, they're look to me and my

Labor colleagues to bring fresh

ideas to the table. The course

of action outlined by Mr Howard

I'm prepared to support. Mr Mr

Howard has lost touch and run

out of constructive ideas. I

am with him 100% of the way. I

ask for your support to bring

in a fresh Government.

Sometimes in politics, great

minds think alike. Kevin Rudd,

new leadership. Spoken by K

Rudd after checking with J

Howard.

With an election in the air,

the fixers are needed more than

ever and the first problem on

our hands this week is Peter

Garrett. Talk about a man who

sold out on his principles.

This is the guy who used to

head the Conservation

Foundation and has now

supported the controversial

pulp mill in Tasmania. He's

done a U-turn on everything he

stood for during the Midnight

Oil days, even redesigned his

clothes. I blame politics.

He's no longer telling us what

he really thinks. Maybe there's

another way to get him to speak

his mind. We know you've done a

few flip-flops since quitting

music. We've got one of your

songs because we realise you'll

only speak your mind when

there's a band behind us. Tell

us qulut really think about the Aborigines. We've got 'Beds Are

Burning'. Comen o Peter, the

pulp mill, the mining. I'll

start you off.on to the next

problem and it's a rip-off

memorabilia. With summer around

the corner, it's just a matter

of time before Channel 9 will

be flogging cricket

memorabilia. Stuff like this

panoramic photo commemorating

Warnie's 500th woman. Football Warnie's 500th woman. Football

memorabil ia is expensive but

there's a cheaper way to get

your hands on your favourite

player's jersey. You just to

have to know where to get it.

The sports stars are on planes

all the time so they've got the

stuff in their bags. All you

have to do is beat them to the

baggage carousel and the

memorabil ia's yours for

free. That's us. That's

mine. My bag. No, my bag. Might

need another trolley, mate. I

got a few more bags to come. I

got about 11 more. This is my

bag as well. My bag.

Thanks goo, guys. You've done

well. This is ours. This is

our stuff. I'm Johnathan

Thurston I'm number 15. I can

vouch for number 15. We'll take

our bags and go. We'll be out

of your way. Can you get

Johnathan Thurston to sign his

undies - I mean my undies?

There's an extra 50 bucks on

eBay if if they're signed.

Sweet. Thanks very much. I

think we're getting away.

Next cab off the problem rank

is skin cancer. A lot of people

are hell bent on getting a good

tan so use things like

solariums even though they can

lead to cancer too. The recent

death of Clairolver highlighted

the dangers of solariums but

are solarium users really aware

of the risks? To help out, we

created a new one-stop

solarium. Got a new product for

you, a great new tanning

solution for you. There it is.

Beautiful tanning unit,

specifically designed to help

customers know the risks of the

process. Would you like to

install it in your facility?

No, we're right. You sure?

Yeah Get a hold of

in-Cancerian 3,000. Want to

try? They've got UV in them,

20% more than the sun and 20%

more melgnome aus. Not

interested. We've got a

special offer at the moment, 'Fry Before You Die'. Piss

off. No worries. Just try to

help the industry. Would you

like to have a go? It's got a lifetime guarantee, it's just a

short lifetime. Go on,

alright. You only live once.

You can smoke in there. It's

not-for-profit like cancer's a

were yf. Hot in there? Feeling

slightly claustrophobic. That's the least of your

worries. You've got a tan that's going to work perfectly

for this summer. Have a great

summer. It will probably be

your last. The final problem to

sort out this week is identity

theft. These days everyone's at

risk of having their personal

information stole scpn high

profile people have been

victims. Did you see '60

Minutes' this week? I'm Peter

Overton. I'm Liz Hayes. I'm

Tara Brown. And I'm Liam Bartlett. It's happening in

politics too. Federal Police

are investigating allegations

this man's identity has been

stolen by this man. It's a huge

problem but thankfully lots of

people are try to fix it and they all got together recently

and I kid you not at the 3rd Annual Combatting Identity Fraud Summit, sounds like a

great bash. If there's one

place in the world you thing

you coon get away with identity

fraud, it should be there. Just

to be sure, I decided to drop

in. Our next speaker is Damian

McMeekin, head of global

security for ANZ. Please

welcome Damien to the stage. APPLAUSE

Good morning, everyone. I'm

Damian McMeekin and I'm global

head of security for ANZ. Today

I'll talk to you about identity

fraud. I'm sure many you here

have seen the Steven Spielberg movie 'Catch Me If You Can'.

Things have changedles quite a

bit since the 1960s.

Thankfully, we are far less

gullible these days and a lone

fraudster is increasingly

replaced by far more

sophisticated crime syndicates.

Sorry, mate, would you mind

sitting down? I'm doing my

speech who is this man, by the

way? Damian McMeekin. No, can

we have security here? Can we

get rid of this guy? I'm

afraid you have to head out.

Why? This man is an impostor.

He does want know anything.

What's your wife's name. Which

one? This man is a fraud,

ladies and gentlemen. You

should not be listening to him

about identity fraud. It is a

difficult crime to perpetrate.

I have about 50 more minutes to

go, is that alright? The other

Damien is more handsome so he's

going to have a go. I'm not

happy about this. Trust is absolutely essential to the business of banking.

My great grandfather died

this week. I couldn't stand

him, actually nobody could. As

soon as he passed away,

everyone went around saying

what a top bloke he was so I'd

like to dedicate this song to you, gramps

# He was very hard of hearing

# Dull and domineer ing # Misogynous

# Cantankerous and vain

# The stories about his bunions

were a pain

# All that's forgotten

# Once he took his final breath

# Even pricks turn into top blokes # After death

# You don't believe me?

# Allow me to furnish you with

a few examples

# Steve Irwin lived in khaki

# A cartoon kamikaze who

taunted crocs frequently

# Brocky was a rev head

# Who pumped the air with pure

lead and drove into a tree

# All that was forgotten once

they took their final breath

# Ivan tools turn into top

blokes after deaths

# John Lennon chose the hippy life

# A nut bag for a wife

# His songs were never as good

as Paul's

# Jeff Buckley fooled all lovers

# One album mostly covers

# More wailing than Japan does off our shores

# Princess Di was just a slut

for sex

# When it they looked in the

car wreck

# Her dress was wet with Arab semen stains

# But all that was forgotten

once he took his final breath

# Even ass holes turn into top blokes after death

# It's not how they live that counts

# How we write the book

# It pays to throw away the

facts and have a rose coloured look

# When he dies, Martin Bryant

will look a Saint

# Don Bradman was a grumpy

greedy tight ass who couldn't

score a run last time he played

# Kerry Packer was a kidney

thief and procreating Jamie was

a worst mistake he made

# But all was that was

forgotten once he took his final breath

# Even (bleep) turn into top

blokes after death

# Belinda Emmett was...please. Please. APPLAUSE

# Yes, remember all will be

forgotten once we take our

final breath. Yes, even pervrpt

motherphicers even rampant

child abusers, even local

Baghdad rooters

# Even violent poofrter

bashing, even rotting corpse

molest ers, Ivan anal finger

liquors, even Anna bloody

Coren, yes, even she will be a

top bloke after death # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, Andrew.

That brings us to the end of

the war for another week. Check

out the pod cast at

abc.net.au/chaser. You can

download the radio head album

on a pay what we want basis.

It's $200 a copy. Catch you next week. Goodnight. Closed Captions by CSI

I've got Year Nines first period, God help me. Mmm. With the blonde hair. What are you doing today? Um, today, tonight I was in a movie... One of my big gripes is there's a lot of teasing that goes on at this school. Kids are very nasty, and Toby deals with a lot of that stuff. He has to deal with being called "you spaz", "you retard". "Spastic!" Um, what else do you get? "Nuff-nuff!" And I know how he feels. I had a difficult school time myself. I went to an all boys school, and I went by my real name in those days, which is Helen,

the Ancient Greek masculine version of the name. And you can imagine, at a boys school, with a name like Helen Gregson, it was not easy. And getting called things - "Oh, you big poof, Helen!

"You're a poofter!" And I used to wear my pants fairly high in those days

'cause I was a dancer... Pretty funny. Mmm. And dance... That's just how we wore them then, so... "Helen, stop pulling your pants up, you big poof." (Laughs) Nasty things like that. So, I know how it feels. Yes, we look after each other, don't we? Yeah. We do. Just...alright, and release.

Did you lock the car? Course I fucking locked it! Don't talk to me like that, you little fuck.

Don't walk next to me. It looks gay. So, is he back on the Ritalin? Yep. OK, well, that's...that can help. And, Jonah, have you had time to think things over during the suspension? Answer your teacher. He's not my teacher, he's student welfare. Any sort of changes that you could make? Be better at school, and be more behaved. What about at home, Mr Takalua? Is there anything you can change to help Jonah get through all this? Be stricter on him and make him do his work. Mm-hm. And smack him out if he doesn't. Well, not really changes like that. I was thinking more of do some reading together in the evenings.

Yeah, maybe. That's a homo thing to do. I'm not doing that, sir. Alright, what about the work you were supposed to do during your suspension?

Jonah, what subject was this for? I don't know.

Well, what teacher gave it to you? Mr Poulos. The science teacher? Yeah. We went to buy the glue for it, and he works hard on it. Yeah, I can see he worked hard on it, but I have to tell you this is not school work. Suspension isn't a holiday, Jonah! Do you really wanna go to a fourth school in two years? No, sir. No, I didn't think so.

Holly! Oh, my God, did you get my text? On the formal issue? Formal issue. Guys, formal issue! So, the DJ called me last night, and says there's no way he's doing it unless we give him full payment up front. It's, like, impossible! What?! Yeah, it's, like, five grand. As if anybody has that! Tell him we don't have it. Yeah, I did. He got really mad! It's a serious issue, guys. That's, like, the biggest part.

When I said I was gonna plan a formal, I didn't realise you would be too povvo to pay for it, no offence. We've gotta figure it out. There's no point saying no. We've sold, like, three tickets. I know. So, as of today, Jonah, we're gonna implement some changes. You are now on parole. That means one tiny thing, and there are big, big consequences.

And first of all, we're gonna ban you from breakdancing... Oh, bullshit! ..because breakdancing is the cause of a lot of your issues! That's bullshit, sir! Jonah, every time you get into a fight, it's about breakdancing. That's fucked up! It's a waste of time! The one time you get caught breakdancing, and you are out of here! Well, if he's fucked up again, I'm going to send him back to Tonga. How would you feel about that, Jonah? I'd feel bad.

I don't wanna go to Tonga. I'll miss my friends, I'll miss this school. Mmm. I went to Tonga once when I was ten, and it was shit. Alright, so don't break the rules. Do you understand that? Yes. Good. How about, um... Just an idea. We could, like, maybe buy our own tickets. We are not buying our own tickets. We're on the formal committee. We've done so much work. We've done way too much work. I'm not paying for anything. Oh, my God! I just thought of an idea! What? We could do, like, a fundraiser!

I've done heaps of them. I know what to do.

No, seriously, we'll do, like, a dress-up day, like, a theme dress-up day, right, and everyone has to bring, like, $2. And you bring two gold coins. Yeah! Oh, that actually works! Five bucks. Five bucks! And five bucks times the whole school is, like, $20,000.

Yeah, that'll be heaps! And we could do a fashion parade! Like, $10 at the door. Yes! I love fashion parades! We'll set up a catwalk in the classroom. And I can bring in all my designer clothes and you guys can wear them.

(All squeal)

That's, like, paid for our formal. Let's go tell Mr Cameron. I'll do an announcement at assembly. It'll be so cool! Thank you, Rosie. Pop those down there.

Greg, could I have a word with you in my office for one moment? Yes. I'm sorry to hear about your dog. It's obviously quite upsetting. Yes, it is.

The reason I want to talk to you is to tell you that Meredith has finalised all her family affairs in New Zealand, and she'll be here on Friday. As what? As head of drama. We don't need a head of drama. I'm the director of performing arts.

You have been outstanding. I...I can't thank you enough for filling in, and I'll be putting something in the newsletter, but Meredith... No, I'm the director of performing arts. Meredith will be back as the head of drama, and you will be returning to being a senior drama teacher. When am I getting my arena seating for the show? When are you...when are you opening up your budget and giving a little bit to drama, for once?

When am I getting...when am I getting my basketball hoop down? When am I getting some support from you? Instead you're wasting it on sport and cricket stumps and... ..stupid things that the school doesn't need.

Why don't you go and buy some more books for the library or crap like that? Because the funds are certainly not coming in my direction. Greg, don't be ridiculous. I am greatly supportive of you, and I've appreciated all that you've done...

You're not supportive of me. You don't support me.

If you supported me, you wouldn't have the Special Ed kids in the demountables on the site where you know I want to build the Gregson Performing Arts Centre.

That's not supportive! Greg, I have to consider other departments in the school, and from where I stand, drama is a small department. Well, you need to give me a chance to make it big. 'Cause once I finish the show and build the performing arts centre, the kids will be coming in droves, you know that. And I need your help. I don't need...Meredith. Greg, I understand what you're saying, but I've been in the public school system for over 30 years now,

and I know what the funding is like. Your performing arts centre is a fabulous idea, but it is not realistic. It's never going to happen. Let me do my show, and I will get you that money. I need you to help me, instead of putting up walls.

I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. I'm so sick of you! I'm so... I'm sick of this stupid school, and you're all pathetic. I've built that drama department up from the shit hole that it was, and you've never...you've never appreciated me for doing that. You never thanked me!

You've never said, "Greg, thank you for what you've done!"

You know, I could've taken a different road, I could've been...huge by now if I'd taken a different path in my life.

I could've been famous. I would've been massive. Instead, I've just chosen to waste my time in a pathetic school with loser teachers and idiots like you! And I'm so sick of it! You're pathetic! I'm better than all of you people out there. I'm better than all of you! I try to bring a little bit of hope,

a little bit of magic into the school, and I get... I try to have a dream, I dare to have a dream that's big, and you shove it in my face. I get slapped back in my face. "No, it's not possible. We can't do that!" Shoot me for wanting to dream! Shoot me for giving the kids something to aspire to. I'm bloody resigning! I'm so sick of it! Shove it up your arse, Margaret! I'm resigning, everyone! I'm out of here! That's it. I'm gone. There's my letter of resignation, and there's some flowers for my dead dog.

Why don't you stick those up your fat arse? Fuck off, everyone! I'm gone! JONAH: We got kicked out of our old area. LEON: Now we're in this shit area. It's got a fucked up ground. The ground's all fucked up. There's no audience when we dance. No-one ever comes down here. It's so boring, man! Go, man! I can't do it! No teachers can see from here. I'll get busted if I do it. Since the fight, we don't even talk to the Year Sevens anymore, man. We don't... It's like they're not even there, bro. JONAH: We don't even look at them. Especially Keiran. He's a fucker. He made up this all Aussie crew, and he's going around telling people that his crew's better than us. Shit as! Crap. He's racist. He only lets Aussies in it. And Aussies are shit breakdancers. Bloody Aussies.

The all Aussie breakdancing crew is made up of me, Liam, and a couple of other guys I'm teaching breakdance. The only rule we have is that you have to be Aussie to be in it, so no wogs or fobs, and our year level coordinator Miss Wheatley said we can breakdance at the end of term assembly, so we're practising. Hi, Miss! JOSEPH: Oh, man, when Jonah was away, the Year Sevens, they wrote all this racist shit on Jonah's locker. Yeah, like "Go home, fobs" and shit like that. Keiran wrote it. Saying go back to Samoa. Keiran fucking wrote it. He's denying it, but he wrote it. No, it wasn't us. It's stupid. We don't know who did it, but it wasn't us, but. They probably did it themselves to make it look like we did it. Yeah, they're stupid enough to do that. And I know if I take revenge on him and smash him, or some shit,

that I'll get busted for it. I'll get blamed for it, and then I'll get fucking expelled or some shit. And now for a quick message from Ja'mie King. JA'MIE: I'm just about to make my announcement about the fundraiser for the formal, I've done heaps of this stuff before, and the key thing is to make people feel really guilty. AIDS is a huge problem in Africa. People are dying of AIDS every second. It's really bad. So, on Thursday we'll be having a dress-up day to raise important funds for AIDS in Africa. Going with the AIDS thing means that people are more likely to give money, 'cause they're gonna feel really bad. Like, if I just said it was for the formal, like, they wouldn't care, do you know what I mean? The dress-up theme is AIDS. So, come dressed as an AIDS-related thing, like a doctor, a nurse, a patient, or an African. Also, there's gonna be a fashion parade in the multi-purpose room at lunch, and it's $10 to get in. Thank you, everyone. I don't really see it as lying. It's just delaying telling them the truth about it. Do you know what I mean? MR G: Well, I'm leaving at the end of today. I'm really going. I'm ready. Can you make sure we're going in some sort of order with this? I'm doing the whole farewell thing. Guys, I'm gonna be handing round my card. I've got the whole staff signing one of those...the big, oversized cards that I went and got at recess from the newsagent. The card's on its way round, so...