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The Gruen Transfer -

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(generated from captions) is the literal translation The Dead Leaves of the jazz standard What Leaves? of the original French title

Autumn Leaves. DING! And your final question. Autumn Leaves. is it that all you gotta do is call? According to Carole King, when down and troubled. LUKA: When you're BUZZ! When you're down? That's what I was looking for. winter, spring, summer or fall. It might be APPLAUSE Luka, Pete on seven points. the final scores are: Myf, At the end of the show, (LAUGHS) Ooh. Ouch. won the day - 19 points. Alan, Katarina, Adam CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done. Good work. Well done, guys. all our guests for tonight, Please thank Luka Bloom and Peter Helliar. Katarina Koslakova, Adam Rosenbachs, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE our two team captains And, of course, Alan Brough and Myf Warhurst. Well done, love. we talked about covers. Earlier in the show is going to take us out So tonight Luka Bloom with an iconic Aussie folk song by an iconic Aussie folk singer. Spicks and Specks. Thanks for watching

Goodnight, Australia. My name's Adam Hills. APPLAUSE # Na, na, na, na, na, na-na, na

# I can't get you out of my head # Your loving is all I think about get you out of my head # I just can't than I dare to dream about # It's more # There's a dark secret in me # Just... (MUMBLES) locked in your heart # Don't leave me # Set me free # Feel the need in me and ever and ever and ever # Stay forever LAUGHTER (DREARILY) # Oh... # The words are great, aren't they? You ready? # Na, na, na, na, na, na-na, na # Na, na, na, na, na, na-na, na in the Enmore in Sydney # 3rd April on 3rd April # I'm at the Enmore in Sydney LAUGHTER # Na, na, na, na, na, na-na... # # Na, na, na, na, na, na-na, na # Na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na-na, na # See you there # Na, na, na, na, na, na-na, na

get it out of your head # Cos you can't # More than I dare to dream about LAUGHTER

get you out of my head. # # I just can't CHEERING AND APPLAUSE WHISTLE Captions by CSI

This program is not subtitled THEME MUSIC

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

welcome to The Gruen Transfer, G'day, I'm Wil Anderson, and techniques of advertising. a show about the tactics includes as always Tonight our panel of experts from Leo Burnett, Todd Sampson Russel Howcroft. and from George Patterson Y&R, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE regular from DDB, Matt Eastwood. Returning to the lounge is a Gruen

by creative director And we're joined for the first time Welcome. and partner at CRC, Bec Carrasco. and for you at home too. OK, here's a test for the panel from another country, We're going to show most of an ad at the end. cutting off the product shot what the hell it might be for. You have to work out (ALL SPEAK FOREIGN LANGUAGE) CLUCKING I'll have what they're having. the ad's for? (ALL LAUGH) Matt, what do you reckon for the new series of um, Weeds. I think it was actually LAUGHTER I'm sure. Tough. Ah, what do you reckon, Todd? Ha. I have no idea. Er, it's probably... eat your fruit. ..education for kids at home  LAUGHTER Maybe! Bananas In Pyjamas. It's a very warped What do you reckon, Russel? I think this is for TV dinners. I'm confident, Wil. Yeah. TV dinners? Bec, what do you reckon, mate? All right, TV dinners. for super absorbent nappies. It could have been a really good ad this Thai ad is actually for. Well, let's have a look at what CLUCKING (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Yeah, yeah, but how are you now? APPLAUSE I know what it is." Mister, "I'm confident. It's definitely TV dinners. LAUGHTER the back to roll around in my cash. Without a doubt, ah. I'm going out LAUGHTER about that ad Actually what really gets me creative team said to all the others, is the thought that someone on the

enough, are not strange and frightening "Now look, all those freaky ghosts a transvestite in." I think we should put LAUGHTER hell are ya? the trannie, now where the bloody The Gruen Transfer, we shampooed Now, How Do You Sell? Tonight bottled water.

Association calls What the Australian Consumers products of all, one of the cleverest and goldmine given it's virtually free on tap. on average 250 times Russel, bottled water costs as much as tap water and it has no extra health benefits, than $500 million on it each year. yet Australians spend more a tear of pride This must surely bring (LAUGHS) to your advertiser's eye, Russel. the ultimate in advertising? Is this, you know, Well it was an amazing, if you like, in the, let's say '90s, mid-90s lots of stars aligned which was a really low-cost way where the PET bottle was created, it's a low cost of entry business to package product, obviously. a whole lot to manufacture water to get into, doesn't cost you

So, therefore it's attractive. manufacturers of soft drinks, And then of course the large networks to water. they can apply their distribution isn't it, Russel? This is turning you on a little, I can keep going as well. Yeah, I'm excited. it comes down to two things - And then, but ultimately those two things still apply today. it's convenience and it was cool and it's still growing at 9% now. It grows 9%, about that The interesting thing for me

is that 25% of all bottled water is refiltered tap water.

And my favourite example is the Hawaiian... There's this Hawaiian water which they desalinated, and it sells for about $40. And they sell it as concentrated water, but it - Wait, wait, wait! But the recommendation is - So what have they taken out of it? But the recommendation is to drink it, you need to dilute it with water.

Genius. LAUGHTER So water from your tap? Mm. There's also a fashion statement to it as well. There's a branding statement to it as well. People walk around with brands on themselves, they walk around,

they drive brands that they think reflect them, they carry water bottles around these days which they think reflect them. Speaking of brands, the zhooshy brands like Evian

had been banging on since the 1970s about purity and suggesting that if we drink enough of their stuff, we'd all look more like supermodels. But it wasn't until the late 1990s that the bottled water craze really caught on. Here's a typical ad from that time. GLAMOROUS MUSIC MAN: Mmm, yeah.

(MOANS WITH PLEASURE) Feels so good. Yeah. It did feel good in that moment, but unfortunately later on they got divorced and she took half his shell. So... LAUGHTER Why if they're doing an ad about water are they showing us snail porn? This execution, the feel good moment is snail porn, which is meant to stop you, engage you in the communication and hopefully you remember it at the point of the purchase. I spent four years at uni studying biology and at last it's come in handy cos those snails are actually Franklin Mountain Woodland snails. Never. I'm telling the truth. And you know, you know, they do that for 12 hours. LAUGHTER No joke. You have made that up. APPLAUSE Look it up. 12 hours? 12 hours of that. Bottled water costs a lot more than tap water but can people really tell the difference?

We put the Gruen audience through a blind taste test offering them cups of tap water, premium bottled water and the most popular bottled brand. MAN: Which one did you think was the tap water? C. A, I think. I think it was A. A. A. They're all pretty similar, I'd have said... A. And as far as the premium, the expensive bottled water choice? I thought that was B. Maybe C. C. I think the premium was C. I'd honestly say that I think they're all the same. Out of 17 people, only one picked the tap water. Only one picked the premium water. Matt, when you have to advertise a product that is essentially the same product as, you know, the same one as all of its competitors, where does the agency start? We're often presented with products that are exactly the same and you have to find something different in them and you have to create, that's what advertising does. It creates differences where there potentially are none. So water is the ultimate, there is no difference. So it's all advertising-created. You know, Wil, I'm annoyed with that segment. This idea that we're going to go out there and see if people can taste the difference in water, of course they can't taste the difference!

That's what we do.

It's the image and it's the perception, it's the packaging which creates the difference there, that's the key to the business. So putting people in front saying, "I bet you can't taste the difference between the water", of course they can't! Yeah, but I mean, some of those waters were like seven bucks and one was like, you know, out of your tap. No-one coercing the money out of people's pockets. There's no coercion going on. You can decide, "I'm going to give you seven for that cos I like the design." Some people are aesthetically-minded, Wil. They'll say, "Yes I will." But here's the thing, Russel, and look I'm not criticising, I'm just finding this fascinating.

If petrol came out of your tap for free, no-one would ever go to a servo and fill up the car. Hang on a second. It doesn't come out of your tap for free, you have to pay for it. The utilities that charge you for the water from your tap, they are perfectly entitled to run an advertising campaign that says, "Why don't you use our water instead?" They don't. They're lazy marketers. LAUGHTER They are lazy marketers. Well they are! You're brilliant! You would look at the sun and say, "I can't believe it's given away for free." LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE There's a pitch. Let's look at the ways the water brands try to differentiate. Fiji Water runs print ads which read like fairy stories. (READS) Our water begins as rain, purified by equatorial trade winds as it travels thousands of miles across the Pacific Ocean. Once it arrives in Fiji, it falls and filters through ancient volcanic rock over hundreds of years. Todd, isn't that just an incredibly wanky way of saying it comes out of the ground like everybody else's? Yes. Yes, it is. But, origin is a really good strategy. So it's more about the perception of what the origin is, rather than the actual origin and they're often very, very different. I mean, I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that Mt Franklin doesn't come from Mt Franklin or my favourite one is Everest Water is from Texas. These companies, water companies use glaciers and snow mountains and lots of beautiful blue and crystal images. That's their strategy to communicate their symbols. If you haven't got exotic location credentials, there are other ways to carve your share of the market. Russel, we mentioned this. Is this one of those categories

where the product's the same, so you're selling the package that it comes in? Yeah, design plays a huge role. I mean that Fiji we were talking about before, that beautiful square bottle, it's got a diff- It became iconic, yeah. Yeah, it became iconic. And the design, the story and the design

played a major role of course in its success.

The bottle shape is an interesting one though, isn't it,

cos Mt Franklin and there's another one called Pump which is also

in like, it's the action bottle and they're both owned by Coca-Cola, Mt Franklin and Pump, they're the No.1 and No.3 brands in the market. Would the water just be the same inside? Mm. Just different bottle? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

I'm starting to think quite probably. It's highly likely and I don't think... ..that that is a particular revelation to anyone at all. People understand what they're buying, they like the Pump because it's got the cap and they use that when they go to the gym.

They get all that stuff. I don't think people consciously are analysing, Russel. I think people are buying into the dream and they're kind of - I don't think everyone has the level of awareness about what they're doing that you are talking about.

I don't think I'm drinking water. I don't they're idiots. But I don't think most people - I think they understand they're drinking water, but I don't think they think about the source, where it actually comes from. I don't think they link it to Coca-Cola or to Pepsi and go, "Oh, OK, I understand that's where it's coming from." I don't know about that. It doesn't take a whole lot of investigation, it's all over the packaging. What's interesting about that is how small that actually is. Nah! You have to go look for it to find out that it comes from Coca-Cola. And there's good reasons for that. No, you don't have to look that hard in order to see that. I don't - Russel, the brand is that big, Coca-Cola's that big. Now the ratio is slightly out of proportion. However, the - LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Here's another shot at branding that has nothing to do with the contents of the bottle. WOMAN: Do something positive today. Help Mt Franklin raise $250,000 for the National Breast Cancer Foundation. You can help by visiting the wellofpositivity.com. Simply leave a positive message. For every message added to the well, Mt Franklin will make a one-dollar donation on your behalf. Together we can cause a sea of change.

Mount Franklin - drink positive, think positive. Mt Franklin waves the breast cancer flag loud and proud as you can see in this very subtle ad. LAUGHTER Encouraging teenage boys to screw off nipples. How important to its marketing is pinkness? In September/October, there's a big wash of pink and this is one of many pink products. So if this is the only strategy that you're taking, which has been the strategy that they've taken for the past three years, you can put yourself in a danger area because you now need to stand out from within that crowd as well. If you think of it just purely from the manufacturer's point of view, it's a very clever strategy. It's the equivalent of like an environmental offset. So what they're saying is we're visibly going to be seen to be doing something good. Still today, even in a recession, 80% of people would rather pay for a product that's associated with a charity, all things being equal, than one that is not. I've always assumed that a percentage of the purchase of each bottle goes to the charity,

but I was surprised to find out that's not the case. Mt Franklin makes a yearly pledge, effectively a license fee to use the pink. Now to be fair, it never says we donate when we buy, but, Matt, do you reckon that's what the company wanted us to think with this? I think it's very cleverly done. The implication is - I know I've walked into the supermarket and gone, "I'll get the pink ones, they're better than the blue ones." I feel like the more I buy, the more is being donated to breast cancer, and that's clearly not true. Wrapping your water in social conscience is one way to sell. Many brands also press the eco button as hard as they can. Fiji excitedly tells us that its water comes from a virgin ecosystem. Now, Matt, isn't that the same kind of virgin ecosystem that may be under threat from the greenhouse gasses created partly from making and distributing bottled water? Absolutely. I work with Clean Up Australia and it's quite frightening the statistics of how much of the bottles end up in landfills, like 60% of the plastic bottles end up in landfills. You say that like it's a bad thing but when the seas rise, we'll actually float on all those bottles. Little pontoon. Who will be laughing then? Ah-ha-ha. LAUGHTER Yay, landfill. Yeah, but PET... APPLAUSE PET is 100% recyclable.

But it's not recycled, that's the point. No, no, no. 40% of it is recycled, and 60% of it isn't. Now, is that the manufacturer's issue or the issue of the consumer who just chucks it? I think it's the manufacturer's issue not taking responsibility for the product they're selling. I mean, yes, it's about educating consumers but surely if they're putting a product out into the market, they have to be responsible. No, no. They can't go, "Well..." But you have to adopt that argument for virtually every packaged good.

This is probably exacerbated by the fact that it is water, and it's meant to be, it's meant to represent a natural resource. I think it's more poignant because we're talking about water. It's estimated that generally speaking, it takes three bottles of water to make a bottle of water. Now Russel, as we mentioned, when our tap water is as good as most places in the world, bottled water just seems like an unjustified luxury. Is it still a triumph of advertising to you? Well, I haven't got a surprising answer for you, Wil. They are creating a margin, they're creating profitable businesses, those profitable businesses therefore are employing people so there's a whole bigger picture here. Um, however if you're forcing me to say, "I think this is a triumph", it is a triumph. LAUGHTER I wasn't forcing you to do anything Russel. You are! I never force you to do anything, my friend,

and I recycle all my bottles. Well, I say recycling, I sell them to neighbourhood kids to make into bongs. LAUGHTER To keep it all in perspective, maybe it's best to remember the wise words of actor and noted booze hound WC Fields who once advised "I don't drink water, fish fuck in it". APPLAUSE Now The Pitch, where we twist the arms of two ad agencies until they agree to sell the unsellable. The winner receives this trophy, which kills 99% of household germs. It's often said that a great advertising person could sell ice to Eskimos. Tonight, we're giving them the chance. Please welcome from Idea Works, Stuart Vidler. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And from Happy Soldiers, John Kane. APPLAUSE All right, Stuart, ice to Eskimos, classic challenge  what was the key for you? Oh, look, we had a lot of ideas, a lot of thoughts, we even played with the idea of trying to make ice fashionable, you know, "Ice - it's so hot right now." But then we decided that style is probably not really high on your average Eskimo's priority list, so then we landed on the thought that Eskimos have life hard, like really hard, and we just thought if we could offer them something that just made their life that little bit easier. All right, let's have a look. EPIC MUSIC GLASS SHATTERS POP MUSIC APPLAUSE Great job. Fantastic. All right, John, how did you solve the problem? Well, we did some research groups with some Eskimos to see how they felt and um, one of the interesting things that came out of the research groups was that Eskimos don't actually speak English.

Right. They speak Inuit. Right. So since we're selling ice to the Eskimos, we thought it was important that we actually do something that they would understand. And therefore, yeah. Let's have a look. (BOTH SPEAK FOREIGN LANGUAGE) FOLKLORIC INUIT SONG

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Manak Tuwawi! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Russel, what did you think of the two ads, mate? The rational side of me does want to go with Stuart's, especially the offer at the end, it's a perfect Idea Works stuff. However, just the sheer craziness of John's campaign does have its appeal. All right, Bec, what did you think? The new product variant, ice now available in easy-to-use cubes, liked that, but I just couldn't help but watch the other one.

I still don't really know exactly what it was about, but you had me. I think John's the only one that got the brief right cos it was about selling ice, the illegal drug, yes? LAUGHTER So well done, yeah. (LAUGHS) Todd? I'm also with the whacky out there one. John, yeah, well done. Well I thought they were both absolutely brilliant, but there you go, congratulations. Thank you. APPLAUSE Our panel voted that way but you don't have to. Give us your view at our website: While you're there, check out what the panel thinks of the commercial that's been making me mad as hell this week in God I Hate That Ad  an exclusive web-only part of the show. Gruen, you know you're soaking in it. APPLAUSE Tonight's Ad Of The Week is a shock to the censors, buckle in. SMALL EXPLOSION It's OK, you can stop writing an angry email to Volkswagen, that's a fake, they had nothing to do with it. The internet's full of fake ads for famous brands, some nice, some nasty. Todd, who makes these fake ads and why? Firstly a lot of people out there online making fake ads, they have nothing to do with the industry and they create brilliant pieces of communication that get distributed on the internet.

There are others that are directors, production companies, and advertising people that create ads for their book. Cos you remember in our business, the only way to show your thinking is to make something and so they they want to make things proactively, this is one of the cases. What happens which is an issue, is that when they make a fake ad, it often gets traced back to the creator and the creator's often at an advertising agency, and they can get fired immediately.

So what do they do? They don't stop making the ads, they create a fake agency. LAUGHTER

So they link all the ads back to a fake agency. Todd... LAUGHTER You're either making that up or I've just learnt something. What's going on, is that true?

It's called the bed and breakfast. Really? I'll tell you what - It's way to prevent them from tracing back to the individual. It's absolutely perfect advertising language, isn't it? Every angle that they've used makes you feel that it is a real ad. And even of course ultimately the proposition makes sense for a Volkswagen car.

So I mean this isn't just a fake, this is a seriously good fake. Well, the VW suicide-bomber spot

was made by a couple of young ad workers in 2005. It was sent to the agency that looks after VW and leaked to the net by persons unknown.

Now, Bec, real or not, is it a good ad? If this was a real ad

and the marketing problem or the objectives were, you wanted to communicate this is a small but tough car in a memorable and engaging way, then, yeah, I think you've got a pretty good ad. Bec, don't we have at some point to censor ourselves as well? I understand that this is a great, it's an idea that's engaging, and people are going to talk about it, but at some point, I think we have to go, "This is totally inappropriate and misuse of -" But then at the same time, political satire is a form that's used in TV and in other mainstream media, in press, so - It just feels dirty when we do it to sell a product. But we haven't actually done this, and when we hand it over to people and we want people to interact with brands, it's a two-way conversation. The point is it's fake. I mean it's dirty if you and I did it for a campaign for VW of course, we'd be fired. Don't you think the problem with that ad and exactly what Russel said, is that it looks so real and that's an issue. Plus it also sends a bad message to viewers, it does, because you know that guy's not wearing a seatbelt. So.

And the other thing here too, it's funny because the area is a politically sensitive area, we tend to go, "Ooh", but at the same time, only the baddy dies in that ad. The ad actually, through the product demonstration, that car saves the day. But, but, but... I don't know how to - Only the - Well done, Bec. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE There's only one person dead in this ad.

I want your opinion on this, Matt, because your agency has the Volkswagen global account. True. No pressure. LAUGHTER Colour me red. Well, no, but is this the sort of thing that's ultimately threatening the brand? Like you know what does VW do about something like this? I think VW and what they did do is, they took these guys to court,

and in fact dropped it when the two guys who created this ad that they created it. eventually came forward and admitted this could be damaging for the brand But of course it looks so much like a real ad. because I mean Russel said, November on US job site Craigslist Our favourite fake ad appeared last offering $28.50 an hour to labourers in the town of Monroe, Washington willing to turn up on a street corner on a particular Tuesday morning. a yellow vest, safety goggles, The workers were told they needed and if possible a blue shirt. a respirator at the appointed hour About a dozen men turned up the guy who placed the ad but they didn't meet robbing an armoured truck because he was across the road wearing a yellow vest, and making his getaway and a blue shirt. safety goggles, a respirator for the forces of evil? Who knew advertising could be used APPLAUSE That's all for tonight. we'll convince boys Next week on The Gruen Transfer, is the coolest sport of all, that synchronised swimming and ask what happens sniff some petrol ads drops on a major brand. when an unexpected bomb to kill germs. MAN: Breaks through plaque Listerine. Russel, Bec, Matt and Todd. Please thank our panel of experts - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE fakes, well almost fakes. Before we go, another of my favourite by the brand's ad agency. This car commercial was actually made internet-only release. It was intended as an edgy for fairly obvious reasons The company rejected the commercial but low and behold someone leaked it with added publicity and it ended up all over the internet all responsibility. as the company denied If your cats are watching, with something shiny. you might want to distract them

See you next week. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE BIRDS TWEET ELECTRIC ROOF OPENS ELECTRIC ROOF CLOSES AUDIENCE: Oooh! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Closed captions by CSI This Program is Captioned

Live.

Good evening. A drop in

consumer spending may have

strengthened the case for a cut

in interest rates next week.

Retail sales fell 2% in

February, they're biggest drop

in 9 years. That could push

the Reserve Bank into another

rate cut to encourage spending.

In other economic news, there

were surprising new figures on

building approvalings. They

rose by almost 8% indicating

that interest rate cuts and

home owner grants may be luring

people into the market. There

have been horrifying incidents

in two States tonight. In

South Australia a man has been

charged with attempted murder

after allegedly stabbing two

women and running two men down

in a four-wheel drive. Police

say it appears attacks were

random. In Queensland, an

elderly woman has been killed

and six people injured after a

car crashed into a retirement

village at Toowoomba. village at Toowoomba. The driver was trying to park her

car when it hit a wall,

trapping several residents.

And 1700 people are still

stranded in floods on the NSW

Mid North Coast. The worst

affected areas around Coffs

Harbour have been declared

disaster zones. The weather

across the country:

More news on 'Lateline' at

10:30. This program is not subtitled 'What did you want to be when you were a kid?

When I was ten, I dreamt of being and doing so many things. But I never got around to them because, well, I grew up. So now almost 20 years later, I've chosen to go on a quest to be what I've always wanted to be, do what I've always wanted to do. My name's Lawrence Leung, welcome to my adventures.' I've always wanted to be a rock star.

Back in the '80s my favourite band was INXS. They had attitude, they had spunk, they had a saxophone. 'I was such a fan of saxophone dude, Kirk Pengilly, that I used to turn up to my school dressed like him. But really, I just looked like a small Chinese kid in a blue suit. My rock autobiography should start here, at St Clare's Primary in Box Hill North. As you can see, St Clare is the patron saint of asphalt. Back then, I played the recorder. I played it well but I wouldn't play by the rules.'

Lawrence, if you can't play properly, get out! Are you kicking me out of the band? I am the band! 'I was a musical maverick. I wrote songs for a new generation. My teacher, Mr Sist, told me to write them down,

and I did. And they still hold up pretty well today. Ghost Town. The Adventures Through Time. And my masterpiece...' # My dog's name is Spotty

# He's got a lot of spots. # 'My music was before its time. Its time is now! This week my quest is to be a rock star.'

# It's the adventures of my dog # His name is Spotty! # PLAYS BUM NOTE 'But if I wanna be a rock star, I've got to look like a rock star. This is Australian rock legend Tim Rogers from You Am I. He's the opposite of who I am - sweaty, manly, alcoholic. Perhaps he can teach me how to rock out. CROWD CHEERS Tim, I'm Lawrence. Can you teach me to be a rock star? To be a rock star? Can I speak to you after? All right, it's a deal. OK. Oh, thank you. It's a deal. Harry. Er, Lawrence. I'm Lawrence. Larry. OK, so what do I need to do to become a rock star? Oh, cheers, OK. (COUGHS) Essentially you need to treat it like either a small animal or something that you want to make love with. So, how do I do... Yeah, er... I just really want to learn. These secrets, I give away to so few. Do it like you mean it. Channel it into the microphone. Kind of, oooh! Oh, is this a love/hate relationship with the mic? Love/hate relationship with yourself, because you know you want to swallow that thing. It's like your first step in homosexual love, or any kind of love. Oh! And then push it away. Fuck you, you bitch! Then bring it back in like you're my best friend. You're gonna be looking out to the crowd. Looking at the crowd. Very strange relationship with your microphone. OK. You don't, "Yeah," you... Ooh. I've got a recorder - is there anything I can do? Like windmills or you know... Er, let me think. You swing it around your neck. Can come back around there and land in your mouth. OK, that is an amplifier. But you wanna smash two things you love. Who doesn't? It's so Russian. So, you grab my beautiful little baby here. I reckon keep your legs together, thrust it over your head, and just crunch it on the amp like that. Yep, yep. You know? But before you do it, I think what's important is to give the audience that kind of, "We're in an ambivalent relationship." Like, "Thank you for coming. I don't need you. I want you..." That kind of thing. Yeah. I love you, I don't need you. That kind of thing. (GASPS) What the fuck, Harry?! You fucking bitch! 'Great! I've been glassed in a pub! How rock is that?

I can move like a rock star, now I have to dress like a rock star. I went shopping with my entourage.'