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Clarke, Dawe and Costello's bike club -

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Clarke, Dawe and Costello's bike club

Reporter: John Clarke and Bryan Dawe

(John Clarke plays Peter Costello and Bryan Dawe plays a youth leader)

YOUTH LEADER: Sit down, Peter. I have to say Peter, I am very very shocked about this news in your
letter you've written. You want to pull out of the bike club?

PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, I'm sick of the bike club.

YOUTH LEADER: But I thought you were dead keen.


YOUTH LEADER: I thought that's why you came here.

PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, it was.

YOUTH LEADER: You told me you were the hope of the side. "Bikes are us" you said.

PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, that's right.

YOUTH LEADER: So why pull out?

PETER COSTELLO: I haven't got a bloody bike.

YOUTH LEADER: What happened to the bike?

PETER COSTELLO: It got nicked.

YOUTH LEADER: Do you know who's got it, Peter?


YOUTH LEADER: Peter? Peter?


YOUTH LEADER: Come on, Peter.

PETER COSTELLO: I don't know.

YOUTH LEADER: Peter, your parents must have told you if you tell the truth you won't get into

PETER COSTELLO: I don't know where it is, I don't know who's got it.

YOUTH LEADER: Have you asked any of the other boys?


YOUTH LEADER: And what did they say?

PETER COSTELLO: They told me to shut my stupid face, and go back to class.

YOUTH LEADER: OK, so you seriously want to pull out of the club.


YOUTH LEADER: But you say in the letter here you want to remain vice-captain of the club?

PETER COSTELLO: I am the vice-captain of the club. I want to stay vice-captain.

YOUTH LEADER: Well, why do you want to be vice-captain of the club you want to pull out of, Peter?

PETER COSTELLO: Well 'cause I maybe want to go on the bike another time.

YOUTH LEADER: But the bike's gone, hasn't it?

PETER COSTELLO: Well, yeah, but you've still got to have office bearers in the club.

YOUTH LEADER: You can't have a bike club without a bike, Peter.

PETER COSTELLO: There's still stuff to do, admin and stuff.

YOUTH LEADER: What admin?

PETER COSTELLO: Bike maintenance.

YOUTH LEADER: Well, listen, whoever's nicked the bike is going to maintain it, obviously.

PETER COSTELLO: We've got to keep records.

YOUTH LEADER: Records of what?

PETER COSTELLO: Records of statistics. We've got to do - like, count the wheels.

YOUTH LEADER: Well, there'd be two wheels, wouldn't there?

PETER COSTELLO: Should be, yeah.

YOUTH LEADER: Well, it's a two-wheeler bike?

PETER COSTELLO: Always used to be two, but you've got to be careful.

YOUTH LEADER: Peter, won't you get bored doing this?

PETER COSTELLO: Nothing else to do. What else can I do?

YOUTH LEADER: Develop some other interests.

PETER COSTELLO: I hate interests. I'm not having any interests, I hate them.

YOUTH LEADER: Well, what about learning something about, say, politics for example?


YOUTH LEADER: Do you know anything about what's happening in Lebanon?

PETER COSTELLO: Lebanon - Downer was talking about Lebanon at lunch. Snotty Downer - he was talking
about Lebanon.

YOUTH LEADER: What was Snotty Downer saying about Lebanon?

PETER COSTELLO: Nothing. Didn't say anything about it.

YOUTH LEADER: Well, how could he be talking about Lebanon if he didn't say anything?

PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, he reckons it's hard, but he reckons he's being doing it for a fortnight.

YOUTH LEADER: It must require a lot of skill.

PETER COSTELLO: Yeah, he reckons he's got to be really careful.

YOUTH LEADER: Why is that?

PETER COSTELLO: In case he says something.