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The Gruen Transfer -

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? I have to celebrate you, baby ? I have to praise you like I should ? I have to praise you

? I have to praise you like I should

? I have to praise you like I should. ?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Closed Captions by CSI CHEERING AND APPLAUSE this is the Gruen Transfer G'day, I'm Wil Anderson, which makes you a consumer sandwich. where ads are our bread and butter, Before we meet tonight's panel, into the global advertising pool. a quick dip connects people via their webcams, Chat Roulette, the site that randomly maybe a bit, you know, six months ago The Last Exorcism, but the people behind the new movie, potential in it. still found some marketing Sure is funny as hell. She's about to show. Hope it's not going to be crap. (LAUGHS) You can do it. (ALL SCREAM) Ooh! AAH! See, Catholic Church? to stop masturbating. That's how you get teenage boys called a BrewDog A Scottish microbrewery with a hell of a marketing gimmick. has launched a new beer inside a taxidermied rodent. Each bottle comes packaged the ?500 price tag Which might explain up feeling a little rat-faced. and why, after drinking it, you wake in the production of the beer. No animals were harmed All specimens were road kill, you're too late, but if you want to try it, on the first day all 12 bottles sold out to an alcoholic cat. launched an ad last month In America, car company Dodge Michael C. Hall. featuring a voiceover by Dexter actor Right now, at the Dodge Tent Event, Journey or Grand Caravan, when you buy a new Charger, to decide if you want to keep it. Dodge will give you 60 days They'll even cover your payments.

more amazing. This event could not be Oh, wait, there's a monkey. I stand corrected. in the Dodge ad, Technically, that was a chimpanzee but we'll forgive the error. not a monkey, Chimps are always funny. doubly funny. Chimps in Evel Knievel suits - Let's find out. Are they the funniest animal of all? from Leo Burnett- Todd Sampson Time to welcome back our panel, Russel Howcroft. and from George Patterson W&R - Creative Director Matt Eastwood They're joined by DDB and National Carolyn Miller. and Merivale marketing director Welcome. of advertising wisdom, Russel, you're a repository which is the funniest animal? technically speaking, The monkey, absolutely. in the ad world One of the really great things is that we have these little games. to have made one ad Every advertising person wants and one ad with a monkey in it. with a dwarf in it they're happy. So these guys, the writers, lives. I've done a monkey ad. In their folio for the rest of their a dwarf ad. Just wonder if they've done in a monkey suit. Perhaps! I think that was actually a dwarf We used a monkey in one of the ads and he had a weird fetish. he started scratching his nuts. Every time we started rolling, the director would say, And it was literally every time, he'd start going for it! "OK, we're rolling," He had fleas. We actually had to change monkeys. in ads. Same as when they used Shane Warne I think the closest I've come Carolyn? is actually slugs, to something animalesque in ads doesn't really have the cache and having a slug wrangler in your ad does! that having a monkey who trains slugs for ads? Is there like a specialist person yeah, you have to go and get them Well, not so much trained, but, and they're treated as an animal, and an animal person at the end of the shoot, you can't squash them and everything! Yeah. they've actually got rights Exactly the same. (LAUGHS) They do! They get paid. I love how we live in a country than people who come here on boats. where slugs have more rights by animal rights groups, Dodge claimed it was lobbied living conditions including PETA, about the horrible are forced to endure. some animal actors said, "We were saddened to learn this In a message on its website, Dodge so we wanted to take action." and replaced it with this one. So it pulled the ad more amazing. This event could not be there's an invisible monkey. Oh, wait, Unbelievable. is OK, then. So cruelty to magical chimps fast-targeted relief from pain. The Gruen Transfer, do it almost every day. 1.7 billion men about 20,000 times in his lifetime, Each bloke will do it hard at it. spending more than four months TITTERING It's called shaving. of every blades sold in this country. Market leader Gillette owns two out has been based on two things - Its advertising formula No.1 - sportsmen. it's used the trinity of Tiger Woods, For the last half decade, Terry Henry and Roger Federer. have both been recently disgraced Woods and Henry to Federer, but the brand still clings of weeks ago showed. as this viral video launched a couple and put it on your head Just take the bottle because it's way too sensitive. (ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD) that guy just pissed himself! Also an ad for adult nappies because of views online. That clip has had millions it was a fake. There's been a lot of speculation "You know how it is with magicians, Federer was quoted as saying, how their tricks work." they don't tell Carolyn, do you think it's real? No, I don't think it's real, incredibly cleverly but I think they've done it which is why it's interesting. It is so close, it could be real, One of the reasons it went viral was because it was real. but now, these days, So they're almost playing on that whether it's real or not. it doesn't really matter It'd love to find out it was real but they killed three assistants. They started with a chimp, actually. The irony of this ad as earned media is that this is what's referred to because lots of people sort of had to see this ad but the original ad that was made with them was voted as the worst ad ever made that year because they had no chemistry between them. But take-off of that was the most viewed thing that they had done. It's also the precision thing, isn't it? I mean, there's an underlying brand strategy to it and it goes back to, say, remember Tiger Woods in Nike where he's just bouncing the ball on the top of his sand wedge, there's this sort of fascination with these brilliant sportsmen. People will expect... They'll believe that. They want to believe that. True or not. I read an article in the paper, that Todd Woodbridge actually came out against it saying it was fake and he could never do it. Other tennis players are now getting involved in going what's going on? That's referred to as earned media. Lots of people talking about it, lots of people debating about whether it's real or not. Perfect. I would actually watch a YouTube clip of Roger Federer just pinging balls at Todd Woodbridge. Yes! I'm with you! (BOTH LAUGH) What's Todd Woodbridge got to do with it? Shut up, Todd Woodbridge! Who cares, mate? It's Roger Federer! Exactly! Who cares if it's not real anyway? How would they do it anyway if it wasn't real? Oh, boo hoo. Todd Woodbridge. Seriously! That annoys me that he came out. "And there's no Santa." Gillette also uses Michael Clarke in its local ads. Matt, what's the link between sport and shaving apart from blood and pain? I think, as men, in terms of who want to endorse our brands, it's pretty much actors and sportspeople - and I think we could probably leave out actors - so it's sportspeople because they're one of the few people that men kind of look up to as idols. They've managed to use performance as part of the language, the reality is that these people do perform at a very high level and that's the values that they want to then attribute to their brand. And this brand, of course, is just a monster, you know. They get 600 million of the 1. whatever billion shaves every day. A lot of sports advertising is used to target the youth and this company wants youth to buy into their shaving system, whatever system that is. Cos most people stay with their system for the rest of their lives so they want to get people young and sport is one way of getting it. One of the reasons why they're that successful is they're relentless. They just never, ever stop. I mean, remember G2? Remember doing G2? Where you had a fight before you could shave in the school yard and everyone would yell out, "G2! G2!" That's from a Gillette ad! Remember that? Nope! I missed that. I didn't have it. Was this before television, Russel? No. It was a Gillette television commercial where there was boxers and everyone's yelling out, "G2!" So that's how we... Used to have a lot of fights. I also think... YOU were in a lot of fights at school. Well, he got beaten up a lot. Uh, that's not true. Gillette's other strategy for maintaining market share is dazzling innovation. ..Fusion's five-blade suspension system, a flexible comfort guard, an oscillating motor that delivers soothing micro-pulses- Five blades surrounded by a ribbon of moisture. Precision tremor technology. This atoms-thin coating which is one one-hundredth of a micron thick, dramatically enhances the blade's performance for less tugging and more comfort. Independently-sprung blades that adjust to your face. A soft-touch, secure handle, that intuitively rolls through the fingers, allowing for an easy 180-degree transition between the shaving surface on the front and precision tremor on the back. Personally, they had me at "less tugging, more comfort". In 2006, the Economist magazine plotted the growth curve and predicted that, by 2100, razors will have 14 blades. Russel, why are razor blades the poster child for invention madness? You know, for 115 years, Gillette have been trying to find a better way to shave. Actually, we would call it the DNA of the business. So it is what they do all day every day, they're innovating in order to get a better sale. The biggest innovation that Gillette did was making the blades so thin and disposable. So you throw them away and get another one. This razor blade strategy, which is talked about in marketing, it's talked about within our business a lot, is very popular, which is they don't make any money from the handles, they make the money from the blades. They have planned obsolescence into the blades. You get that blue strip that says throw it way now or they control supplies. The last edition is no longer available. The interesting statistic there, Mach3 blades are the most shoplifted retail item in the world. That's because they're pocket-sized. People are like, ooh, better shave before court. (LAUGHS) Yes! Saturday, by the way, is World Beard Day. 90% of the razor market is blokes, the other 10% women. Last year, we showed this overseas ad for Wilkinson Sword. ? Some bushes are really big ? Some gardens are mighty small ? Whatever shape your topiary It's easy to trim them all ? Whenever I see a weed ? I mow that rascal down ? So all that's left for me to see ? Are tulips on the mound ? So mow the lawn, mow the lawn ? Uh-oh, uh-oh. ? Never saw that on Burke's Backyard. That took risky metaphor to new places. Here's the somewhat tamer local version for Chic. ? Oh, oh... ? 'Now it's easier to shave, trim and transform with just the flip of a handle whatever your style. Introducing the Chic Quattro for women Trim Style. Four blades and a waterproof bikini trimmer.' Um, Carolyn... why are women's razors so much bigger and pastel than men's? Uh, OK, this is actually a good thing. You are doing something physically very different than a man who's actually looking at themselves quite intently in the mirror and being able to use it well. When you're in the shower, when you're shaving your legs, for me, it's six-foot-two away to actually shave the bottom of my legs so you need to have something that's a bit more sturdy and it's actually quite difficult now to cut your legs shaving with these bigger razors - they've actually done a very good thing. Was told by a girl at work that bigger ones are easier to handle. They are, that's what I mean. Were you running like a straw pole at work? Uh, was she talking about razors? I don't know, Wil. Were you at David Jones at the time? I like how this campaign, both of them are using humour to kind of normalise something you normally wouldn't talk about publicly - definitely wouldn't talk about it on television. There's one line in the campaign that I thought was just really funny and insightful, they said, they referred to it as a chastity pelt, which is women that choose to not shave their legs on a date to control their behaviour. You know what drives me - I don't want to get too over the top -

but it does drive me mad that the Australian female consumer doesn't get to see the American version. I mean, it's just such a fantastic piece of advertising, you know. It's great fun, it's great fun! Are we a little more sensitive here, Russel? Yeah, it's weird. It's so weird how prudish we can be. I don't understand why we are... It does have that racial slur saying that Asian bushes are small and black bushes are big. Think they kind of looked at that and thought... Yeah, but someone else was OK with it. Another market's fine. I really... They're much more comfortable with bushes, though, in America. They elected him twice. Shaving for women was an advertising invention in May 1915, Harper's BAZAAR featured a model in a sleeveless evening gown. Spotting the opportunity, marketing execs, including one at Wilkinson Sword, designed ad campaigns to convince women underarm hair was unhygienic and unfeminine. Sales of razor blades had doubled within two years. If legs and underarms were the big market shift of the 20th century, other body parts might hold the key in the 21st. 'Taking care of the hair down there certainly has its benefits. You might say, when there's no underbrush, the tree looks taller. Before you start, think about the unique topographical features under your hood. With the right tools, like a Gillette Fusion Power and some common sense, you'll avoid putting your equipment at risk. First things first, trim, lather up with some shave gel and ensure you're using a fresh blade. There you have it. Trimming the bush to make the tree look taller. That's one of a series of online videos from Gillette. You can also learn how to shave your back and chest. Todd, you'd be a man-scaper, wouldn't you? Who's this ad... Yes? Who's this ad aimed at? (LAUGHS) Uh... The research is now showing that men are feeling self-conscious more than ever before. It's a bit ironic or, I don't know, good maybe that the same strategy used on women for the last 70 years is now being used on men. So we create the problem and make them feel self-conscious and have issues with their self-esteem when it comes to hair, then we solve that problem with a razor. And I think the male personal hygiene care market is up-pacing the female's. So it has become a huge market and men are now great targets. One in three apparently shaves beyond the face. You know, I think... I think to be a young, single man these days, it would not be that easy, you know. I think that the self-image there, I think we're going to find increasing self-image issues. We can get imagery on the internet so easily that can make young men feel very, very paranoid so Gillette is just jumping on this - thank God it's animated, though, I have to say, rather than real. I think it would be very, very difficult and they are attempting to meet a need here which, I suspect, is getting even greater. Yeah, well, boo hoo, we've been doing this forever, so. Exactly. I know what you're saying but there's a lot of dangly bits I don't want a blade near. Can imagine someone saying, "Good news, it looks bigger, uh, bad news is you're now circumcised. You know what, though? With popular program, you can see how things are going on the up-swing. I remember Sex & The City, Samantha was dating a guy who shaved his bush, and he's like, "Oh, it looks so much bigger!" So there is this idea, that was seeded way back when, and only now we're starting to see popular culture of talking about making your penis bigger. Oh, she said the word. I know - sorry. It is interesting. I don't know whether this is true. Oh, that's about penises? Now it all makes sense! I wondered why he was using a razor to do his gardening! Is this true that a lot of young men haven't seen a female pubic hair? I don't know, is that true? Sorry, was I tuned into a different show? It could be, Russel. There would be guys who are in their early 20s who would never have seen a full bush. That's what I mean. Could you stop saying bush? So a 20-year-old man? There are some 20-year-old men that have actually never seen a female pubic hair - apart from their mothers. OH! Now it's getting worse! When they were young! Russel, I don't want to know. Not because they're not having sex but because, right! I see. It's been removed. This is the fashion, is what I'm trying to say. Gruen, the diamond standard. Now The Pitch where we dare two agencies to sell the unsellable. The winning outfit gets this handsome Gruen trophy now ribbed for your pleasure. Tonight, the parent licence. A campaign to convince Australians the automatic right to breed should be revoked with would-be mums and dads having to pass a competency test before they're allowed to spawn. Can they do it? There's only one way to find out, please welcome from Fnuky in Adelaide - David Campbell. CHEERING And from Play in Sydney Johannes Weissenbaeck. CHEERING David, yours is a non-traditional agency, you create experiences rather than commercials, so how did you approach this? We realised quickly that if you stepped out of Ad-Land and into the real world, you realise some people aren't cut out to be parents. Let's have a look. Sweetheart, you can't do that. Lou, I don't mean to diss you but parenthood ain't gonna miss you. BEEP I found that deeply disturbing. Have a Red Bull, pick yourself up, get out of here. CHEERING Johannes, what was your solution? We thought if the government seriously wanted to introduce a parent licence, then obviously, it has to be serious and, therefore, we took an approach that was real and serious and, as a result, hopefully emotional enough to convince people to prepare for parenthood. Let's have a look. 'I didn't choose my parents.' 'They chose me.' 'I hope they are nice people and take good care of me.' 'I'm happy and smile a lot.' 'And we have a nice home.' 'Teach me the important things.' 'And love me.' 'Love me.' 'Love me.' 'I really hope they are ready for me.' 'It's your choice but it's my life.' Good job! Well done. Well done, both of you. Two really different approaches there, Russel, both great, but which one did you prefer? I loved the way... I assume Fnuky, David, that you actually did do that. Yes. That is amazing. That you actually went through all that. However, the My Life campaign from Johannes, I'm just a sucker for a beautiful baby and that was sensational. Matt, what did you think? I loved the thought that you made people think about preparing for parenthood but I wasn't getting that strongly enough out of the execution. So I'm going to go for David's cos that had more impact on me and made me think about it in a new way. Carolyn? Yeah, with the So You Think You Can Parent, I actually think that it would be quite hard to convince Australia that a licence was actually the right thing because it was such a situation where we're used to seeing the worst of people, going through that process. So I think, even if you were considering becoming a parent, it would make you think twice about it. That's an excellent execution, so I'm going for PLAY. Finally, Todd. When I saw the first one, I thought that's the winner. It's a really good idea, an interactive one, great casting and all that stuff, and then I saw the second one, and it was just amazing, because it could actually get people to stop and think and it was real, so well done. Johannes, it was close, but congratulations, well done! There we go. Well done, David. Very impressive. Good job. That's how the panel called it, but you can give us your vote at our website and see extended interviews with David and Johannes taking you inside the creative process of their ads. Next week in Grand Final month, two agencies convince us to renounce all types of football... AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo! ..except soccer. Gruen, the taste of Italy. Detergents have always sold themselves on miracle cleaning ingredients, magical extras inside the box. Last month in Brazil, OMO put something else in. GPS devices hidden in 50 unmarked one-kilo packs sent out randomly for a competition. JOLLY MUSIC PLAYS So instead of finding the prize, the prize finds you. The chips allowed SWAT teams of OMO trackers in 35 different cities to follow shoppers home. The ad agency involved promised, quote, "They may get to your house as soon as you do." The teams had portable equipment which let them go floor by floor in apartment buildings and find the correct unit. Matt, is that advertising or stalking? (LAUGHS) I think it goes way, way too far. It's one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time but the fact that you might be forced to call the police because somebody's following you home and rightly so, I think that is absolutely ridiculous. I'm kind of frustrated at our industry a bit, that we kind of can't self-regulate that a little bit more and to do something as stupid as that and put it out there, is a big mistake. The prize for this was pretty crap. It was actually a day organised by Unilever at a park somewhere with some events. If it had been $50,000, you'd probably go, "Mmm, OK, follow me home." That's the funny thing. I think if the stakes were a little bit higher, it wouldn't have been an issue. But the notion of tracking, everyone looks at that and goes, I can't believe your information will be able to find you. Most people don't realise, right now, they're carrying around a GPS tracking device in their pocket, on their mobile phone. I looked at mine today and realised it was on. In most cases, people don't know that they have enabled or factory setting has enabled a location device on their phone. So in the future, we will be able to track individuals. We can right now. 80% of Australians wouldn't even know, in settings, location services is on. That's highly likely how they rationalised doing this promotion. All right, Russel, tell me this. Let's imagine a box of detergent is bought by a man for his mistress, or by a woman to wash the aprons in her crystal meth lab, right? Wasn't there a chance OMO could get in pretty big trouble here? I just suspect not in Brazil. Who's buying OMO for their mistress? Bill Clinton, he's the only person I could think of who would consider that to be an appropriate gift. Yes, you could get in trouble. They had this huge issue now around Facebook status updates. So people saying they're on vacation just updating their Facebook page, and as a result, robbers, thieves know you're away. They've got a site - Please Rob Me - which is basically real-time information saying these people are on holidays. The feeds from Facebook going into that website? So, yeah, it is an issue. It can go wrong. Tracking systems, location devices can be an issue for all of us. I think, for me, the big thing is it's opt in versus opt out. If you want to tell someone where you are and that you can find me here, then that's your decision. But the thing about this OMO idea, is you had no idea. You didn't opt in, you didn't give your permission, you just bought the product as a sort of unwilling consumer and they chased you home. The whole thing was, the entire strategy in this, was nothing to do with the consumer and the prize that they got, it was about PR and the fact they'd actually done something with GPS. That was their entire strategy. That's why the prize was so crap. They want OMO to be cool. But this is a new area, isn't it? What's location-based marketing? Location-based marketing is basically getting a specific message targeted at a specific location to the location you're at. It's generally done through mobile devices. So how it basically works is that you check into a location then when you walk by a restaurant, for example, it will then push information to you saying if you come into this restaurant now, one person can eat for free. So it's identifying where you are at and then marketing to you specifically at that time and marketers love it because they're able to get directly to you in a moment when you are close to buying something. Debate is are you conscious of what's going on? Because most people don't actually realise that in marketing nowadays, data is the new gold. People want to collect data cos they can go direct to you and that means efficiency and less money on advertising, that means more focused... You reckon anyone knows how to use the data? They're getting better, much, much more sophisticated. Piles and piles of it. Do you think there's more collecting the data at the moment and not analysing it? Yeah, yeah. There's so much data being collected and then so many clients, oh, we don't know what to do with it. It's a huge enterprise to actually make it work for you. There's a lot of forgetting just to do the mass marketing. Mass marketing is really good, it's cheap, and you can get millions of people seeing your message. You can spend lots of time mucking around with your data, not getting anywhere! But there's some very, very sophisticated companies that do data analytics, it's becoming more and more popular here. Remember, data is traded in the open market like stocks. So all our information, every time you click, every single time you click on a site - there's an ID number assigned to you called a cookie and that identifies you. Then what's happened, new, that everyone's freaking out about, is that there's a new cookie which is referred to as a third-party cookie by advertisers. So they're also attaching it to you and when they attach multiple things, they're getting more sophisticated with Flash cookies, the more data they get, eventually they get to profile you, and they're getting so sophisticated now they can profile you exactly who you are to your home address. I didn't really understand what you said, but I'd really like a cookie. LAUGHTER I have absolutely no problem with that. I don't want... I'd prefer to have marketing that's relevant to me so I actually have no problem with my data being expended out there to marketers. When I get bizarre mail that has nothing to do with my life, what the hell did I do to get on this mailing list? It does assume you have a defined set of interests. So you might be able to, with mass marketing, you can break through and give you a whole new interest. If everything becomes micromarketing... Going to be sold the things you're already interested in? And I've got no interest in that, Wil. How much privacy does advertising owe us, Russel? Well, I think that increasingly, the start point now, has got to be that there is no such thing as private and, I think, as we approach our day, we have to make that assumption. What we've therefore got to do with brands is make the assumption that they think that there's no such thing as private for their consumer. I think that's now going to be the start point. Whether that's good or bad, I'm not entirely sure, but I think the world's completely flipped where we used to assume everything was private and we let people in. We now have to assume the opposite. It's an issue. It'll be an ever-growing societal issue. The last stat I saw, 20% of teenagers have uploaded some kind of nude or semi-nude photo of themselves. That information is all stored forever and every bit of information that goes online is stored. They were trying to do an amnesty, a moment in time where they would erase everything, all the caches, everything, to get rid of all the information of the people that wanted to. Cos in the future, the only way to escape your past is going to be to change your name. People will actually have to go back and use different names because when you're a grown person applying for a job, the crap that you did as a 17-year-old kid is going to be live on the internet and your employer is going to go... I had to tell people I was Adam Hills to get this job. The Gruen Transfer helps stop the spread of germs. That's all for tonight but if you can't get by without your Gruen, check us out on Twitter and Facebook and at the website. A big hand for our panellists - Todd, Carolyn, Matt and Russel! CHEERING Before we go, another contender for the worst ad of all time. SUSPENSEFUL CHOIR Here's the question - will it be bad enough to win the Gruen Polished Turd? ALL: All hail the turd! Give us your vote at the website. Tonight's entrant is a 1968 German cola ad. Some people claim Coke used to have cocaine in it. If that's true, then this cola had all the other drugs. We're only showing part of the ad here. If you think you can survive the full atrocity, it's on the website. We'll see you next week! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE (SPEAKS GERMAN) Closed Captions by CSI Written by my old therapist. Oh, the much-lauded Shoshana Schoenbaum, huh? Till you find the right doctor. Yeah, I'll give it a look. OK, who are you? I'm Shoshana Schoenbaum - Tara's new therapist This is too much. Max, listen. Tara may have her problems, but it takes two to tango. You need to look at you. This is my big fish - Lynda P Frazier. I thought that you were her. Well, I'll always be her. Princess Valhalla Hawkwind. Damn, girl, you're a superstar. We've got some big news. We're pregnant! By the way, I found out the baby is not Nick's. It's Neil's. Do you remember someone named Mimi? I have this memory of you and me and this woman named Mimi. Nope. It's OK, kids. Go back inside. What is happening? We have a warrant for your husband's arrest For aggravated assault and battery. I knew you'd be back. But listen. I can't be your therapist. I don't want a therapist. I just want someone who will listen. Mmm-hmm. THEME MUSIC ? Open up the sky ? This mess is getting high ? It's windy and our family needs a ride ? I know we'll be just fine ? When we learn to love the ride ? I know we'll be fine