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The Gruen Transfer -

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(generated from captions) the final scores are At the end of the show ended up on 15 points, Myf, Bart, Hamish won the day, 19 points. Alan, Kate, Mike

APPLAUSE our guests for tonight - Please thank all Bart Willoughby and Hamish Blake. Kate Miller-Heidke, Mike Keat, APPLAUSE Alan Brough and Myf Warhurst. And of course our two team captains,

APPLAUSE something a little different. We'll leave you tonight with Miguel Montavani Mike Keat will become and Kengo San and join forces with Archerio from the Cuban Brothers. to give us a live performance Spicks And Specks, Thanks for watching good night, Australia. my name's Adam Hills, APPLAUSE

to Senor James Brown. This one dedicated Let's go! # I got a million, hey It's on me, it's on # New stories in my head rolling in my bed # Well it's got me about my newborn jive # And I'm thinking That's what I gotta keep # Singing deep # Yeah yeah # Now What's all the fuss about? # You started getting trampled on I touch them in the mouth # Is it Big Miguel? Think what I did # Then I stop, think for a minute I played percussion on the double-L # Heard what I said Bright like that # Into the shadows MCs fight like that # Fight like that When I get thirsty, yeah # Where are they at? Jiggy, nobody going sour # Triggers are here new stories in my head # I got a million It's got me rolling in my bed # It's on me, it's on my newborn jive # And I'm thinking about And that's why I gotta keep # Singing deep

# Hey yeah, baby now I'm up in 'em # Hey! I'm cleverly winning I'm sinning I'm sinning # I'm in and I'm back swelled up in and # And I kick when I get # Kid, you're useless your whole team toothless # Tap out, Mac, # Welcome to the Cuban lynx and my shirts and my kicks # Evil rips on my boots

when I pour for the flip # You all addicted # My dad - Archerio, the Swan! # The swan! The swan! # That's right, fans, the Swan!

# Hey, sing it # Well, I got a million # Hey, new stories in my head # It's on me, it's on # It's got me rolling in my bed my newborn jive # I'm thinking about # That's why I gotta be... # APPLAUSE

This program is not subtitled THEME MUSIC APPLAUSE G'day, I'm Will Anderson. a show that squeezes the tube Welcome to The Gruen Transfer, what comes out the end. of advertising to see insiders includes Gruen evergreens, Tonight our panel of industry from Leo-Burnett, Todd Sampson, Russel Howcroft. and from George Patterson Y&R, APPLAUSE freelance copywriter Jane Caro And a welcome back, Carolyn Miller. and DDB Remedy planner, APPLAUSE be the worst ad of all time. Later tonight we'll show you what may Here's a tantalising glimpse. And I'm Fred. Hi, I'm Sharon. BOTH: We do movies. Truly, it's crap-tastic. But What Does It Mean?, But first, yes, we don't quite understand where we show an ad to decode it for us. and ask our brilliant ad minds # Sometimes a girl can't help # Feeling a little blue My favourite thing to do # When everything's a mess

# Is mow the lawn! # Mowing! # Mow the lawn! # Do it! Cut it! Get it! # Some bushes are really big

# Some gardens are mighty small It's easy to trim them all # Whatever shape your topiary # Whenever I feel weak # I mow that grass all down are clippings on the mound # So all that's left for me to see Mow the lawn # Mow the lawn

Never feel untidy # To make sure my garden will

# And mow the lawn!... # # Just zap your growth away

# And mow the lawn... # Feeling rough around the edges? Feels great to trim the hedges. # And mow the lawn... # I can work it out, Will? Can I watch it again to see if getting at there, Russel? What does that ad... What are they Isn't that just great? absolutely fantastic. I think that was

beautiful girls to look at, Will, All that wonderful innuendo and the lovely pay-off. and then, of course, Like what's going on there, Carol? I thought it was brilliant. pun advertising thing, I love the whole in the industry who go, and there are a lot of puritans but I think it's hilarious. "Oh, yeah, but it's just a pun," It's great. And why shouldn't it be good fun? And it's, you know... Yeah, I think it's great. which I really like ..got a sort of highness of spirit what they're actually selling... and don't necessarily associate with LAUGHTER a lawnmower to deal with it... Although if you do need when you say that, Will. Yeah. Don't look at me (LAUGHS) Welcome mat. time to do some back burning. I was going to say, yeah, might be though, Todd, isn't there - There is a weird bit in this ad, bit of racial stereotyping in the ad? did you notice there's still a little has the bigger bush That the black girl has the tiny little... and the Asian girl the whole spectrum of bushes. They're trying to cover That's it. Wilkinson obviously thought What gets me is that with the lawn metaphor that it was being too subtle so it added the pussy one. is hairy at the start Did you notice the cat and shaved at the end? Nothing shaves closer than a Gruen. feature the owner as the brand. Tonight we're looking at ads that It's how do you sell...yourself. We'll kick off with a landmark. Hello, I'm Victor Kiam. until my wife bought me I used to be a dedicated wet shaver, this Remington M3 electric shaver. flexible microscreens They said its two incredibly thin and 120 cutting edges would shave as close as a blade or they'd give her her money back. I was delighted and impressed. So impressed I bought the company. The Remington M3 shaves as close as a blade, or now I'll give you your money back.

He'd be fun to go out with, wouldn't he? "I like this meal - I'll buy the restaurant." That legendary 1979 ad turned the company around. When Victor Kiam bought Remington it was going out of business. Less than a decade later it had 43% of the US shaver market. Russel, why did the personalised approach work?

Well, all successful brands have got a great brand story, and ultimately, if you can have someone like this tell the story, and tell it rapidly, within 20 seconds, you've got it, then I think that's the reason for its success. It's just a great brand story. People appreciate it.

I don't think this one's so much about him personalising it. He bought the company. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty amazing. It is an amazing story. He bought...I can't remember the exact... He bought it for $24 million or something, and put in his own money to do it. And it's interesting in the ad, cos he didn't offer anything special. It was the same offer that the company had offered last time. The difference is he did it and he said, "I own it." The thing that we do in our business, Will, is we interrogate the product until its undeniable truth reveals itself. Haven't you just got la-di-dah this week? Absolutely. While shoving the boss in the ad is an advertising staple - Bob Jane, Dick Smith, Joyce Mayne, Big Kev - all kinds of people have come brands. Jane, does the CEO say to you, "I want to be in the ad," or do you shove them in? Sometimes the CEO's in the ad because they can't afford to pay anyone else. Sometimes the CEO's dying

to get on, sometimes they don't want to. In my experience, whenever you've wanted the CEO

to be in the ad they've desperately not wanted to do it,

whenever you've desperately not wanted them to be in the ad, it's absolutely their idea of their short path to stardom. When you get it right it's great.

The notion of putting a face on what's normally a faceless corporation to most people is a good idea. When you get it wrong, it's a complete and utter disaster. Here's another CEO that can't stay away from the camera. BOTH: What's he doing? Family photos free. Free? Yes, free. A free photo? Wow! Yes. It's a gift from Harvey Norman. Yes, that's right, money can't buy charisma. (LAUGHS) Gerry Harvey's a billionaire, Harvey Norman's hugely successful, but it runs incredibly cheap ads.

Russel, do some of these guys want to be in the ads because they're cheapskates and can't afford anyone else? Well, price is a really important part of this style of advertising. This style of advertising is about frequency, it's frequency of message, and literally being able to run a new ad every day if you have to. I don't think it's a cost issue at all. I think that this - and this is where it works - it's not for every different sort of company business. It's because cheap and cheerful works great for consumer electronics. But a core driver for companies like Harvey Norman is to have minimal production costs so you can have maximum media costs. And to do it quickly, so if you're making ads fast they're very unlikely to be of high quality. And it's even better if you can make ads fast with the bloke who owns the company who's got a studio down the corridor and he can turn them over within a day. He has an in-house studio, has an in-house agency. He doesn't even use an agency, they do it all inside the company. So would you guys just hate him, then? No, I don't. He is quite a character and that brand is hugely successful. And those ads are not terrible, they're just annoying. But they're very effective. All right. Well, of course, many businesses genuinely can't afford that kind of budget.

Tell 'em the price, son! We also have blinds. And security doors! The price, Rod, the price!

Up to 33% off. 33%? Oh! 13... 13... BOTH: ..78 - just ring us and we'll be right there. ALL: Tell 'em the price, son - good one, son! Todd, does this Sydney ad's cheapness actually add to its credibility? Yes. Unfortunately. I think they, again, stuck all the money out of production into the actual floating of the ad, because nothing that's shown on television is cheap. So yeah, I think they're trying... they're implying that, "We don't put any money in the ads or in actors,

we give the money back to you." I don't even want to talk about it. Oh, Russel! You don't want to talk about it?

What about the Little Doer? Look at that fella! Yeah, all right. You hate the Little Doer. What did the Little Doer do to you? Todd said that TV is expensive.

It's...actually not expensive. In terms of...the terminology used is cost per thousand, so how much does it cost for 1,000 people to see your ad. And it's cheaper than writing them a letter. It's one of the reasons why commercial TV has been so successful - cos you can mass market to millions of people on a cost-per-thousand basis that's really small. I feel like I've just been advertised to. It's true. Turn over and watch commercial TV right now!

I love this ad, because number one, it's been around for 20 years,

and I think I've actually grown up with that kid

from the time he was a boy rolling out of the carpet to actually being now the face of the company. And this - if you're selling good-value, family-owned company - absolutely works. My grandmother, three years ago, used these guys -

it was the son who came round and measured up. And how excited was she to have the guy off the telly in her lounge room. You had the Little Doer at your house! Little Doer at my grandmother's place.

She rang everyone she knew. She was so excited. They're living that, that's great. Now here's a couple of Victorian thespians. Hello, hello, it's Chris and Marie's, we've got the sexist slim-line tanks deals in Melbourne! And there's hundreds in stock. See me in my pink tutu in Campbellfield on Saturday and Carrum Downs on Sunday. And the Academy Award goes to... Madison Avenue legend David Ogilvy made his career by getting a model to wear an eye patch in a magazine ad for shirts. The eye patch guy became an American icon. Russel, is that what Chris wants the tutu to do for him? Well, the reason why the eye patch became an icon is that it gave the man in the Hathaway shirt, it gave him a back-story. The eye patch said this guy has lived a life. So I don't know whether the tutu's giving Chris a back-story or not. I think it gives him some sort of story. It does. We talk about this ad, and it is...funny, but the ability to make everyone laugh, like we're... like it's actually doing, in some ways shows the effectiveness of that ad. Now, whether you're laughing at them, with them, at least you're getting a reaction, and for some people, that will lodge that company in their mind, on some level, and when they're looking they'll be thinking, "Oh, what about these people?" There's another side to that. what you were saying before about these are cheap so there can be a lot of frequency - seeing that ad once, it makes you laugh. After you've been watching television for about an hour and a half... You start cutting yourself. ..and you've seen it about six times, you will never go near that company again as long as you live. These guys make a lot of ads, they're a very famous Victorian company, they're high rotation, same people, same theme, same catchphrases. And if you have a signature or a catchphrase, a tutu or a "Hello, hello,"

then you can make the same ads forever. Here's a Victorian boss with the same idea. 'Ken Bruce has gone mad, Ken Bruce has gone mad, KEN BRUCE HAS GONE COMPLETELY MAD! Now his twin sister presents... IN BEDDING WITH MADONNA! Double mattresses and bases from 199. There's fridges from 199. Washers, 199. MADONNA, BABY - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' The crazy boss has been a TV regular - Todd, why? It's just completely insane, completely out there, and I wouldn't mind going into that shop just to check it out. Not that I'd necessarily buy something, but I'd be interested in checking it out. Nice touch on the hairy guys getting whipped and... Great touch. It's got some quality stuff. What about the Basic Instinct shot, with the chick on the bed?

I want to be the director shooting that. "OK, mate, whip him with that, that's perfect. Throw him on the bed, on the bed."

Cos when you think about it, the message of all crazy ads is it's OK to take advantage of someone mentally ill. You know what I mean? Carolyn, wouldn't I be a bad person if I went in there and went, "Oh good, I'll get all the bargains cos he's mental?" If that guy had... He'll probably just be there smearing poo on the wall.

I'm going to take the bed for free. Look, I'm sure there is probably some group out there

for mental illness who've gone, "Look, that's offensive," whatever. If he had a shred of credibility I think it'd be a bigger furore. If you had Bill gates going, "I've gone mad," in a straitjacket, that would cause serious problems. But it's about price. All it's about is price, and it's about legitimising the idea that this bloke's got really cheap goods. You don't go anywhere past... I don't remember anything he said past the guy being whipped on the way in. The Gruen Transfer - when only the best will do. Time for The Pitch, where two leading agencies prove to us that advertising can sell the unsellable. The winner receives this Gruen trophy, now with side leakage channels. This week we've asked our guests to take an unloved animal

and transform it into Australia's favourite family pet. Yes, welcome to Pimp My Cane Toad.

Can our agencies make the ruggedly handsome amphibian a must-have? Please welcome, in a very special New Zealand challenge, from Saatchi and Saatchi Wellington, Sam Brown. APPLAUSE

And from Y&R Auckland, Vaughn Davis. APPLAUSE All right, Sam, how did you lick the problem? Well, we thought, "What's not to love about cane toads?" They're completely replaceable as a pet, not to mention their breeding. But at the end of the day, we actually went back

to one element in advertising that always sells. Let's have a look. 'If you've got a pet that likes to climb trees chances are you'll end up climbing trees, too.' Come on, puss, puss, puss. 'If your pet loves to run, that will encourage you to run, too. A single cane toad lays up to 30,000 eggs a year,

so clearly they love to fuck. Get a cane toad for a pet. Go on - you know you want it. APPLAUSE Clearly you can say different things in ads in New Zealand than you can here.

Vaughn, where did you find the love? Well, the challenge for us was to work out who the hell would actually want a cane toad for a pet, and once we'd established that, this ad is just a story about those people. The second challenge was how to do that in a way which was...respectful, I think, is the right word, to the Australian cultural nuances expressed in the footage. I'm scared, let's have a look.

'Hello, Australia. Hello, true blue Aussies. G'day, the proud few who say 'no' to goldfish, 'no' to bunnies - well, mostly - and 'shit no' to any dog small enough to be used for feminine hygiene. Australia, you want a proper pet, one who doesn't know or care...' Who's a pretty boy, then? 'You want the pet that's more Aussie than nicking kids from Aborigines, tougher than the barb on a Port Douglas sting ray...'

Crikey! '..and cuter than a barbecued koala. You don't just want a pet that eats babies, you want one that poisons the little bastards.

You want the one pet that's as hard as you are - the cane toad. Come on, Aussie, puppies are for pussies. Get a toad!' APPLAUSE Puppies are for pussies. I always love a t-shirt, I've got to be honest with you. Now, panel, I'm going to go the opposite direction this week for a change. Todd, which of the two did you like the best? I really liked "Puppies are for pussies," as a line, but I'm going to go for the first one. I never thought in my entire career to use sex to sell cane toads. What did you think there, Carolyn? I can't help it, but I really like Vaughn's. I love the political incorrectness of it. Jane? Yeah, I'm with Todd. Inspired to have sex by a cane toad - hey, anything can work.

Right, now Russel, you have a slight conflict here. I've got a major problem, don't I? Because Vaughn and I are sisters, aren't we, Vaughn? Sister companies. And I really love the production values of Vaughn's. I thought it was amazingly well made, and I love the idea of sex sells, and ultimately it's the production values, for me, that is going to say Vaughn. Well, it seems like it's a draw. You are both going to get a trophy.

It's our third draw - we just give these away now. We've got little Asian kids making them in a factory, so it's fine, it's all good. Good on you, Mum, Gruen's the one. Before we start, a couple of exciting claims. I have a pancreas shaped like Elvis Presley, and I can burst into flames at will, putting myself out just by thinking of that woman from the AAMI ad. OK, maybe I can't, and maybe I should be more careful about the claims I make in the future. Which brings us to this. That hit the screens last October. No preservatives or flavourings. You know, I've never really thought of Coke as a natural product. Todd, would anyone? I think what they're trying to do is to say it's not as bad for you as you think. And if there was a dial, they're trying to move - and I think they've gone too far - they're trying to move the health dial up slightly. And if they could do that, that's a good thing for them, but I think they went way too far, I think they got overwhelmed with their ambition, and no, people wouldn't believe it's a natural product. Coke is sort of beyond nature, isn't it? I mean, it's bigger than nature. It's it and it's the real thing and it's sort of the embodiment

of all the great things about the modern capitalist world. It's got nothing to do with nature at all. It doesn't. It seems a weird fit, doesn't it? No-one ever thought Coke was bottled from a Coke stream in the mountains. That's it. This is social commentary what's going on here. It's the need Coke feels to run an ad like this because of the environment that Coke is operating in. Ultimately the power of Coke has been for 100 years, 100 plus years, has been absolute blind confidence. I mean, it is the most confident brand ever. This is certainly a mistake. Its insecurities are showing. The TV ad was followed by a print campaign featuring actress Kerry Armstrong as the ordinary mother setting the record straight about Coke. "It doesn't rot your teeth. It isn't highly caffeinated. It doesn't make you fat." Look, we all know sugar contributes to obesity

and we've all seen the acid in Coke strip coins clean. Carolyn, why would Coke think we'd fall for some like that? I don't think it's falling for it as such and I would question whether or not anyone would be motivated to go buy Coke from seeing this. All it's trying to do is remove that barrier that's inside mums heads saying, "If I buy Coke for the kids I'm a bad mother." I don't think it's about us. That ad is about them.

I think this is a classic example of marketing to mirrors. I think they feel paranoid, they see the trends coming, they're worried about the future, so they do a campaign that makes them feel good like they've addressed some of the issues and it actually just completely blew up for them. Well, let's look at this. Public health and parent groups called on Coke to withdraw the ad. In November the Advertising Standards Board, set-up and run by the Australian Association Of National Advertisers, dismissed their complaints. But a few weeks ago the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, a government body which carries the full weight of the law, went the other way. Now, Russel, you have the account of Schweppes which are a competitor of Coke. How embarrassing is it to be found guilty of misleading advertising? Well, it's obviously not good. But it actually depends on how you deal with it.

I think that ultimately an enormous business like this, it's about how they react to what's occurred to them. The swiftness of the response, the clarity of the response. I mean, what is interesting, of course, is that what's happened here is that the ACCC and Coca-Cola

they have done an out of court deal. I mean, it hasn't gone to court and they haven't been found to have been false or misleading. But I think they didn't go to court because, let's face it, they think that they were wrong and they didn't want to spend all the money.

ACCC Chairman Graham Samuel couldn't have been clearer. He branded the ads totally unacceptable. Creating an impression likely to mislead that Coca-Cola cannot contribute to weight gain, obesity and tooth decay. Coke was forced to run ads in newspapers setting its own record straight. Here's the closest it came to an apology - they admitted the ad may have been misleading

and they should have been clearer. Now, Todd, that's more "Sorry you're feeling hurt," than "Sorry we punched you." It's a bit weasely, isn't it? I think they know they were wrong. I think they know they crossed the line.

I think they got caught. I think they were very clever in quickly resolving it. But also,

the ACCC's press release uses similar words.

You know, "It may mislead," "It could occur." So, what's occurred there is that the language of the ACCC is softened and the language within the advertisement is softened because that's what they both agreed to do. It's not just damaging to the people internally in Coke,

it's actually damaging to us as an industry because what it does is it's another sort of weak way of trying to get out of this whole issue about increasing obesity in children, increasing concern about health. It does us all damage. Even more damage for me is that, but the more damaging part

is that we didn't pick it up in self-regulation. That is the issue.

That's what I want to talk about.

Cos in the end the most interesting thing is not Coke's terrible ad, it's the Advertising Standards Board's response. In its original ruling the board said

it was OK to assert that Coke didn't rot teeth because the ad also included recommendations

to brush after drinking. Now, Russel, is a fib fine as long as it comes with a health warning? The Advertising Standards Board

is made up of cross-section of Australian society. So they will make a decision on whether they think the commercial, whether the press ad is being misleading or has broken a code. We've got to be careful that we don't paint the picture that advertising people have made the decision that that ad was OK. It wasn't advertising people, it was a cross-section of the public. Yeah, but it is a board that self-regulates the advertising industry. So eventually the advertising industry are the ones that have to be responsible. And remember it is the exception not the rule. So we're not having this happen every second week. But the thing to take... But it is important to say that any person can get an ad taken off air that they think is inappropriate and one complaint means the Advertising Standards Board has to look at that ad. But here's my question - how does an ad like this, that's so obvious to everyone, an ad that says it's not bad for your teeth

because if you brush afterwards it's going to be fine. That's like saying a bucket of KFC is fine for you as long as you run a marathon every time you eat one. I mean, how did that get through your self-regulating board? Not clear thinking, one would think. That's a mistake, right?

It reflects badly on everyone within the industry. Yeah, but it's also the power of Coca-Cola. You imagine the people that are doing this, they're not legal professionals, they're looking at this. And what it appears to me,

looking at the releases and things that have come out is they spent more time trying to build the case of why it's OK rather than pulling back and going, "There's some serious issues with this." I think there's two stories - I think Coke have said sorry and also I think, whatever they're called, ASB, should be saying, "Sorry. It's not working. We're going to change it. We'll fix it and make it better." It shouldn't have got through. The board OK'd an ad clearly and solely aimed

at getting mothers to give kids more Coke. Even though in its written submission to the hearing Coke stated - Now, they surely can't have it both ways.

Jane, hasn't the board failed the public here? I think, yes, they have. Because I think, if you've put Kerry Armstrong in the ad and there's a line in there where she says, "My kids call me the myth buster." She is implying that she gives her children Coke and that is in an ad for Coke. Well, what am I taking out of that? That mums, good mums, give their kids Coke. It's a fantastic diversion for Coke. We spend all of the time talking about the board and how they missed the ad, and none of the time talking about how Coke missed the point. It's also important though that the ACCC exists. The ACCC is there to police, if you like, the Trade Practices Act and there's a section there all about false, deceptive and misleading communication. So, yes, there is a self-regulation system

and it's up to the industry to ensure that it's as rigorous as possible. If something falls through, then there is the law there and the ACCC will nail you. I mean, the fines are serious. What I really want to know is if Coke's now a health food, what does that make everything else? Gruen - the taste of a new generation. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING That's all for tonight.

Next week on The Gruen Transfer - we'll float around the world on the beer boat, fight for fat pride and pinpoint the steamy sex appeal of meat. VOICEOVER: The scent of seduction. The burning flame of desire. Lamb. Please thank our panel of experts - Russel, Jane, Carolyn and Todd. We promised earlier to bring you the worst ad ever and here it is. A web video for a Canadian production company

called Fred and Sharon's Movies. Launched in 2007, this ad's apparent naivety has lead many to suggest the whole thing is performance art hoax but no-one's yet proven it. Maybe we're just soft and sentimental, but we like to believe it's real. By the way, if you know of a worse ad tell us at our website. See you. Hi, I'm Sharon. And I'm Fred. BOTH: We do movies. Do you need a website? We can help with that. What about commercials or fundraisers? Special events can be captured so you can send memories to the folks back home. What about animation? Fred, our anniversary is coming up. Let's make a movie so we can send it to your mother and family. Great idea. We could put it on a DVD or even send it over the internet. Closed Captions By CSI This Program is Captioned

Live.

Good evening. The Federal

Opposition has dismissed

suggestions that the

Government's stimulus payments

are responsible for a jump in

retail sales. Consumer

spending rose more than 2% in

March. The Opposition Leader

Malcolm Turnbull says the rise

can't be attributed to the cash

hand-outs, because most people

saved the money. He says the

next unemployment figures will

be the real test. The NSW

Government has apologised to an

amputee who caught a superbug

at Liverpool Hospital. Gregor

Gniewosz went to hospital with

an ulcer, but lost his whole

foot when it became infected.

Kiwi hooker Issac Luke has been

ruled out of Friday night's

Test against Australia after

being found guilty of striking.

The NRL judiciary banned him

for one game for this shot on

the Gold Coast's Antony

Lefrankie. Billy Slater has

been cleared of an ankle injury

and will play. An Englishman

has beaten more than 34,000

other people to win

Queensland's best job in the

world promotion. Ben Southall

will be forced to snorkel every

day in the Great Barrier Reef

and write blog. He'll be paid

$150,000 for six months

so-called work.there'll be more news on 'Lateline'. Good evening. And welcome to television. On your marks, get set... (GENTLE MUSIC) SONG: # Born free # And beauty surrounds you I like the boy. (APPLAUSE) Only Freeview gives you high definition viewing with more channels. Oh, I love this show! I'm the producer! Now anymore, you're not. Doesn't sound good. I pulled the plug. I know it. We're out of here. We don't know that. Not for sure. Oh look. It's on. You won't get me out of here now. Hi, Nick. It's Carl. Yeah. Are they still looking for new writers on Emmerdale? Judas. I went to the Cotswolds once. Hang on. Well? There was nothing I could do. Security are on their way up. Security? He stapled his tie to the desk. What about the show?