Senator BOB COLLINS —It is time to go home. I normally do not speak in valedictories, as the Hansard records will show. I am getting up tonight to tell a story, and the reason that I am getting up tonight to tell a story is that, after a very long and distinguished parliamentary career, Gerry Jones is leaving the Senate. Can I say to you, Senator Wheelwright, that that experience you had with Gerry Jones in the new Parliament House is the same as the experience I had with Gerry Jones as the whip in the Old Parliament House, as a new senator from the Northern Territory. I can warmly endorse the assistance that Gerry Jones has given in that capacity to all new senators in this place, and it has been appreciated by us all.

I got up because Gerry was actually going to tell this story himself. I think that he forgot, or he was overcome by emotion. I actually thought your speech was terrific, Gerry, and I could not think of a nicer way of celebrating a fortieth wedding anniversary than the speech you delivered here tonight. I hope your wife was listening to it.

But, out of courtesy, I should acknowledge very quickly all of those other senators that are leaving. Mr President, first of all, yourself. I know that I have on occasions been the bane of your life. I am really sorry. But I always thought you were big enough to handle it, so I never let it worry me. But can I join all senators tonight, and Senator Schacht particularly, in acknowledging, not just the distinguished way in which you have carried out your office, but the contribution that you have made over the years to the Australian Labor Party.

Chris Schacht was right. You hear these stories about Robert Ray, Faulkner and yourself and, in the Northern Territory sense, me—the number crunchers. And it is nonsense. The number crunchers, by and large, are the people in political parties who are the ones who are prepared to do the work, and that really is what it gets down to.

Mr President, you have made an extremely significant contribution on the national level to the Labor Party. You have distinguished the role of President, and I am sorry to see you leaving. I have got no doubt that your association with the Australian Labor Party will continue. I wish you all the best.

Noel Crichton-Browne spoke in here, and I will simply mention Noel now in the same context. It has been said publicly by members on both sides of the house on earlier occasions, but I just want to acknowledge it again: I thought that Senator Noel Crichton-Browne, in respect of the job he did in that chair, did it very well indeed. He was an excellent chairman.

The only other thing I want to say about Noel Crichton-Browne is this, and this is not something new—I said it at the time. I am not interested in canvassing those very painful issues that Noel Crichton-Browne was involved in. I do not want to go into that. As far as I am concerned, what happened between Noel Crichton-Browne and his wife should have been left between them. Leaving aside the merits of the issues, I am not even interested in what you might think about them.

All I want to say about Noel Crichton-Browne is this: in respect of what was done, I am not even going to talk about that; in respect of how it was done—obtaining that material by whomever—I do not know who it was. Noel Crichton-Browne has named people. I have got no idea who it was. But whoever did it: it was a low act.

Those colleagues, old friends, Bryant Burns, Tom Wheelwright, young friends. When Tom first came into this Senate, all us old roughnuts said, `My God, an economically literate senator: how are we going to handle this?' Tom, all I can say is: short time though you have been here, you have made an extremely valuable contribution and I look forward to seeing you back here.

Sid, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

Robert Bell, I will miss you. Senator Gerry Jones mentioned tonight the habit he had over the years of collecting notes. He did it by design; I only did it by accident—I cannot collect things. But I have got piles of notes; I have got some great ones from Paul Keating that were passed down the cabinet table to me on a few occasions. There are some very funny ones from John Kerin that I have kept over the years, but some hilarious ones from Robert Bell. Robert, in terms of the entertainment you have given me in the time you have been here inside this chamber, particularly at question time, and the notes that you have passed me, I have kept all of your notes.

I will tell you something else I have kept: the present from your daughter. She saw me on television in question time and she sent me this. It has got a label on the top that says: `Sally Bell's individual diet plan for Bob Collins'. When you open it up, it has got two little eggs in here, a quarter of an inch across. It has got a miniature meal inside the matchbox. Thank your daughter on my behalf, Robert. Again, it has been a solid contribution from you.

Baden Teague: what can you say about Baden Teague? Baden and I came into politics in the same year, 1977. You into this place, Baden, me at that time into the legislative assembly. People tonight have acknowledged the very significant contribution you have made particularly to the areas of interest in foreign affairs, and I endorse along with them the contribution that you have made to the life of this place. All the best in your retirement.

Christabel Chamarette, all the best. I am sorry, also, about all the terrible things I said to you. When I said that you were only visiting this planet, and that you actually came from the planet Zog, I did not really mean it, and I am sorry. I wish you all the best in your retirement, too.

Whom have I forgotten? Have I missed anybody? I have left you to last, Gerry.

Senator Chapman —What about Baume?

Senator BOB COLLINS —Who? Bye, bye Michael.

Gerry Jones and Cleaver Elliott—you started this, Tom Wheelwright—in the Old Parliament House, and we are a little less colourful than we used to be: there was a senator here from Tasmania called Shirley Walters.

Senator Kernot —She used to sit where Gerry sits.

Senator BOB COLLINS —Outside the chamber, Shirley was not a bad old stick, but when she got inside the chamber, it was different. I can remember in an estimates committee one night when I was minister at the table, I spent six hours arguing with Shirley Walters about why the Dead Sea Scrolls was shown on the ABC on Palm Sunday.

Shirley was the great interjector. The problem with Shirley's interjections was that they never varied. She was just like a great big friendly foghorn that kept delivering the same signal across the Senate. And she used to drive people absolutely mad.

Senator Kemp —And don't you, too?

Senator BOB COLLINS —We vary the interjections; we put a bit of variation in there. Anyway, we were in the Senate one day, in the Old Parliament House—that Parliament House that I love dearly: I wish we were still down there. I hate this place. I hate this place.

Senator Brownhill —What's wrong with this place, Bob?

Senator BOB COLLINS —What? A debating chamber that has got all of the atmosphere and aesthetics of a public toilet: you have got to be joking!

Senator Calvert —You can't even have corridor parties!

Senator BOB COLLINS —At this hour of the night, my attitude is that those people who want to go home can go home. The Old Parliament House: I am a new senator in the place. I am sitting up the back. My position then on the government side of the old chamber—those beautiful old furnishings—was near the door, up near the President's chair. I sat in the back row. We had a debate going on this particular day and I was sitting up the back and Peter Walsh was the minister at the table—

Senator Burns —The old softie.

Senator BOB COLLINS —Oh, yeah! That old softie, Peter. All the way through the committee stage of the bill, Shirley was on the other side and she never let up for a minute. Peter was getting more and more irritated—and we all know what a calm, patient and tolerant man Peter was! Right through his speech, this sonorous voice kept coming across the room: `You are a disgrace, Minister. You are a disgrace, Minister.' Peter is getting angrier and angrier and angrier. He finishes his speech, picks up his books, steps out into the gangway, goes to walk up the gangway and, as he is walking out of the chamber, says over his shoulder, `You old harpy!' Pandemonium in the Senate! Fred Chaney, of course, is the Leader of the Government in the Senate. `Oh! Shock, horror! How dreadful. How can you say that?' Peter gets halfway up the aisle, and President Sibraa in the chair says, `Minister, please come back to your place.' I am sitting up the back and Peter is facing me. He has got that gimlet Walsh look on his face. I thought, `Is he going?' He turned around, came down and took his place.

Gerry was the whip. Cleaver Elliott was having a run around the paddock as Acting Black Rod for the day. Peter withdraws `Old Harpy'. Honour is restored. Peter picks up his books again and steps out into the aisle and walks up the aisle. I could see he had this little grin on. I thought, `He is going to do something.' This time, he walked all the way up the aisle. He walked past me, got all the way to the door and, when he got to the door, he turned around and yelled across the chamber, `You are a bloody old harpy!', and he took off, like a rat up a drainpipe, out the door. Absolute pandemonium breaks out. In those days—and I think it was and is still unique—the opposition hated Peter Walsh. Peter Walsh used to say—

Senator Panizza —Come on; that's not so.

Senator Calvert —No, no. We drank with him every night.

Senator BOB COLLINS —No, no: I am talking about in the chamber.

Senator Calvert —Yes, but not outside the chamber.

Senator BOB COLLINS —Peter Walsh had a great sense of humour, but he used to say the most terrible things. He used to produce a newspaper that he sent around Australia. I cannot say what it was called, because it is unparliamentary. I do not know why he was able to keep his house and his car; I do not know why he did not get the pants sued off him for the things he said. I can remember one occasion—Michael Baume, you know what I am talking about—and I must tell you this story. I was in debate in the old chamber and I wanted something nasty to say about somebody. Some-one said, `Go up to Walshie's office.' So I went up to Walshie's office, and there was this entire bank of filing cabinets along the wall in Walshie's office. You had an entire filing cabinet for yourself. The secretary went to it, and it had all these names: he had the dirt on every single member of parliament, state and federal, in Australia, all filed away.

Senator Calvert —Including you.

Senator BOB COLLINS —Whatever. Anyway, Peter did not like Shirley Walters, and Shirley Walters did not—

Senator Calvert —But only inside the chamber, not outside.

Senator BOB COLLINS —Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is inside the chamber, I am talking about; not outside. As I say, Shirley—

Senator Kemp —Is this relevant to the valedictory?

Senator BOB COLLINS —Yes, it is very relevant; and I know Gerry wants me to tell this story. Anyway, Walshie gets to the door—let me finish!—and he dives out the door. We had permanently on the notice paper a contingent notice of motion relating to Peter Walsh which allowed the Senate to censure him at any time. Fred Chaney comes diving into the Senate. Walshie has gone, Sibraa is in the chair and Cleaver Elliott is the Black Rod. The President says from the chair, `Black Rod, go up to the minister's office and bring him back to the chamber.'

Cleaver stood there like a hypnotised rabbit. The clerk at the table with Gerry said, `Go on, Cleaver; go and get him.' I thought, `This is interesting stuff; I've never seen this before.' Cleaver went out the door. Gerry Jones said, `Oh, my God!' and came up to me and said—I still remember it—`Listen, mate. Mind the shop. I'd better get up to Walshie's office before he kills Cleaver.' So Gerry takes off out the door.

In the meantime, of course, we are moving the Walsh contingent notice of motion, and Fred Chaney is there. Ten minutes later, Gerry comes back with this great grin on his face. He walks in on the government side. I said, `What's going on?' He said: `Mate, thank God I got up there. I arrived just in time. Walshie was telling Cleaver what he could do with his black rod.' I said, `What are you going to do?' He said, `It's okay. I've calmed him down. He will be back down in a minute. I've worked out a diplomatic arrangement.' We said, `Oh, great.'

The diplomatic arrangement was this. Five minutes later, Peter Walsh came in. By this time, of course, the chamber is full on both sides: everybody is there. Walshie came into the chamber on the government side of the house, with a grin on his face a mile wide. Everyone applauded and clapped, of course, on the government side of the house. Cleaver, honour restored, came in on the opposition side of the house, separately; and the business of the Senate went on. Gerry, I have never, ever forgotten that incident.

Senator Brownhill —And Walsh didn't have his shoes on, either!

Senator BOB COLLINS —Senator, don't keep me here all night. That was the occasion—

Senator Kemp —You promised a short speech.

Senator BOB COLLINS —You be quiet and don't interject, and I won't tell these stories. That, of course, paled in comparison to the night we had the constitutional debate in the chamber, and we had to have statutory majorities on every single division. Peter Walsh came into the chamber in the Old Parliament House at three or four in the morning, without a tie, without a coat and without any shoes on. That was okay. He was singing. He had his arm around Rosemary Crowley's neck—I have forgotten what the song was—and he came into the chamber singing. That was okay; everyone handled that—except Shirley Walters, I might add. He sat down at the front—

Senator Bell —`You are a disgrace, Minister.'

Senator BOB COLLINS —Yes: `You are a disgrace.' He put his feet up on the desk and started to take his socks off. At that point, people said, `Oh no, Peter; not the socks. Not the socks!' I indicate that the Old Parliament House was slightly more colourful than this one—just slightly more colourful.

Gerry Jones: I would say, along with Tom Wheelwright, that I have enjoyed your companionship over the years. Thanks for all the help you gave a not very young but certainly green senator, as I was when I came into the Senate.

Senator Kernot —You were never a Green senator!

Senator BOB COLLINS —No, perhaps not. To all of those senators who are leaving us, all the very best in whatever you do in the future.